I’m about to commit parental heresy: Homework is not always the most important thing to do. I know that it is my job to make sure homework gets done, thus supporting the educational efforts of the teachers at school, but sometimes other things are more important to me. Like being able to eat dinner in peace. Or making the kids stop screaming. Or fielding a business call. Or closing my eyes in exhaustion for a few minutes while hiding in the bathroom with the door locked.
I feel guilty about this, but it doesn’t change the fact that when juggling all the facets of my life I sometimes choose the homework ball as the one to drop. I try to catch it on the bounce, but I still dropped it.
Parent teacher conferences are tomorrow and I can tell already that Link’s teacher is going to want to talk about issues for which I’ve yet to find answers. I can tell from the politely desperate tone to her notes. And I have guilt because I’m very aware of all the nights in the past few months where Link didn’t do reading or homework because life was hectic and in my head second grade homework isn’t as critical as 5th grade homework. Way to encourage good study habits mom.
As you may have guessed, this was a rough evening. It was significantly complicated by a series of visitors and phone calls which always seemed to occur just when I’d begun to get the children under control. Fortunately valuable things may come of all the visitors and phone calls so I’m accepting this evening’s chaos as advance karmic payment for those future good things.
There is a growing debate about homework, for all but high school studants, and that it may be little more than busy work.
I have found that teachers who use it as a black or white thing are often poor at their jobs than ones who see and understand that the need for it is fluid.
sorry it was rough on you.
Ash
There is a growing debate about homework, for all but high school studants, and that it may be little more than busy work.
I have found that teachers who use it as a black or white thing are often poor at their jobs than ones who see and understand that the need for it is fluid.
sorry it was rough on you.
Ash
The greatest value of homework is to keep parents involved in the educational process. When the parents can see where their children are struggling, they are more likely to intercede.
Some parents will always be involved with or without homework. Other parents will remain uninvolved regardless of homework. It is the well intentioned but unaware parents who can be helped by the regular communication of homework. I like to think I spend all my time in the first category, but I’ve fallen into the last category more than once.
The greatest value of homework is to keep parents involved in the educational process. When the parents can see where their children are struggling, they are more likely to intercede.
Some parents will always be involved with or without homework. Other parents will remain uninvolved regardless of homework. It is the well intentioned but unaware parents who can be helped by the regular communication of homework. I like to think I spend all my time in the first category, but I’ve fallen into the last category more than once.
Homework. Fabian spent perhaps two hours total on it during high school. I meticulously completed every assignment up until I hit college. I think it’s safe to say we both turned out to be intelligent people.
Seems to me that the important thing is the children’s attitudes towards education, what they’re actually learning, and how they feel about themselves. Screw the busy work.
Homework. Fabian spent perhaps two hours total on it during high school. I meticulously completed every assignment up until I hit college. I think it’s safe to say we both turned out to be intelligent people.
Seems to me that the important thing is the children’s attitudes towards education, what they’re actually learning, and how they feel about themselves. Screw the busy work.
I don’t know if this will help because my children have different bedtimes but I usually help Emily first (if she needs it) and if Elizabeth also needs help I tell her “after your sister has gone to bed.” This is also for me since anything Elizabeth needs help with will be something I have to pay attention to. The other thing that may help is that I make the children responsible for the own homework… it is not up to me to remind them to do it. (I have to anyway every so often but I’m not supposed to)In my understanding, homework is partly to teach self dicipline and time management and I insist that they do it all, every night, and that they do it first.
You are probably a lot more involved with the homework process than I am as well as having twice as many children and closer together but I hope this helps.
I don’t know if this will help because my children have different bedtimes but I usually help Emily first (if she needs it) and if Elizabeth also needs help I tell her “after your sister has gone to bed.” This is also for me since anything Elizabeth needs help with will be something I have to pay attention to. The other thing that may help is that I make the children responsible for the own homework… it is not up to me to remind them to do it. (I have to anyway every so often but I’m not supposed to)In my understanding, homework is partly to teach self dicipline and time management and I insist that they do it all, every night, and that they do it first.
You are probably a lot more involved with the homework process than I am as well as having twice as many children and closer together but I hope this helps.
I haven’t had the homework challenge with my little guy yet, but when the stepson was living with us, homework was my job. We had a hard-and-fast rule: homework before play. The whole point was that everyone was happier when he just got it done and out of the way. No late-night sessions of “ooh wait! I forgot about…!” It just kept him..well, I won’t say it saved his life, but by golly it kept us from wanting to throttle each other over homework.
