Month: September 2005

Soccer Games & punctuality

By / September 29, 2005 / 4 Comments

I am usually a punctual person. Even when I have to drag 4 kids along with me I plan ahead and still get places on time, or even early. So it is very frustrating that out of 7 soccer games that Link has played I’ve been late to every one of them. The first time was forgivable because I was driving an unfamiliar route and mis-estimated times. The second time I had to scramble for chairs and water bottles. But by the third game the scramble to make sandwiches, get Link dressed, and get out the door should have been sufficiently systematized that I made it to the games on time. I guess I just didn’t want to accept the fact that I need 30-40 minutes to prep for soccer-game departure. I want down time after the Kiki pick-up, not to head straight into soccer prep.

Last week I was ready. I had all the kids in the car, we left on time, and then we spent 15 minutes stuck in traffic at a railroad crossing waiting for a train to decide to move. Fortunately most of the traffic we were stuck in was full of all the other soccer kids & coaches, so the game started late and we didn’t miss any of it. Today I was determined to actually be at the field and set up before the game began. At Soccer Game – 20 minutes all was looking well. Sandwiches were made, chairs were already in the car, kids had been warned. Then almost simultaneously Link had a frustrating moment with Super Mario 64 and declared he didn’t want to go to soccer, Kiki wanted me to find a video for her to watch while we were gone, Gleek disappeared out the back door to play at her friend’s house, and Patches’ had massive diaper failure.

The diaper failure was the most urgent problem, so I picked up Patches at arm’s length and carried him to the changing table. Kiki and Link, both fascinated by the mess, accompanied me. The smell quickly drove Kiki out of the room, but Link chose a moment half way through clean up to break out in tears because he didn’t want to miss his school carnival which also took place this evening. (That carnival is a whole different story, I’ll append it to the end of this post.) So I had to manage an emotional crisis while in the midst of toxic waste clean up. When Patches was sanitary again I turned him loose so that I could focus on Link. I talked through why we weren’t going to the carnival and helped him remember that he likes soccer and would be sad to miss his game.

I left Link to get dressed and ran over to the neighbor’s house to either retrieve Gleek or obtain permission for her to stay during the game. They were headed to the school carnival, so she had to come home. This involved chasing her twice around the yard and then over to my house where I instructed her to get her shoes on. By this time Link was in tears again because he couldn’t find all his soccer gear. I located it and helped him with his socks, shoes, & shin guards because those seem to be physically impossible for him to get on by himself. I sent Link out to the car. I grabbed the video for Kiki and instructed her that she was NOT to turn it on until the car pulled out of the driveway. (I didn’t need kids crying about missing a movie). Patches had gotten involved in a computer game, but fortunately all I had to say was “I’m going!” and he ran to me in fear of being left behind. So we all got into the car. Patches had no shoes, Gleek was still dressed in her princess dress-ups from a birthday party earlier in the day, and Link had achieved a state of anticipation. We pulled out of the driveway at Soccer Game + 5. The 10 minute drive made us a grand total of 15 minutes late. One game left. Maybe I’ll get to THAT one on time.

Rant about the School Carnival:
Locally PTA units run a fall carnival to raise money for programs. I like the PTA, I think they do good things. I don’t mind them raising money to help support the school, that is also a good thing. This year the carnival featured between 6-12 rented inflatable toys and other rides. Those things do not come cheap and so tickets for the carnival were 5 for $1 or $8 for an unlimited-rides armband. Those were the pre-sale prices, at-the-event prices were higher. Each ride was scheduled to take 2-4 tickets. For me to take my four kids with unlimited rides I would have been dropping almost $40 up front. Or I could spend $10 and get each of my kids 2-3 rides. Then there would have been the begging for candy and food and the stress of keeping track of my kids in a crowd. I can’t afford the $40 route and the cheaper route would guarantee me to have 4 crying kids at the carnival because they wanted more rides. I hoped to dodge the whole issue. I hoped that somehow Link would miss the information about the carnival. No such luck, they put up big colorful posters all over the school. Link fell in love and had his hopes set on going to the Carnival. He plotted and schemed on the way home today trying to figure out how to make it happen. So now I am mad at the PTA for putting on a big, expensive, shiny, show; then pricing it so high that I can’t afford to take my kids to it. Mostly I’m mad because my little boy was sad. Fortunately Link is a very resiliant person and once we talked things through, he accepted non-attendance at the carnival and will move on happily to other points of anticipation.
End Rant.

