Sisters
Kiki has decided that Gleek is the most annoying person in the world. I could chalk it up to normal sibling rivalry and wait for them to grow out of it, but I’m disinclined to do so. In my growing up years a sibling relationship with issues nearly tore my family apart and became physically dangerous more than once. I was an observer, not a participant, but it was terrifying to us all. I can’t/won’t sit and wait for things to get better because my experience teaches me that worse is just as likely. My strategy for improving their relationship is as follows:
1. Gleek is frequently annoying because she is starved for attention. She is a high-energy person in a house full of introverts. We all spend a lot of time trying to convince her to leave us alone for awhile. I’m going to have to give up some of my introvert time and actively spend time with Gleek. She needs more stories, more games, more tickles, more snuggles, etc.
2. Kiki is allowed to complain about Gleek so long as she does not do it where Gleek can hear. Not even Kiki can control what she feels, but she can control what she says and where. Anytime she says something hurtful where Gleek can hear, then as part of the apology Kiki will have to say two nice things about Gleek to Gleek. In the interests of fairness this new rule will apply to all people in the household.
3. Kiki has to compile a list of 50 things she likes about Gleek. This is a direct consequence of yesterday’s incidents which brought this problem into focus for me. We’re going to come up with 3 things each day until we have a full list. Once she is angry Kiki has trouble coming up with even one nice thing, even when Kiki and Gleek were playing wonderfully only minutes ago. I need to help her focus on positive things instead of negative.
4. I will provide Kiki with as much Gleek-free space as I can manage. This is difficult because they share a room, but we’ve already made a few helpful adjustments.
5. I’m turning the Mommy Radar sensitivity way up when the two of them are together. Right now it does not take much for Kiki to go ballistic and explode and so I have to be right there to intervene until the other measures have had time to work some attitude changes. In fact I’m just turning it way up when Gleek is near anyone. I paid attention today and every single sibling squabble which occured involved Gleek. Gleek is not beligerent, she is headstrong, and the other kids do not have the skills they need to deal with her. I’m going to have to actively intervene long enough for the other kids to pick up some Gleek management skills. My intervention will also help Gleek develop more trust that she will be listened to without resorting to screaming or hitting.
6. I’m going to help Gleek do some overtly nice things for Kiki. This will give Kiki some things to write on her list.
7. I have to stop letting Gleek bend and break rules simply because she’s worn me out and I’m too tired to stop her. Kiki sees this and it makes her angry/resentful. Kiki then displaces the anger to Gleek because Gleek is a safer target than Mom.
So that’s the plan. I re-read it and it exhausts me. I don’t want to have to do all of that. I don’t want to give up more of my mental, emotional, and physical energy. But they need me too and I dare not fail them. Parenting is like juggling and I’ve just added 7 more balls to keep in the air. This means I’ll be dropping something else. Not on purpose, but I simply can’t do everything all the time. Being a good parent is knowing which ball is okay to drop today. I can catch it on the bounce right?