I’ve noticed, with the stepson and my nephews – and in my own memory – that homework can serve several purposes. It may just be busy work for some kids (and so often was for me… except in algebra), but for some, it’s actually helpful. Kids who have a need to internalize information may need to write those spelling words over and over to make them stick. Alian has dreadful handwriting; homework gave us the opportunity to work on improving its legibility. For a lot of school-aged children, schoolwork is the only time they write, and most schools nowadays don’t even work on writing; it’s no wonder that more and more young adults can hardly scribble a legible note.
Still, I don’t think that an 8-year-old should have hours and hours of homework each night. 30-45 minutes is probably plenty. Some of the stuff these teachers send home is ridiculous, IMHO.
Don’t beat yourself up too much for bad homework days. They happen. You’re not neglecting Link’s needs by sharing out your time according to your “triage” determinations. Second grade homework can be important, but by 5th grade, the stakes begin to be a bit higher. Soon, your older will be in High School and grades will count. There is only one of you; don’t beat yourself up for not having perfected cloning or bi-location yet. hehe
I haven’t had the homework challenge with my little guy yet, but when the stepson was living with us, homework was my job. We had a hard-and-fast rule: homework before play. The whole point was that everyone was happier when he just got it done and out of the way. No late-night sessions of “ooh wait! I forgot about…!” It just kept him..well, I won’t say it saved his life, but by golly it kept us from wanting to throttle each other over homework.
I’ve noticed, with the stepson and my nephews – and in my own memory – that homework can serve several purposes. It may just be busy work for some kids (and so often was for me… except in algebra), but for some, it’s actually helpful. Kids who have a need to internalize information may need to write those spelling words over and over to make them stick. Alian has dreadful handwriting; homework gave us the opportunity to work on improving its legibility. For a lot of school-aged children, schoolwork is the only time they write, and most schools nowadays don’t even work on writing; it’s no wonder that more and more young adults can hardly scribble a legible note.
Still, I don’t think that an 8-year-old should have hours and hours of homework each night. 30-45 minutes is probably plenty. Some of the stuff these teachers send home is ridiculous, IMHO.
Don’t beat yourself up too much for bad homework days. They happen. You’re not neglecting Link’s needs by sharing out your time according to your “triage” determinations. Second grade homework can be important, but by 5th grade, the stakes begin to be a bit higher. Soon, your older will be in High School and grades will count. There is only one of you; don’t beat yourself up for not having perfected cloning or bi-location yet. hehe
Your first paragraph explained it perfectly well. If they give you a problem, just tell them what you said here. It’s perfectly logical and very realistic. A teacher will likely understand as a human even if they have to keep up face as an employee of the school District.
I’ll agree that the Second Grade Homework is more about forcing some parenting for those who need the reminder, but you are obviously already doing that. If they know that, they’ll be less concerned, I would think.
Good luck. You’re a good Mom.
Your first paragraph explained it perfectly well. If they give you a problem, just tell them what you said here. It’s perfectly logical and very realistic. A teacher will likely understand as a human even if they have to keep up face as an employee of the school District.
I’ll agree that the Second Grade Homework is more about forcing some parenting for those who need the reminder, but you are obviously already doing that. If they know that, they’ll be less concerned, I would think.
Good luck. You’re a good Mom.
Homework is a mixed bag. On the one hand, I think they generally give too much of it, or give it without sufficient reason. On the other hand, kids need to learn decent study habits before too late.
Being a child of 70’s schooling, I never had any homework assigned at all until third grade, and then I blew it off with light scholastic consequences. The trend continued in fourth grade and then in fifth we were given a couple of huge assignments (with generous lead times) that I worked on as little as possible and was poorly marked for. Sixth grade continued the trend, and seventh mostly the same, because I could do most “homework” in class.
In eighth I waxed and waned on doing homework, though there was much more. By this point I had horrible habits and put stuff off all the time. In ninth grade I got nailed. I had a teacher who taught “gifted” kids and knew that many of us were major slackers. He ruthlessly assigned homework within one minute of the bell ringing, that was due the next day. I pulled a solid D my first quarter. He gave no quarter and pulled no punches and I knew that the only possible way I could survive the class was to start doing my homework.
