Day: February 10, 2005

Enrichment night last night also featured a session on “Dating Your Spouse”. The teacher was a woman who is very outspoken and talkative. She rattled off this list of things that she and her husband do together. (Roller blading, motorcycle riding, bowling, dining out, movies, it went on and on) I sat there thinking “Wow that’s cool” and feeling insecure that Howard and I don’t have many “dates”. It is hard to get out together to do fun stuff when money is tight and paying a babysitter isn’t often an option. Responsible parenting is death on spontaneous trip taking or friend visiting. In theory we can set up a babysitting trade with another couple so that we can take turns going out. What seems to always happen is that they watch our kids once or twice and then never ask us to watch theirs. Then I feel guilty and don’t call again. It seems like everyone I know has other babysitting solutions.

Rather on dwell on the stuff Howard an I can’t do right now, I decided to create a list of things we can do without sacrificing the well being of the kids or the budget.

Jigsaw puzzles
Watching DVDs
chatting while cleaning
wandering in the back yard
Talking over insaniquarium or a different game
Just talking
Sit together for lunch

Things I’d like to do more of:
Playing games (scrabble, Star Munchkin, Cannibal pygmies, Falling, Give me the brain…)
Take walks/hikes
go visiting friends

And that’s where my brain stalls. I KNOW those lists could be much longer, but I just can’t think of other things. Howard if you think of stuff let me know. If any of you have sugguestions feel free to post comments. I want to be armed against the next “What shall we do tonight?”

Last night I had a girls night out. Our church hosts one every month for the women in the congregation. It’s called enrichment night. There is on site child care, classes to attend, treats to eat, and friends to talk to. I really enjoy going to them.

One of the teachers last night spoke on “making friends”. I was interested in this topic because I’ve come to realize that most of my friendships aren’t typically feminine in nature. I have friends whom I really like, but it just never occurs to me to call them or organize a get-together. I can go months without having a social event with a friend other than Howard. If my friends need help I’m right there and vice versa, we can count on each other, but we don’t hang out as much as we could. This applies to long-time deep frienships as well as neighbors.

I watch other women who are always going out to lunch or going shopping or even just visiting. They usually aren’t having deep conversations, but they are having small amounts of human contact regularly. And on this foundation build lasting friendships. I watch that and wonder what I’m missing. What would it be like to have a girl buddy to hang out with regularly?

I know how to do deep conversations, I’m not as good at chatter. People frequently denigrate “small talk” and if it goes no further there isn’t much point to it. But chatter lays the foundation for deeper conversations. Chatter allows people to find comonalities and gradually grow frienships from acquaintences. I wish I were better at just picking up the phone to talk. I never make phone calls unless I have business to conduct. There is value in just calling because you wonder how someone is doing.

Part of the reason I’ve been content to let this whole frienship thing slide is because I have Howard. He is the best friend I could ask for. We share life, love, stress, pain, and laughter. Having Howard here sates the imediate need for someone to be with, and adult to talk to. And yet on those occasions when we do spend time with other friends Howard and I both feel refreshed and invigorated. I need to make space in my life to nurture friendships.

Yet another thing to make space for.