During church last Sunday I had an epiphany. Like any good epiphany, it was not a single inspiring thought, but rather a mental shift which caused a cascade of new thougts and re-adjustments of old thoughts. The epiphany was this: if I am filling my mind and heart with gratitude for the things I have, then I do not have room for dissatisfaction or fear or any of the other feelings which make me unhappy. The thought itself isn’t brilliant. It is one of those “I should already know this” kinds of thoughts. But the application of this epiphany in my life shifts how I view everything. I’ve been resentful over the possible loss of cartooning when I should be feeling grateful that we got to do it at all.
When Howard quit Novell, we only figured he’d be able to cartoon for a few months before having to get another full time job. Circumstances have conspired to allow full-time cartooning to continue for 18 months so far. At first we were only grateful for each month we could continue. But now I’m greedy. I want it to last forever and I know that our savings are running out. The end of the savings felt like the end of cartooning, the end of everything. Currently cartooning pays about 1/3 of our family’s bills. I do not see how we can triple cartooning income in only 8 more months. Another two years, probably, but not in 8 months. Obviously this situation cannot continue. But so long as my head was full of fear and frustration I was unable to see anything but the looming deadline of “no more money.” It was getting very hard to pinch pennies cheerfully when attaining our goal of cartooning forever seemed futile. This feeling of futility hung over both Howard and I. We’ve lamented time and opportunities now gone. Howard’s work on the book is progressing, but isn’t done yet. Even our best case scenarios on book sales don’t solve the financial problems. I was picturing us running out of savings and Howard having to give up cartooning for a corporate job.
Today gratitude has banished fear. Most people never get the chance to live thier dreams. We’ve had our dream for 18 months now. That is a marvelous gift. Today I feel grateful that we’ve had the chance without feeling fearful that we won’t get to keep it. This clarity of mind and heart meant that when I did bookkeeping this morning I saw the finances differently. Suddenly I see that we don’t need a high paying, high stress corporate job. All we need is a way to bring in that other 2/3 of our monthly bills as we gradually continue to build the cartooning income. A part time job might do it. I’ve no idea what kind of a part time job, but I’m sure that somewhere out there is a job that would work. For the first time in more than a year I can visualize a financially sustainable future.
It seems I have yet another thing to be grateful for.
Yay!!!!!
Question: A part-time job for Howard or a part-time job for you?
A part time job for Howard. Howard cannot watch kids and cartoon at the same time, so if I took a job it would mean paying for daycare. My lack of work experience would put me in an entry level position somewhere. After daycare I’d probably net about $2 per hour. The added stress of not having someone managing the household would probably cause us to spend more as well. Also I would have less cycles for managing business and family finances which would probably end up with money lost.
Short version, me working at a job probably loses us money.
Now if I can pick up occasional custom sewing jobs or babysitting to do at home I wouldn’t be adverse to that. Maybe when all my kids are in school, but that isn’t for a few years yet.
Sounds to me like Howard might need to find some sort of consulting gig. The income is irregular (like cartooning isn’t, hah!) and it can be quite stressful at times, but it is so much better than most part-time jobs. Every time money gets tight (all too often) and I start looking around for other possible sources of income, I keep coming back to the realization that if I can just squeeze an extra three or four hours billable in each week, I can do better than putting in eighteen hours of typical part-time work.
I would think that with Howard’s background, he ought to be able to find some sort of thing that people would want to pay him for on a consulting type basis.
Just a thought.
Exactly. The point here is that there is a middle ground between only cartooning and abandoning cartooning for corporate work. I wasn’t seeing the middle ground. Couldn’t tell you why, it’s obviously there.
The only true epiphany is one where you already know the stuff, but for some reason it isn’t really real until that magical moment strikes. Whenever I have one of those cool insta-zings that change my whole world in a snap, I find myself with this odd combination of feelings: wonder, gratitude, and a great big heapin’ pile of DUH.
Of course we should know these things. It’s so easy, however, to let our minds get in our own way of what we already know inside, that it often takes a TADA! moment to set us back to center.
I’m glad you’re finding joy in the experiment again. I know that *you* finding that joy will help rekindle it in Howard as well.. and you’ll all be better for it, whether cartooning lasts another 6 months or 40 years (for the record, I’m rooting for the 40 years. ha!).
After a few quick web searches, I was pretty surprised by how many technology companies were based in or near Orem (or at least have an office there). I would think that with Howard’s impressive resume, he should be able to easily pick up some sort of work, part-time or consulting with any one of the companies just a hop, skip and a jump away. Within a couple of miles is Q Comm International, AppLabs, Symantec, Makau Corporation, NetZero, ComSys, Veevix Corporation and I’m sure countless other companies that could benefit from Howard’s experience. It’s just a matter of finding a company that meshes with his current needs, namely part-time and good pay. It’d probably be benefitial to catch up the buffer, prep a resume, and take a couple of days to zip around town letting the HR people know that Howard is available on a limited basis. He’ll probably get the “if we can’t have you full-time, we don’t want you at all” speech, but some company will see that he’d be a helluva an asset even if he’s only a part-timer.
and don’t forget that anything that Howard touches or uses to cartoon can be autographed and sold. Like that monitor he’s getting rid of…he could cartoon on it and autograph it and sell it! : )
I know that isn’t budget sustaining, but every little bit helps, right?
BTW, good epiphany, middle ground goooood….
Because the last time I did both cartooning and corporate work I abandoned the family. I’m not willing to do that again.
Which is exactly why we’ll explore other options first. Corporations want the devotion and loyalty of their employees. Yours aren’t available.
And we can always hope for yet another miracle. It’ll work out somehow.
You know when I was clicking around it didn’t even occur to me that he doesn’t necessarily need to look for a position with a tech company. There are ‘alternatives’. First there’s a growing need for freelance graphics and depending on who you can link up with, there is the potential for a fairly decent income from freelance contracts. I easily covered my bills 5 or 6 years ago (before opening my shop) by exclusively doing design contracts for the State of Alaska (no printing or brokering, just the layout and design). All states have a purchasing or procurement department that put projects out to bid, they run from the simple design/illustrate a brochure to the more complicated create a piece of major art for the capitol building. Plus you can always jump online at any of the freelance databases and browse thru a list of projects that are available. Here’s a place to start: http://www.ifreelance.com/ If you go under “Find Projects” and narrow the search to “Traditional Art” you’ll find 17 projects currently up for bid that include several cartooning project, illustrations for a children’s book, a book cover, and a Christian greeting card. Picking up a couple of freelance illustration jobs a month could go a long way to alleviate the money crunch.
Thanks for the link to that site. It could be potentially very useful.
a thought
Sometimes the Lord calms the storm; sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child.