I did some significant self-analysis this weekend. I am an introvert. I enjoy spending time with friends and making new friends, but I like to sneak up on new friendships. This is one reason that my life is made easier by Howard. He is very good at stepping forward and making conversation, this allows me to hang back and listen until I have a comment to contribute to the existing conversation. I’m not shy, but I like to join conversations, not start them. Throwing me into a crowd of strangers solo, while travel-tired, resulted in me fleeing to Howard to beg for help. I like to think of myself as a confident/capable person and yet I fled for security, that was almost more upsetting than not having anyone to talk to. Howard dropped everything to be with me, and an incredibly kind person came to help with the rescue. She treated me with kindness and respect when I felt like a blubbering idiot.
Friday I felt alone, Saturday I spent surrounded by friends. I don’t think Howard went around whispering “Be nice to Sandra please.” But everywhere I went there were fun people to talk to and things to be done. The difference was probably in me somewhere, maybe I adapted overnight, maybe I just started running into the same people more than once, maybe I just wasn’t as tired. The end result of the weekend is that I have this jumble of thoughts and impressions that I’m just not sure how to organize. I don’t want to lose anything though, so I’m going to resort to a list.
Everyone kept asking me if I was enjoying myself. I’m not sure whether they asked that of everybody, or if they knew I was upset on Friday, or if I didn’t look like I was having fun.
Playing Star Munchkin with Darth Paradox, Shelly, Rob Balder, Ian I-never-got-a-last-name, and Evil Mcmullin (That’s what his badge said) was a blast. Webcartoonists are very practiced at making jokes and so there was much laughter.
The Aegis consulting crew was amazing. Their sword work and party hosting skills were unsurpassed. But the thing that truly amazed me was the camaraderie that the crew had for each other. These people had worked and played together and they all respected one another and exuded confidence. Even more amazing was the way they were able to extend that camaraderie to include others. Howard and I and Jay Maynard went out to dinner with them and despite the fact that they all have a copious supply of shared experience which we didn’t share, I still felt like I was part of the group. That’s a skill set I’d like to cultivate in myself, the ability to make a total stranger feel welcome and part of the “family”. Sal & Heather went even beyond the mark in putting up Howard for three days and then making sure I got to take a tour of their amazing house and property.
Having breakfast with Peter Salus and his wife Mary was a delight. Being with a couple who have been married happily for 30+ years is a joy because they coordinated everything so well. I loved the chance to listen and get a glimpse of the perspective of someone who has been around for twice as long as I have. In this case age not only conferred wisdom, it also handed out wit and good humor.
Hanging out with Howard and Rob Balder was a blast. We had a wonderful discussion about publication and self promotion and other webcomicy concerns. The discussion was serious and important, but it was also hilarious because Howard and Rob kept feeding eachother straight lines. Yet another reason I love being in the webcomic business rather than the IT business.
I don’t drink and most of my friends locally don’t either. The same was true in the town I grew up in. So this was the first time I’ve ever been at a party where people were drinking with the intent to get really drunk. I kept watching for the classic comedic “I’m drunk” behaviors, but I never really saw them. To be honest unless I saw someone holding a drink in their hand I couldn’t tell whether they’d been drinking or not. This probably means I’m still pretty clueless about alcohol consumption. The really cool thing was that not once was I ever pressured to take a drink that I didn’t want. In fact most of the friends I made were already aware that I didn’t drink and so I was never even offered one. This was so different from the scare stories about drinking parties that I was fed as a teenager, that I’ve had to readjust my thinking. It doesn’t change my comittment to not drink, but it does add to my store of experiences from which I’ll eventually extract wisdom.
The Chaos Machine was a blast. I didn’t actually do much engineering, but by the end of the Con I felt like I’d made friends with most of the folks who had spent most of the Con tinkering with it. Unfortunately there were so many new names that I’m unable to remember them all. I can call up faces, but names slip away from me.
Getting a call from my brother on Sunday night because Gleek had gone into a non-linear tantrum wasn’t much fun. I spent about 40 minutes on the phone trying to talk her down to a point where she would cooperate with my brother again. It worked, but unfortunately that event is the one that looms largest in her memory of the weekend. Kiki spent the weekend coughing and sick. Link had so much fun he didn’t want to go home. Patches occasionally asked “where’s mom?” but wandered off after being told “She’s on a trip with your dad.” I expected him to cling once we returne home, he hasn’t. Just when I think I know my kids …
There is more stuff I want to say. I know that there is, but I’m drawing blanks right now and I’ve got to get on top of finances and laundry.
I’m happy that things worked out for you in the end at Penguicon. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be there, it sounds like a great event.
At my first convention I was in a similar situation to you. Everyone I knew was on the convention committee and busy with that so I was left to myself a lot, and I’m not great at randomly initiating conversations even though I love to be a part of them.