The story has sort of a good ending in that, for that class, I ended up at the end of the year with an A for the last quarter which translated into a B+ for the semester. But the damage had already been done. I still had lousy study habits, though I could at barely prioritize enough to meet deadlines. In college I did better, but I always wondered how much better my grades would have been if I had gotten better study habits younger.
My little sister, twelve years younger than me, came through a very different schooling time and experience. She had better study habits in third grade than I did when I graduated from high school. Her grades showed it too. The flip side is that she obsessed about getting work done and assignments perfect. This might have been her personality in any case, but much of the time I thought it was good I hadn’t had such study habits.
Now your (and my dilemma) with homework as a parent. My parents did very little with me on homework. This is a bit ironic as they were both school teachers (or it might explain it too). They expected it would get done, but did not monitor closely. That worked well for me and my younger sister, but my older sister needed more help, and most times got it.
My kids are very tightly regulated on homework, they do it first, right after school, but in some senses it doesn’t seem to matter. When they don’t want to do an assignment, it gets “forgotten” at school, or sometimes not mentioned at all. Yesterday we did our conferences (SEPs) and found out that two of the three boys had been hiding stuff that they should have done. In one case, the big biography project, he mentioned it only at times when he knew we couldn’t drop everything and look at it. At the conference we found that it was bigger than he told us and worth a large chunk of his grade.
At our elementary school the kids have a core teacher and then two or three specialty teachers. This gives them exposure to different teachers, but it also seems to let lots of problems fall between the cracks. I suppose that is good to get them ready for junior high, but it does make it tricky to keep track of what work should be getting done.
Is it worth the conflict and tears? I don’t know for certain, but if kids do establish good study habits early it stands them in good stead later. So we try.
This is way too long. Sorry.
Homework is a mixed bag. On the one hand, I think they generally give too much of it, or give it without sufficient reason. On the other hand, kids need to learn decent study habits before too late.
Being a child of 70’s schooling, I never had any homework assigned at all until third grade, and then I blew it off with light scholastic consequences. The trend continued in fourth grade and then in fifth we were given a couple of huge assignments (with generous lead times) that I worked on as little as possible and was poorly marked for. Sixth grade continued the trend, and seventh mostly the same, because I could do most “homework” in class.
In eighth I waxed and waned on doing homework, though there was much more. By this point I had horrible habits and put stuff off all the time. In ninth grade I got nailed. I had a teacher who taught “gifted” kids and knew that many of us were major slackers. He ruthlessly assigned homework within one minute of the bell ringing, that was due the next day. I pulled a solid D my first quarter. He gave no quarter and pulled no punches and I knew that the only possible way I could survive the class was to start doing my homework.
The story has sort of a good ending in that, for that class, I ended up at the end of the year with an A for the last quarter which translated into a B+ for the semester. But the damage had already been done. I still had lousy study habits, though I could at barely prioritize enough to meet deadlines. In college I did better, but I always wondered how much better my grades would have been if I had gotten better study habits younger.
My little sister, twelve years younger than me, came through a very different schooling time and experience. She had better study habits in third grade than I did when I graduated from high school. Her grades showed it too. The flip side is that she obsessed about getting work done and assignments perfect. This might have been her personality in any case, but much of the time I thought it was good I hadn’t had such study habits.
Now your (and my dilemma) with homework as a parent. My parents did very little with me on homework. This is a bit ironic as they were both school teachers (or it might explain it too). They expected it would get done, but did not monitor closely. That worked well for me and my younger sister, but my older sister needed more help, and most times got it.
My kids are very tightly regulated on homework, they do it first, right after school, but in some senses it doesn’t seem to matter. When they don’t want to do an assignment, it gets “forgotten” at school, or sometimes not mentioned at all. Yesterday we did our conferences (SEPs) and found out that two of the three boys had been hiding stuff that they should have done. In one case, the big biography project, he mentioned it only at times when he knew we couldn’t drop everything and look at it. At the conference we found that it was bigger than he told us and worth a large chunk of his grade.
At our elementary school the kids have a core teacher and then two or three specialty teachers. This gives them exposure to different teachers, but it also seems to let lots of problems fall between the cracks. I suppose that is good to get them ready for junior high, but it does make it tricky to keep track of what work should be getting done.
Is it worth the conflict and tears? I don’t know for certain, but if kids do establish good study habits early it stands them in good stead later. So we try.
This is way too long. Sorry.
