Twice today I have referred to events which are happening on Saturday as “tomorrow”. I guess part of my brain is still chanting “Lalalalalala! I can’t hear you Friday!”
There is also the part of my brain that is very absorbed in trying to figure out how I managed to so severly over schedule myself so that I can Never Ever Do It Again. If I survive through Monday it will only be because Howard is a wonderful husband.
I thought I was prepared. I thought I had everything ready. Once again preschool mowed me flat. Behind the cut is a really long description of what running a home preschool is like. Everything in the description took place today between 9:30 am and noon. …
There is a place beyond “stressed out” where I resided last night and early this morning. It is like the eye of a hurricane where everything feels heightened, different, but the whirlwind is about to descend. Beyond stressed out I am not exactly calm, but I have no time to do anything but be focused. Unless I am also tired, then about all I can do is sleep or cry.
This week accumulated deadlines and Events Which I Must Manage. At least one per day all week with some days doubling or tripling up. Contemplating this week exhausts me. Today was enormously simplified when NotMyBaby’s mom called me and told me he was sick and she’d be staying home with him. I don’t want NMB to be sick, but I’m so glad he won’t be here during my hosting of Gleek’s preschool this morning. 6 preschoolers I can manage, add a baby into the deal and suddenly I’m having to manage 6 preschoolers one handed and with only half my attention. I knew I’d have to do it when I agreed to watch NMB, but I was anticipating today with dread. I’ll still have to do it on Friday, but right now Friday is an endless list of Things To Do away and I can safely pretend it isn’t there. Lalalalalala I can’t hear you Friday!
Today: Preschool
Tomorrow: NMB, craft & luncheon at the church building. (I’m in charge), cub scouts, activity day for Kiki
Thursday: NMB, Evening at the temple with relatives (Agh I’ve got to find babysitting!)
Friday: NMB, Preschool again (1 handed with half attention Lalalala! Can’t hear it!) imediately followed by having people over for lunch.
Saturday: Hide in bed while the kids wreak havoc in the house.
And of course each of those days will also include meal preparation, Homework Time, sending kids to school, retrieving kids from school and random sprinklings of tantrum or emotional drama.
Edit: Nov 17, 2005 After I wrote this entry things were added to the schedule. NMB’s mom called and asked if he could stay 3 hours longer on Thursday. I said yes because I was so grateful for his absense on Tuesday. Kiki came home with an invitation to Harry Potter for Saturday morning. More babysitting had to be arranged for that. Sunday acquired a Relief Society meeting and an evening Devotional in addition to Church. Even more babysitting. So the collapse on Saturday can only be a partial one. Whee.
Today’s episode of CSI: Mommy began with a loud THUMP and crying. I dashed from downstairs to go and see if there was blood. I found the following scene:
Patches was sitting on the floor legs straight out in front of him. He was waving his hands as if they had “yucky” on them. Gleek was sitting on the floor next to the back door emiting a wailing noise. Between them the floor was … shiny. Hardwood floors are supposed to gleam, but this one glistened liquidly in swirling patterns. Something had been smeared. All over. By small fingers. A glance at the counter showed me the remains of Gleeks bowl of pink yogurt. The floor was glistening pinkly. By this time I was pretty sure that it was yogurt swirled so artistically all over the floor. And that Gleek had slipped and fallen on the slick yogurt. All that remained was for me to figure out the motive behind this particular crime scene. In true CSI fashion I began questioning suspects and in accordance with the script, they spilled the beans.
Gleek was eating yogurt. She wanted to share some with Patches, so she dropped dollops onto the floor for him to swipe up with his finger and lick. Apparently sharing into another bowl or with an additional spoon didn’t occur to her. The swirl patterns left by this activity were so fascinating that Food Sharing turned into Art Project. They were quite happy with themselves until Gleek was betrayed by the slickness of be-yogurted flooring.
I made the little artists help me clean up the mess.
Today is the first day of me being a childcare provider for someone else’s child. NotMyBaby arrived this morning at 8:15 and he’ll be staying until half past noon. So far it’s working out just fine. NMB is down for a nap now and I’m having breather. The adjustment is taking a lot of energy from me. NMB is an only child and isn’t quite sure what to make of Gleek or Patches who keep shoving toys in his face in an effort to make him happy. After about an hour Patches started feeling a little insecure about all the attention that NMB was getting from me and started plunking himself in my lap. After NMB went down for a nap I made sure to snuggle Patches and read him a story.
In other news I’m pleased and flabbergasted at how successful Howards first ebay auction is going. I’m hitting myself for not learning how to sell on ebay before this. We’ll probably be doing one auction a week during the Christmas shopping season and slow down after that.