The good news is that having survived the pre-soccer-game chaos, the rest of the evening has gone smoothly. I’ve just got Link and Kiki to put to bed and then I’ll have some time to myself. I’ll probably spend it falling asleep the minute I can sit still.

Fill up update

By / September 29, 2005 / 2 Comments

A little more than a week ago I set some goals for myself. (http://www.livejournal.com/users/sandratayler/101231.html) I’m pleased to report that I’ve done a pretty good job of sticking to them. Not as much of the writing ended up in here as I expected, but that’s okay because at least it is getting done. One of the differences I’ve noticed is that I’m much more reluctant to pick up books to read. I don’t want to fill my head with someone else’s story when I have my own stories that can be using the space to grow. I think I’ve been less stressed this past week or more, but the schedule has been so busy that it is kind of hard for me to tell.

Howard left for Linucon this morning. I intended to get up with him and visit while he was preparing for departure. I remember him rolling out of bed to take a shower, then he woke me up to say goodbye because it was time for him to walk out the door. I needed the sleep, but I miss him when he’s not here to talk to. Even more so now that he’s home all day.

Well, I’m off to take Gleek to preschool and Patches off to run multiple errands. Whee.

Toy Storage

By / September 24, 2005 / 6 Comments

Over the past week or more I’ve been feeling increasing frustration with the state of my home. I’ve been so busy making sure kids get to school and homework gets done and people get fed, that I have been losing the battle with entropy in my house. A huge part of the problem is that I haven’t been making the kids do housework. Making kids clean is always an uphill battle. I keep looking at that particular hill and deciding that where I’m sitting is alright. Except where I was sitting was starting to get knee deep in stuff.

So this week I’ve enforced the “Jail Box” more than once. Early this week I informed the kids that in 20 minutes anything left on the family room floor would be going to jail. They scrambled and picked everything up. Yay, I’d succeeded. But by the afternoon of the next day all the toys were back on the floor because they’d “picked up” by shoving everything onto the fireplace or into the toy box. The little toy shelf I bought when Link was a baby simply wasn’t an adequate storage solution for 4 kids worth of toys.

I stared at the family room and the jumble of toys for several days. I went and priced shelving at Home Depot and realized it was $200+ that I simply didn’t have lying around. I came back home and stared at the mess some more. I talked to Howard to evaluate whether maybe spending $200 might be worth it after all. He wasn’t sure it was the right solution. I stared at the mess a little more and was starting to feel like it was time to just get rid of all the toys. Fortunately that rash move was averted when Howard went out on an errand. He called me from our cell phone to let me know that a neighbor was having a garage sale and she had a dresser that might work for toy storage. I imediately tossed Gleek and Patches into the stroller and went to check it out. She had a dresser and a matching corner cabinet. They were not beautiful, but they were sturdy, they would fit, and they would store toys. My wonderful neighbor sold them to me for $50 and then helped me move them into my house.

I spent the remainder of the afternoon sorting through the jumble of toys. I threw away broken bits, put legos back in the lego bucket, put knex back in the knex boxes, threw all the balls into a bag in a drawer, found that the huge bottom drawer was perfect for all of Patches big trucks, located all the little people and their accessories, put 30 or more hair bands back in the bathroom, took a pile of pencils to the kitchen, took a pile of books to the bookshelf, threw bread crusts away, threw away bits of games that we got rid of ages ago because we couldn’t find all the bits, and various other sorting tasks. (In case anyone was wondering a big toybox is about the worst possible toy storage solution because when kids are cleaning they throw EVERYTHING into the toybox in a frantic effort to get it all out of sight as quickly as possible. Small toyboxes with specific labelled purposes are much better, though not childproof. Small boxes tend to get carried off and used as boats or houses, then the box is missing at clean up time. But small boxes are definitely better than the Giant Toybox of DOOM.) When I was done with the sorting and relocating, my family room was clean. I can actually see my fireplace for the first time in years. Not only that, but things are sorted so that when I say “Clean the family room” I can also say “If I can still see toys you’re not done yet.” Best of all, the dresser and cupboard are not even full. I no longer fear Christmas because I now have places to put the coming influx of stuff.

I still intend to sort through the rest of my house and thin out the surplus. I’d like all of my house to have the same spacious feeling that my family room just acquired. Mostly I’m just grateful that the solution arrived just when I really needed it.

Bank Excursion

By / September 23, 2005 / 7 Comments

I spent most of this morning at the bank. My primary mission was to take my variable rate Home Equity loan and create a fixed-rate sub loan for it so I don’t continue to get dinged as rates go up. My secondary mission was to register for the free safe deposit box that is supposed to come with our Gold savings account. The secondary mission was accomplished with dispatch. I got to see the cool vault room and play with a hand scanning device.

