Month: November 2004

Last year at about this time I gave a short speech/lesson to a gathered group of women. It got such a positive response that I wanted to recreate some of the thoughts here and share them again.The topic was “Creating good traditions” I took a slightly different slant on it.

Traditions are incredibly valuable to families and societies. They bind groups of people together with joint experiences. They also connect people to the past. There are so many sources out there that extoll the wonders of traditions, that I wanted to spend time talking instead about knowing when to get rid of traditions. Sometimes a tradition lives and thrives for years doing all the good things that traditions are supposed to do, but then the people grow and situations shift and what was once a wonderful tradition becomes a burden. When a tradition only adds stress and creates rifts, then it is time for the tradition to go.

Growing up, my family caroled the Twelve Days of Christmas every year. We’d pick a couple of families and for each of the twelve days prior to Christmas we’d take a treat and sing a few songs. With 7 kids and two parents it was a significant choir and we all loved it. It was a Christmas institution. Then I married and didn’t go home for Christmas anymore. I had a new home. Two people seems too few to go caroling. And frankly Howard wasn’t interesting in packing up and going singing every night for the twelve nights before Christmas. He hadn’t grown up with it and loved it the way I had. So I sadly missed the tradition for years. When Kiki was 3 and Link was 18 months I determined that I was going to MAKE our family have that tradition. I expected mild resistance, but was sure that in short order the wonderfulness of the experience would shine through and they’d all be begging for carolling time the way I used to. It didn’t happen that way. Howard refused to go at all. Putting together the give-away items was lots more work than I’d expected. The kids wouldn’t sing and hated having to go out in the freezing cold. (I grew up in California, cold wasn’t a problem) It was a miserable experience and I gave up halfway through, bagged the rest of the give-aways and gave them to the families to open on a daily basis. Then I cried and felt like a key piece of Christmas was gone forever.

I was wrong. I was trying to forcibly create a tradtion, when the best traditions are the ones which grow of themselves. In the years since that miserable Christmas, our family has grown some traditions which are every bit as wonderful as nightly caroling. And they are the traditions which fit our family perfectly. They are traditions that I couldn’t have anticipated because I didn’t realize we’d have a 9 foot tree or a german nativity candle carousel or 4 foot long stockings. I was trying to recreate the Christmases of MY childhood when what I needed to be doing was discovering the joys of Christmas in my children’s childhoods.

The point of all that ramble is this: Traditions need to change and flow. Sometimes it is time to let go of a beloved tradition because it doesn’t build anymore. Sometimes it is even a relief to let the tradition go.

There were so many women who were so relieved to have been given permission to get rid of unwealdy traditions it amazed me. I’ve thought of it often since. I think we burden ourselves with too many things we “should” do. Particularly in a tradition rich season like the holidays.

Today’s Forecast: Continuing cranky with coughing and wiping of multiple noses.

The problem with successfully creating yummy fudge is that having it in the house completely undermines the attempt to lose the last of the post-baby fat.

But at least I’ve conquored the challenge of fudge making! If I want more practice I’ll have to start giving it away.

About 4 years ago I declared our six foot artificial tree “too small”. I wanted the tree to be in the front room and the six foot tree looked very undersized in front of our big arched window. So I went on a quest to buy a larger tree. I discovered that I could buy a 7 foot tree or a 9 foot tree. I opted for the 9 foot tree because I didn’t think one additional foot would be enough. What I did not realize is that I was not adding three feet to the top of the tree. I was adding three feet to the bottom. The volume of a 9 foot tree is MUCH larger than that of a 6 foot tree. I had to buy more lights and ornaments as well. Lots more. The 9 foot tree takes more time and effort to set up too. Lots more. And lots more space to store. Every year when we pull the tree out of storage and begin to set it up I wonder “What was I thinking?! This tree is HUGE!”

Fortunately in the past 4 years my children have grown and increased in number. This means that I have my very own Christmas Minions. I direct the tree assembly process, but most of the actual work is done by the kids. It is good for them. They’re building happy memories. Fortunately they’re entranced by the novelty and are willing minions. Once the tree is assembled and the lights are on, we really enjoy having the large tree. Putting on ornaments is fun and goes quickly and then we get to enjoy the richness of it. The kids love our tree unreservedly. I’m the only one with a weary voice in the back of my head which whispers “In one month you have to take it apart and put it all away again.” I love our Christmas tree. But it is huge.

