Mommy Challenge

Children test thier parents. They’ll deliberately defy rules to see if they can get away with it or sometimes just because they’re mad. Parents never know when these challenges will come. They’re like Parenting Skills Pop Quizzes. And also like pop quizzes I feel really happy if I get it right and frustrated when I get it wrong. Today Gleek provided me with a Mommy Challenge and I got it exactly right, so I need to brag a little. I’ll put it behind the cut though because I’m not sure everyone cares to have all the details.

Gleek loves baths, she asks for them daily. I have strict rules about “only Mommy runs the water” though because I don’t want the tub to overflow or kids to scald themselves. Lately Gleek will get in the tub and then after about 5 minutes she’ll start the water running again. For awhile I would come in, require her to shut off the water, and tell her if she turned it on again then bathtime would be over. She would leave it off for that bath, but then the next bath I’d have to come in and say the same thing. Yesterday I decided I was done letting her bend rules and giving warnings. She turned on the water, I came in and hauled her wet-and-screaming out of the tub. I hoped once would be enough, but today she was in the tub and I heard the water running. I hauled her out again and left her screaming & wet on her floor while I got Patches dressed.

Then I went into my room to finish folding laundry. Gleek followed me and began what I think of as her “Angry talk.” When Gleek feels mad she wants to share the anger, so she sat naked on my floor and told me “I’m going to break the whole house and make it melt!” I’ve heard this particular threat before and have previously informed her that I’d make her buy replacements for anything she damaged even if I had to sell all her toys to do it. (I didn’t want her to move from talking about damage to committing damage.) I’ve come to realize that Gleek says these things to force people to pay attention to her and to try to make them as upset as she feels, so today I gave her zero response. I kept hanging clothes.

Then Gleek said “I’m going to break all of Kiki’s toys!”
Without turning around or looking at her I said calmly: “Then I’ll have to give your toys to Kiki.”
Gleek didn’t like that at all. She really wanted to make me angry and pay attention to her so she said “I’ll break all Kiki’s toys and I’ll kill Kiki!” I suppose talking about violence is better than actually doing it, but it isn’t behavior I can condone. I decided I didn’t even want to listen to anymore of this talk. So I turned, scooped naked Gleek off my floor, put her in her room and told her she could come back out when she had decided to be a nice person again.

Unfortunately in order to keep Gleek in her room I have to stand by the door and hold onto the knob. She screamed and kicked and then there was a sudden quietness. Not completely quiet though, her breathing was odd. Then I realized it was a noise I hear her make when she is pooping. She was deliberately pooping on her bedroom carpet in an effort to make me mad. I opened the door, saw the lone little poop on her carpet, looked at Gleeks whatcha-gonna-do-now-mom face and shut the door again. She wanted a big reaction, I refused to give her one. There was a moment of silence beyond the door, then the crying began: “Mooom! It’s stinky! I don’t like that smell!” I let her live with it for another minute, then I opened the door and required her to go get toilet paper, pick up the poop, and flush it down the toilet. Then I required her to get dressed.

Once she was dressed, I grabbed her blanket and snuggled her in the rocking chair to reassure her that I still loved her. She was ready to behave like a nice girl and I was ready to be a nice mommy.

I wish that Gleek didn’t require frustrating confrontations before she’ll internalize and obey rules. But if confrontations are inevitable, then I hope I can always manage them as well as, or better than, I did this one.