I was lucky that I made what turned out to be a really smart decision, I signed up as a volunteer. Because I was working with people it automatically gave us things to talk about, and I started to meet new people. I’d go to events and recognize people and have someone to sit with.
I know exactly what you mean about being an introvert – I’m the same way. It takes a conversation to sort of bring me out…
As for the drinking party… honestly, I think it has a lot to do with the fact that it’s mostly an older crowd than the sort of parties we were always warned about. And a smarter one, too – I suspect the crowd overall has at least more common sense, and knows how to handle themselves with alcohol. But being older means that most people are well past the “hahaha I’m drinking alcohol and being rebellious yeeee-hah!” phase of their lives…
(Also, her name is Shelly, just so you know… and Ian’s last name was Zeilstra, but that’s a little tough to remember. And I’m Chris, but “Darth” is just fine too.)
Thank you for providing me the names. I’ve been kicking myself for forgetting them. Too many new names to go with too many new faces in too little time.
I think you’re right about the drinking party. This probably means I’ll still be sharing the same precationary tales with my children when they have the poor judgement most teens display.
You’re right about the volunteering being a good approach. I considered it, but was already sort of “volunteering” as Howard’s handler. I didn’t want to be tied down someplace else when Howard needed me.
It’s not uncommon to ask a first-time attendee if they’re having fun, and to try to do things to help if they’re not. The community wants to attract more people, after all…
This is what I have learned about drinking:
In college I came home to my apartment one night to a drinking “party”.
In my memory it’s a slow motion house of horrors…
one girl apologizing to me over and over, in the next room a girl throwing up, a guy staring into space… etc.
That would probably be that “rebellious, yee-ha, drink too much drinking”.
Now that I go to work parties with alcohol being served it’s a way different story. I learned that you have to really know people to know if they are drunk or not. Ross’ coworker never smiles, really gruff, very serious, BUT, at the work Christmas party (btw, had a Las Vegas gambling Christmas? theme this year. go fig.) he was smiling and talkative.
And that’s how I knew he was drunk. Interesting, huh.
Glad you had a good trip Sandra… and it’s seems it was an even better trip because you learned something about yourself and made more friends.
I’m very glad that you enjoyed yourself at Penguicon (did you, overall?). Reading this, I’m a bit sorry that I didn’t get more time to talk with you. Surprising, really, since you’re quite beautiful and normally I would do at least the appropriate amount of flirting to show my appreciation in a gentlemanly way. Perhaps I didn’t because I don’t really know Howard well enough, and suspect in the back of my mind that he has a large fusion cannon hidden somewhere about his person (ominous humm…).
Funny perspective… I grew up an Army brat, went to college in New Orleans, and didn’t start drinking until I was 30. Still haven’t ever gotten drunk, per se. I do know that a lot of fans tend to drink only at cons, because it is a safe environment where people will watch out for you, and you have a hotel room so you aren’t going to be driving anywhere. We have had obnoxious drunks at cons in the past, but tend to discourage it, and I’m glad you didn’t see any of them. Amoung the worst are the “adult” sons of authors. Fortunately, Rod was very well behaved, and surprisingly nice… really, you were the nicest bunch of guests I can ever remember having, as a group.
Yes overall I did enjoy myself. I was outside my comfort zone which is never comfortable, but it is definitely an experience I want to repeat so that the enjoyment/discomfort ratio can be reapportioned. Right now my comfort zone is a very small orbit around 4 young children and one cartoonist. It was very good to be able to get out and remember who I am when I’m not Mom.
Don’t feel bad about not talking to me more. I have this suspicion that I can come across as reserved and unapproachable when really I’m just feeling awkward. Howard was definitely not at his best last weekend either, he was fighting off a rhinovirusocerous. To be honest, I don’t know how he would react if he felt like someone was flirting with his wife, it simply isn’t a situation that has happened. A harried woman herding multiple children generally isn’t considered a good object for flirtation.
I’m glad that this group of guests worked out well for the Con. I concur that Rod seemed very nice, I never really got a chance to really talk to him. Peter Salus is a delightful person. I really enjoyed talking with him and with his wife Mary. I only encountered the other guests in passing.
Hope Howard gets to feeling better. It sounds like you’re going about reapportioning comfort the right way, I find that the best times at a con can be an hour spent with friends, and Dr. Salus is certainly a fascinating friend to cultivate. I just discovered that a friend of mine in Austin used to work for him.
Wouldn’t the 4 young children have to orbit you? I mean, not to say you’re massive….
I told my girlfriend about our conversation, and she pointed out that it couldn’t have anything to do with how dangerous the husband was, “you flirt with ANNETTE!” (the wife of a very dear friend of mine who is 6’8″, 350 lbs, and very protective of his wife and children).