After months of ignoring my empty birdfeeder, I refilled it on Wednesday afternoon. I’ve been amply rewarded by that small effort. This morning I got to watch a flock of chickadees, finches, juncos, and a pair of warblers all fluttering around in my back yard.

I’ll be keeping the feeder full until I run out of seed. The extra effort necessary to buy more seed could be a stumbling block, or not I’ll just have to see.

I stare at this empty box underneath the large, bold words “UPDATE JOURNAL”. So many things could go into that box. I could say something profound. I could say something funny. I could ramble. . . . hmm rambling seems to be the default choice. Oh well.

Today I made 5 loaves of pumpkin bread and a batch of candied walnuts. This is part of my preparations for Thanksgiving. Yesterday I made close-but-not-quite-fudge. Tomorrow I make spice cake and begin making pies. The turkey is already in the fridge beginning to thaw. I’m enjoying this gradual accumulation of yummy things to eat. I do not typically do this. In years past I took myself to Costco the day before the holiday to buy Fudge and candied nuts and sweetbreads and any other thing that caught my eye. But if I want those things this year I have to make them, so I’m venturing into the wilds of “Home-made” to see if I can find yummy there. Thursday is the culmination of all the cooking. Friday is usually the day to relax and play and eat leftovers. It is also the day that I usually put up our christmas tree.

This year Howard hops a plane Friday morning to go to Grandma’s funeral. The word “funeral” throws cold water ALL over the cozy picture I was building in my head. I’m still going to begin the Christmas decorating, but I don’t intend to have it all done in one day. I think instead Friday will be devoted to some kind of christmasy craft that the kids can all do. Maybe making new ornaments for the tree. Maybe I’ll make them help me sort through all the chrismas lights and find the ones that work BEFORE I haul out the tree. Maybe that will help avoid the hour where I mentally curse the strings of lights while fielding questions about “Can we put the ornaments on now?”

I feel like taking a more relaxed approach to the holidays. It isn’t about Getting Stuff Done. Or it should be anyway. It should be about building memories and connecting with people through traditions. It isn’t about shopping, or even giving. It is about loving.

“Ramble” seems to have segued into “sermon.” That probably means I should stop writing now.

I usually don’t post links to articles, but this article http://slate.com/id/2109937/
offers some very pertinent thoughts about pet ownership and responsibility. We do not have any pets. My kids would love to have a dog, but I refuse to have a dog unless it is a properly trained and socialized dog. I’m too busy training and socializing children to spend time on an animal right now.

There were several points in that article which I found interesting:

So called “dangerous” breeds are no more likely to attack than “friendly” breeds, but when they do attack they are far more likely to do serious damage.

The person most likely to be injured by a dog is not a burglur or stranger, but a child who simply acted unpredictably. Young children and dogs must always be supervised together even if there is never a problem.

A dog who has been traumatized and has become prone to violence has no business living around lots of people, particularly children. If you want to “rescue” an unpredictable dog, you’d best live someplace rural.

My neighbor across the cul-de-sac owns a traumatized and rescued dog. I have never seen that dog be anything but friendly. I still do not allow my children to run over and play with the dog unless I am standing right there. Another neighbor owns a big friend pony-size alaskan malamute. The kids love it, but I’m always right there because the big friendly pony could trample or squash a toddler without intending to. Chalain and Chaliren frequently bring their dog to our house. The kids love running with her in the yard. All the adults love watching, but we always WATCH.

Animals can add so much to the lives of people, but pet owners must be responsible and parents must also be responsible so that fun can be had, not tragedy.

Today I attempted my first batch of fudge from scratch. Fudge is a treat that is cheap in ingredients, but expensive in time. Fortunately it is quite easy to read while standing next to the stove and stirring for 20 minutes. Stirring is also a task that can be handed off to older children. And at the end of that effort is fudgy goodness that you’ve actually worked for.

In theory there is fudgy goodness. What I ended up with was fudgy crumbles. It tastes just like fudge, in powder form. It turns out that the thermometer I used is off by about 10 degrees. I cooked the fudge too long. Fortunately I can think of dozens of yummy uses for fudge powder. I may even make some more on purpose sometime. I’ll definitely be attempting fudge again so that I can perfect my technique.