The primary mission was a little more complicated. I sat down at the loan consultant’s desk and explained what I wanted. He responded by laying out an array of money-borrowing options for me to consider. The one that looked the best was to roll the debt into a new 10 year mortgage. I called Howard and he agreed that it looked best. So I sat down to get the paperwork rolling. Then the loan consultant said “Alright we’ll need to do a credit check, and your property tax statement, and get some income verification.” The credit check isn’t a problem. I have the property tax statement filed. But any lender who looks at our apparent monthly income is going to laugh and refuse to loan us money. I explained this to the loan consultant who hemmed and hmmmed and tried to convince me that I should go through the rigamarole anyway because they MIGHT lend me money.

Let me see, annoying paperwork and credit check with accompanying hassle followed by a refusal to lend money, OR fill out and sign a single page form to get the sub loan I came in for in the first place… I walked out of there with the sub loan.

I much prefer juggling money to juggling debt. But at least I’m being able to see this debt get smaller with each juggling pass. In less than 10 years there won’t be any debt left to juggle.

Scooter Ride

By / September 22, 2005 / 5 Comments

I like to walk to pick up Link from school. This usually involves loading Gleek, Patches, and Link’s scooter all into my stroller and pushing. Link loves riding his scooter home, but there isn’t a good way to lock it up at school, so I just end up hauling it for him. Link loves riding his scooter so much that if I show up in the car he almost cries. Since Gleek and Patches enjoy the trip and I enjoy doing something active everyone wins.

Today I won even bigger than usual. Time came for me to pick up Link, and Patches was asleep. Yay! I’d only have to push one child instead of two, because Howard can listen for sleeping Patches. Then when I went to tell Gleek “time to go” she was so involved with her computer game that she wanted to stay at home with Daddy. For the first time I had no kids to take with me to pick up Link. This eliminated the need for a stroller, but I knew I had to bring the scooter because Link would be sad if I didn’t. I started out pushing the scooter, but by the time I was at the end of my driveway I’d figured out that riding the thing was safer than pushing it and letting it snake around and hit the backs of my legs. By the end of the cul de sac I’d figured out how to ride the thing and was having fun.

So I coasted along enjoying the breeze and feeling a little silly and a little guilty. The guilt was because I was riding the scooter sans helmet, something I’ve repeatedly scolded my kids for doing. I was even hauling Link’s helmet so he could wear it for the jaunt home, but we just don’t have a helmet my size right now. If I ever buy a bike I’ll get a helmet too, but for today I’ll just have to be a hypocrite. Feeling silly was because there aren’t many 32 year old women out there riding razor-style scooters. I wasn’t about to let public opinion alter this particular choice, but I couldn’t help but wonder what people thought as they drove or walked by. Mostly I’m glad to have had a 10 minute scooter ride where I remembered that 32 isn’t so old after all.

One Year

By / September 20, 2005 / 12 Comments

Today is special. One year ago today Howard came home from Novell never to return. He has been a full-time cartoonist for a year now. One year ago we had a business that was on the edge of breaking even, after years of costing us money. We had enough in savings to pay for about 3 months of living expenses. Logic would not have told us that it was the right time for Howard to quit. But it was. Now, a year later, Howard’s cartooning can be relied on to pay a third to a half of each month’s expenses and because of some timely windfalls we now have enough in savings to carry us for another six months. Our position today is much better than it was a year ago, but we’re still not out of the woods.

I confess there are days when I walk through a grocery store and look longingly at treat foods like avocados and chicken nuggets and chocolate cheescake. There are games I’d like to own. There are household projects which are on indefinite hold. If I wanted to I could create a huge list of things I’d love to have enough money to do. But I’ve BEEN there. A year ago I had money enough for all of those things. We are so much happier now. It is good for us to have to prioritize and decide what is really important to us. Yes I’d like more money, but I want to have more money because the cartooning is bringing it to us, not because we had to give the cartooning up.

I continue to feel fortunate and blessed to be where I am. This past year has been a gift, I’m just greedy enough to want second one even better than the first.

