Month: May 2005

Even after 10 years it still feels strange that Mother’s Day is supposed to honor me. It comes every year and every year I feel differently about it. Some years it was very important to me that there be a display of some kind. Mostly because it is good for kids to conscioulsy think about the kindness their mothers give them daily. This year I honestly didn’t need anything. I made sure that the kitchen was really clean so it was pleasant to be in this morning. I cut some flowers from my yard so I would have fresh flowers in the house. I even cut a sprig of lilac to wear to church. It was enough. Today is a beautiful day and I’m honestly grateful for the chance I have to be a mother. That’s what matters.

Shortly after I moved into this house I was visiting with some new neighbors. One of them spent most of the visit trying to figure out how to tactfully ask why I had a wedding picture of my first husband up on the wall. She didn’t recognize the clean-shaven, head-of-hair man in the wedding photo as bald-and-bearded Howard.

Yesterday Howard shaved his beard off. He’s had that beard for 10 years, which is most of the time that I’ve known him. He shaved off the beard once about 10 years ago and I asked him to put it back. We both like the way the beard alters the shape of his face. In this case the decision for Howard to shave isn’t motivated by personal preference. He talks about it here: (http://www.livejournal.com/users/howardtayler/95121.html) I completely support and honor his decision to put spirituality before vainity. It helps a lot that he is still attractive to me. I keep glancing over at him and thinking “Oh yeah, THAT guy. I married him didn’t I?”

He’s still attractive, what he isn’t is familliar. We’re both a little off balance as we try to figure out what works stylistically with beardless Howard. Two weeks from now when beardless Howard has become normal I’ll look at this entry and wonder why I bothered to write it.

The list of side effects said nothing about multitudes of tiny itchy red spots all over my body. But then the note DID caution not to take the antibiotic if I was allergic to it. It would have been nice to know I was allergic before taking the stuff for three days. To add to the annoyance factor, my body is accustomed to reacting to allergens by constricting my bronchial passages, so my itchy red spots get a side order of asthmatic wheezing. The doctor tells me that the various reactions will probably last from 4 to 7 days while the stuff clears out of my system.

The one good note is that when I tell the kids “Mommy isn’t feeling well.” I have something to show to prove it. The kids were very impressed with my spots. Allergy-free Kiki was extremely curious about all kinds of allergic reactions. Cat-allergic Link got a chance to lord his superior knowlege over his older sister. It was a nice little conversation and when we were done, they were both inclined to be nicer to mommy. That’s at least one good thing.

I’m so glad to have my sabbath this week. I’m accustomed to attending church each Sunday. It is a time where I can feel peace and refocus my life on my true priorities. Last Sunday I was at Penguicon and I had none of those things. Today has been marvelous even though it hasn’t been without frustrating moments. Getting four kids up, fed, and dressed in church clothes before 9 am is always a challenge.

This morning Link was particularly recaltrant. He and I emerged from his room with him dressed and me grumpy. I told Howard “Well, I used to have a good mood.” Gleek overheard this comment and cheerfully told me “That’s okay Mommy, I’ll get you another one!” She then reached into an imaginary pocket and handed me a new good mood. Apparently she has a machine that makes them. It also makes hugs. She keeps it with her magic washing machine which washes away bad guys and bad dreams. Gleek knows how to make really good moods because it has lasted for the whole rest of the day.