I am happy today for the sunshine
For the skies of gray or blue
For within my heart is a song of life
I’ll live, I’ll work, I’ll do
No cloud can cast a shadow
Over courage such as mine
I’ll sing my song as I go along
I’ll live, I’ll work, I’ll do
My mom used to sing that song in the morning as she made breakfast. Today I found myself singing it while making breakfast. Singing it made the morning a good place. Generational connections have value.
Most of the day was pretty good. The 90 minutes between 4:30 and 6 pm were not. I spent most of the time furious for no good reason. My kids were no worse than they usually behave. But for some reason every single thing they did recieved a high volume scolding from me. The knowledge that I was behaving poorly fed into the behavior in a horrific negative feedback loop. When I feel like that I want my kids to cower in fear and do exactly as I say. They don’t, because they are fairly confident and secure individuals. Unfortunately their failure to cower only makes me get madder. Anger is not rational. Anger definitely doesn’t want to be fair or reasonable. Anger was definitely in control this evening.
I finally reached a point where the fury could not hold any longer and I found myself in tears appologizing to Howard for being mean to his kids. Like any good husband, Howard patted my back and told me it was all okay. What really broke me up though was when Patches came into the room, climbed into my lap, and gave me a long long snuggly hug. I’d made him dissolve into tears on the kitchen floor only minutes before and there he was loving me, reassuring me, and seeking reassurance from me. I held him and appologized to him and talked to him. How can he still like me and need me on days like this?
It would be nice if I could say that Patches hug turned everything around. The rest of the evening has been better, but I’m definitely still a grouchy mom instead of an empathetic and kind mom. Hopefully I can get them all into bed soon so that tomorrow can be a better day.
http://www.mommybloggers.com/
http://threekidcircus.com/threekidcircus/
Yay! I’m not alone.
Wah! I’m not unique. 😉
I have many thoughts spinning in my head from the past weekend. I’m going to try to organize them here.
Conventions:
In the past couple of weeks Howard has recieved solicitations to attend several conventions. Most of these conventions are willing to pay his way. This makes me happy. Howard loves to attend conventions. It also shows that Howard is gradually gaining a reptuation as a fantastic convention guest. One conventions even specifically requested that I come along too. I attended it with Howard last summer and did a panel which apparently impressed them. This makes me very glad. I loved doing that panel and would love the chance to attend more conventions and be on more panel discussions. Unfortunately most of the conventions inviting Howard are still relatively small and Howard isn’t yet a major draw, so we can’t start hitting them up for airfare for two people yet. And I can’t be running off from the kids every month either. But some day I’ll go with Howard to every convention he attends.
Babies:
My sister’s baby was adorable. Every time I held the baby or heard the baby cry it triggered all my mommy nurturing instincts. But now I’m home and happy to have my own kids without having to manage the schedule of a newborn as well. I’m even happier to not be dealing with all the body and hormonal shift problems that come naturally during the post partum period. My body is my own. Yay!
Strep:
Kiki came down with strep the day before we left for Boise. Fortunately we were able to get her medicated and non-contagious before we left. Unfortunately Link tested positive for strep this morning. Now I get the joyful duty of calling my family and telling them I may have given them a surprise gift to take home with them. I really hope no one else gets sick. I’ve only been to two big family events this year and both times my kids had communicable diseases to share. Whee.
We recieved a toy catalog in the mail today. There have been lots of them lately as the retailers are trying to capture my christmas spending money. Fortunately since I’m the one who brings in the mail I can pitch the catalogs before the kids get a chance to see them and covet things. We used to be able to afford that stuff. Today in a moment of nostalgia/boredom rather than pitching the catalog right away I looked through it first. I saw toys that were designed to appeal to parents, but which the kids probably would not play with. I saw toys that look exciting in a catalog, but probably wouldn’t get played with once they were opened. I saw toys that kids would love, but that were dressed up with unecessary bells & whistles. I saw some good basic toys, but not very many. I did not see a single thing that I actually wanted to spend money on. This is good because everything in the catalog cost way too much.
Good quality toys last for a long time. This means that you are extremely likely to be able to find them used. Buying used toys saves money and saves you from dealing with the kitchy toy du jour. Instead you get to deal with last year’s kitchy toy du jour, but at least you spent a lot less money on it. Buying used toys also means that you don’t get to mentally pick a specific item and go get it the same day.
How do you acquire good toys for next to nothing? The best way is to be around when someone else is moving or just cleaning out closets. Then the toys are usually free. Next on the list is garage sales or thrift stores. On the more expensive end of “used” are resale shops for “gently used” items. I have an advantage. I’m not starting from scratch with this tiny budget. I already have a good stock of toys for my kids to play with. In fact I’m quite willing to be patient because my kids already have more toys than they want to have to pick up at the end of the day.
I feel so detached from the over hyped commercialism that is american society. Shopping is central to how americans arrange their time, homes, roads, and entertainment. They live to shop. I’ve somehow escaped that trap and I’m very glad of it. The catalog went into the trash.