Typical Conversation with Gleek:
Gleek: “Mom! I want fudge!”
Me: (Insert short explaination why there will be no fudge)
Gleek: “But I want fugde!”
M: (Insert slightly longer explaination)
G: “I want fudge!”
M: “I just answered that. What did I say?”
G: “I want fudge!”
M: (frustrated now) No.
G: (turns on the cute) “Please”
M: “No.”
G: “Please!”
M: “No.”
G: “Fudge!”
M: “No!”
G: “FUDGE!”
M: “NO!”
And from there it devolves into tantrums with kicking and screaming because I usually get up and walk away from her. It’s either that or get so mad I’m in danger of hitting.
Sometimes the conversation is about baths, or candy, or painting, or swimming. Whatever it is, I know that head on confrontation never works on Gleek. You have to come around from the side and steer her onto a new track. She’ll happily stampede off in the new direction, but I get so tired of herding and coaxing. I get so tired of arguing.
I know that Gleek gets away with far more things than she should. She just wears me out so that I haven’t the energy to supervise the way that I should. Today at her gym class I realized that another mom was removing her daughter from Gleek who had hit, pinched, and yelled. As I walked to require an appology from Gleek, I realized that I’d actually heard the beginning of the conflict. It had completely failed to register as something I needed to take care of. Complete mommy radar failure. This is seriously bad because I rely on my mommy radar lots and now I have to do a systems check to make sure nothing is broken. I suspect system fatigue that a little down time will solve. Now I just need to find this mythical “down time” that I’ve heard so much about.
Most of the challenges in Gleek’s behavior are because she is three. She’ll grow out of it. Until she does my job is to make sure she doesn’t injure herself or others. I try, but today I failed. I fail more often than I should. I know other parents dread the arrival of my little hooligan because she regularly does things that makes other parents gasp in fear. I don’t gasp because it’s the fortieth time she’s done that particular thing. Today. I can’t survive in red alert mode, but I’m failing to do enough.
Aren’t 3 year olds fun…:) Marquella and I doing the same thing these days, but it’s getting, she’s almost 4…
Hang in there, lady.
And don’t be so hard on yourself. So you had a radar failure, but the important thing is that you caught it and are working to fix the problem. That counts for a LOT. It’s sort of like the support/development cycle – production errors reveal issues in the original product, so a quick patch & retroactive fix is applied (if possible) while a new version is created and rolled out. Repeat. And pray the child gets past that stage ASAP 🙂
There ideally will be way to handle the alerts and exceptions without having to resort to continual red-alert mode. I wish I had suggestions there, but I’m not a Mommy and my aunting experience hasn’t really covered that area.
I know that feeling only too well. And there will be no chance what so ever for no-worry down time til at least March and maybe not even then.
Wen and Pirate are very very active and they do a lot of things that scare other people around us. But what they don’t see is that more often than not I’ve got a hand on them or as you said, seen them do it with no harm for umpteen times.
And yeah, sometimes Mommy radar fails. If only because something else chose that precise moment to intrude so you put the alert on the back burner and then didn’t get back to it.
I thought it was the terrible twos…
This Sat. SoccerGirl turns 3. Is it really the terrible threes?
Do I have another year of craziness and tantrums to look forward to?
I have just gone through a year with a broken arm, forehead gash, refusing to wear socks and coats, refusing to take naps then falling asleep too late, hitting and slapping us when she gets mad, beating up big brother for the fun of it and long and loud tantrums about
“MY HAIR MESS UUUUUUP!!!!!!” argh.
It seems like younger female children get away with a lot more than older children. SoccerGirl gets away with A LOT. And often she gets away with stuff because I am too tired.
I have started watching those SuperNanny/Nanny911 TV shows just to get some hints and tips on how to deal with tempertantrums, discipline etc.
In short, I mean to say, we mothers are doing superhuman things BUT
we are still human.
Mantra:
There are Good days and Bad days. You’re Okay.
You are a really great mom. Hang in there. Breathe…
Have you considered the “bunghole method” of child-rearing, for her?
My impression from this and other stories you’ve told about Gleek is that she has a radically different personality style from your other children.
Normally I HATE personality analysis, but I’m going to cash in on my turn to give sisterly advice and recommend a book anyway. It’s called “People Styles at Work” by Robert Bolton and Dorothy Grover Bolton and there are two reasons I don’t hate it (1) it’s extremely simple (you can often peg someone’s social style within 30 seconds of meeting them) (2) It’s actually useful for interacting with people (as opposed to being useful only for introspection and self-analysis).
I’m guessing Gleek is a Driver and you’re an Amiable with Analytical tendencies. If I’m right, this means you have the two least compatible social styles, which would explain why you have so much friction. The book goes into some very practical and useful things you can do to understand one another and relate better, but I’m positive I’ll kill the concepts (and bore everybody) if I try to summarize them here.
Anyway, I found the book extremely helpful in a huge variety of situations. Probably it isn’t useful for everyone, but hey, there’s my blurb for the day.
A very wise friend of mine once told me of having a similar observation about his daughter as she went through the “mine mine gimme mine mine all mine” phase. “She’s three,” he said, “this is normal.”
“On the other hand,” he realized, “if I don’t change this behavior, she’ll grow up to become… a lawyer.”
The fact that he was utterly serious only made me laugh harder.
Hooligan on the Loose
Sandra,
Sometimes it is effective for children to learn that the expected behavior is not just a “Mommy Expectation” but also a society expectation. Gleek needs to learn (and sometimes this learning comes from others) how to treat others. So the fact that you did not immediately step in to prevent a behavior is not necessarily a bad thing. It gave Gleek the opportunity to learn from someone else and to experience a natural consequence. Of course, you understand that I am not advocating that you ignore unacceptable impulses but merely that you understand that others can help you raise Gleek. There is always that saying that “It takes a village to raise a child.” At 3 Gleek is moving out into that village and needs to learn from others as well as you.
As you well remember growing up, learning is a gradual process. I counted on your teachers and Church leaders to help you learn. I particuarly remember 4th grade when there were mornings you weren’t sure you wanted to go to school. I knew if I could get you out the door and to school that Mr. Hillburn would help you to settle in a stay.