Twilight dance

By / September 19, 2005 / 1 Comment

Twilight has a magic to it. It is dim enough that lights shine over distances, but still bright enough that trees and buildings have detail. The cooling air is invigorating and the blueness of the sky is soothing. I like being outside at twilight. I once read a story about a fairy maiden who would dance in a meadow under the shining moon. She was beautiful and, of course, someone saw her and fell in love. I don’t remember the rest of the story, but that image of dancing in the wind under the trees stayed with me as an ideal of beauty and freedom. I’ve often wished I could find some big open place and just dance. What a wonderful way to feel wild and young and free. I still wish for it sometimes. There is a part of my soul that cries out against the regimentation of my life. I don’t go outside at twilight anymore because that is bedtime, one of my most intensive times of day. That is when the kids need my full attention as I read stories and help with prayers and drinks and snacks. I help with these things enclosed inside four walls. Have you ever noticed that the air is dead inside a building? People call that “stuffy” but to me it feels dead. Inside air doesn’t live or invigorate the way that outside air does. (Of course inside air shelters, but that’s a subject for a different day.)

Responsibility is a trap and a joy. My children depend on me to provide stability. The last thing I want to do is fail them. They bring me joy and purpose. I can’t run off to dance in moonlit fields without abandoning them. But I can write a story about someone who does. I can dance in my own backyard. Just because I can’t have the whole dream doesn’t mean I’ll refuse the snatches of it that I can have.

Filling up

By / September 18, 2005 / 4 Comments

Mothers give and give and give to their children. Giving is just part of the job description. Mothers are like gardeners who sprinkle water from their own reserves to make sure that everything stays growing. Unfortunately if I as a mother allow my wellspring to get completely empty then I have nothing more to give and everyone suffers. Today I realized that I haven’t been doing enough to keep my wellspring full. Fortunately there are a few small changes I can make that I think will make a huge difference.

I will read from my scriptures every day. This gives my brain and spirit something meatier to nourish them than the usual light reading I default into.

I will do something every day to make my home more beautiful. It may just be doing the dishes and wiping the counters, but sometimes I’ll try to do longer lasting things like planting flowers or (gasp) repainting a room.

I will do something active every day. Right now the default for this is walking Link home from school, but anything that gets me moving will do.

I will write something every day. It might be a fragment of story, it might be a journal entry, but writing focuses my thoughts and makes me feel like I actually did something measurable. I’ll probably be putting most of it in here because feedback makes writing more rewarding.

Each week I will schedule some time for a project that is mine. It might be sewing, it might be a trip to the hardware store, it might be an early morning birdwatching jaunt. The important bit is that I plan ahead for it and it is something that I want to do not something that someone else asked of me.

Thought processess like the one above are one of the reasons I love going to church. In church meetings topics are discussed that bring inspiration to my mind and I understand my life in new ways. Today the lesson made me realize how discouraged I’d been feeling lately. In almost the same moment that I identified discouragment as my problem, everything I wrote above flooded into my head as a solution. Inspiration is wonderful.

Story time!

By / September 17, 2005 / 8 Comments

This is a fragment of a story that fell into my head this moring. I decided to store it here:

2 pm is not the time you expect to see ghosts. Ghosts belong in darkness and spooky places like graveyards or old houses, not in fields full of bright sunflowers on a summer afternoon. Yet the whistle rang in my ears, and the ground shook with the rumble of wheels. I could smell the smoke from the coal burning engine and the wind of passage was chill against my face. Of all my senses, only my eyes could not perceive the train. An electric chill crept up my spine and my hair all began to stand on end. I wanted to flee from this unknown thing that was turning my perceptions of the world inside out. Kyle’s small hand crept into my own and his voice was hushed, “It comes every Thursday. I like to be here to wave at them. I think it makes them happy.”

Late night ramble

By / September 16, 2005

It is late. I should be sleeping. Sleeping is harder when Howard is gone. Tonight he and Link are on a church sponsored father/son campout. This is important bonding time for the two of them. Howard briefly considered taking Patches along too, but then realized that there would be diapers involved with that project. It’s just as well, I’d have a hard time sending my “baby” off camping without me. That “baby” is now half a year away from his third birthday. Just yesterday I pulled out size 3T clothes for him to wear. I’m not sure why it is that the bigger clothes should make him seem so much older, but they do. He’s really a little boy now not a baby anymore.

Wow, late night sleepies with no Howard make me rambly. I meant to write about Howard and campout.

Today was a much less hectic day. Note: “less hectic” is not the same as “peaceful” I did manage to finish the day with the house visibly cleaner than it began.

And I’ve just realized that I’m too tired to write anymore. All the thoughts sneak away before they’re more than half-formed into words. I assure you I had good thoughts. I think they’re waiting for me on the far side of a good night’s sleep.