Thoughts in Link’s head

Words do not come easily for Link. This represents a constant challenge; he is surrounded by a family full of very articulate people. Because of this I’ve become very aware of the fact that if I don’t listen when Link feels like talking, then I’ll never know what goes on in his head. This afternoon he came and crawled into my lap for a snuggle. His stated excuse for this was that he was sad because he’d had to come home from a friend’s house in the middle of an interesting game. (Zelda four swords) It soon became clear though that he needed to express frustration with his friend. Link wanted to complete the level in this co-operative game, but the friend just wanted to goof around smashing pots. After a lengthy discussion of the game I decided to grab the chance to talk about the upcoming onset of a new school year.

Link did not respond positively to the introduction of this new topic. Link faces school with mixed feelings. It is the place of recess, and computers, and soccer and reading, but it is also the place of writing and work pages and peers. At least this year I’ve got him on the earlier schedule that he wanted. Then out of the blue Link started told me “Olivia lies.” Since the topic was school, I made the connection that this must have been a classmate from last year. I was informed that not only does Olivia lie, but everyone knows that she does and she liked Link and Link did NOT want to marry her. He was extremely relieved when I told him that he could pick his own wife when he was ready and he wouldn’t have to marry anyone if he didn’t want to. Link then formed a plan that when he is grown up he’ll take his wife for a walk and Olivia will come up, and Link will say “Sorry! I already have a wife!”

In another sharp mental turn Link then informed me that after his birthday he wants to always stay 8 years old. He then huddled close and hugged me tight. “I don’t want you to die mom.” This declaration and the tears in his eyes demonstrated a whole new level in Link’s thinking. He really comprehended death and feared it. Unfortunately I cannot in all honesty promise that I will not die before he does. I did promise that I would take good care of myself and try to avoid death for as long as possible. I was also able to discuss with him my beliefs about death and afterlife. They weren’t as comforting to him as I would have liked. Mostly I just held onto him and loved him while he faced his scary thoughts.

This deeply important conversation was held with Gleek and Patches in the room. They had no comprehension of how important the conversation was. All they saw was that Link was monopolizing the prime real estate of Mommy’s Lap. So we were continually bounced on while trying to discuss death. Howard wandered in at about this time, I think he heard the sadness. It was good because he was able to participate in the conversation which ended with dragging out a photo album which contained pictures of Howard’s deceased parents.

There are whole worlds in my kid’s heads that I know nothing about. I didn’t even know Olivia existed, or that my son was already having to fend off would-be girlfriends. I had no idea that Link was thinking about death and afraid of it. Only by talking to them do I get these glimpses into their worlds. No, not talking. I talk to them all the time. It’s by LISTENING that I find out who these people are that I call my children.