I remember doing my homework in front of the t.v. I never studied and got B’s. My parents never talked to me about getting A’s, that Honor Society thing was for those “smart” students, honestly, I didn’t even know what it was…I barely knew enough about clubs to join the art club for one year.
So, I wasn’t encouraged to do my very best and cruised along with effortless B’s. (except in my favorite subjects, of course, I got A’s)
Same for college.
Now, my son got to experience 1st grade in two different schools. His first teacher in the old school was WAY OLD SCHOOL, she’d been teaching for 25 years and she seemed tired and frustrated and just really old school about everything. I always felt I was butting heads with her. She gave pages of math problems for homework every day that took at least an hour+ of complaining to get done.
The new school has 2 teachers, one for math and one for reading/etc. I was concerned because they sent home 2 pages (2 sided) of math homework and was expected to get it done in FOUR days. I asked about it and they are NEW SCHOOL, they stated studies showing that too much homework too young just frustrates kids and they just need enough homework to remind them about what they learned during the day.
My son’s 1st grade class got to take their teachers with them into the 2nd grade and I liked that because they didn’t have to get to know my son, they just kept going where they left off.
He is supposed to get homework done as soon as possible after school, sometimes because of unavoidable circumstances, it happens before bed and sometimes in the morning. If he totally spaces it, it’s his fault and he has to face the music at school.
Now, because I had been in PTA and School Community Council (I’m taking a break right now until my daughter gets into school, the politics wear you out!), I was made aware that High Schools are not all the same… And if I wanted my scientist/ inventor wannabe son in the high school that has a high tech lab at the U of U, I am going to need to study it out and make sure he gets to the right highschool… and as parents, do better than my parents (but not too crazy and rigid like my in-laws:) and encourage his BEST and make sure he knows about opportunities that would benefit him.
School is sooo complicated these days. I’ve got to stay on my toes!
My parents just sent me to the only available schools in the area and let me do homework in front of the t.v….:)
I remember doing my homework in front of the t.v. I never studied and got B’s. My parents never talked to me about getting A’s, that Honor Society thing was for those “smart” students, honestly, I didn’t even know what it was…I barely knew enough about clubs to join the art club for one year.
So, I wasn’t encouraged to do my very best and cruised along with effortless B’s. (except in my favorite subjects, of course, I got A’s)
Same for college.
Now, my son got to experience 1st grade in two different schools. His first teacher in the old school was WAY OLD SCHOOL, she’d been teaching for 25 years and she seemed tired and frustrated and just really old school about everything. I always felt I was butting heads with her. She gave pages of math problems for homework every day that took at least an hour+ of complaining to get done.
The new school has 2 teachers, one for math and one for reading/etc. I was concerned because they sent home 2 pages (2 sided) of math homework and was expected to get it done in FOUR days. I asked about it and they are NEW SCHOOL, they stated studies showing that too much homework too young just frustrates kids and they just need enough homework to remind them about what they learned during the day.
My son’s 1st grade class got to take their teachers with them into the 2nd grade and I liked that because they didn’t have to get to know my son, they just kept going where they left off.
He is supposed to get homework done as soon as possible after school, sometimes because of unavoidable circumstances, it happens before bed and sometimes in the morning. If he totally spaces it, it’s his fault and he has to face the music at school.
Now, because I had been in PTA and School Community Council (I’m taking a break right now until my daughter gets into school, the politics wear you out!), I was made aware that High Schools are not all the same… And if I wanted my scientist/ inventor wannabe son in the high school that has a high tech lab at the U of U, I am going to need to study it out and make sure he gets to the right highschool… and as parents, do better than my parents (but not too crazy and rigid like my in-laws:) and encourage his BEST and make sure he knows about opportunities that would benefit him.
School is sooo complicated these days. I’ve got to stay on my toes!
My parents just sent me to the only available schools in the area and let me do homework in front of the t.v….:)
My dad told a story about a traveling preacher (an old-timey circuit rider) who was, of course, invited to Sunday dinner at the home of some parishioners. He (back in the days when all preachers were men!) was served a piece of delectable peach pie at the end of a wonderful meal – whereupon he turned the plate around so that the point faced away from him, and proceeded to dig into the crust.
The littlest daughter worked up the nerve to ask him why he did that. “Oh,” he said, “I don’t like crust. So I always eat it first, to get it out of the way.”
In my house, the “homework/chores before play” rule was communicated as a principle to live by: Eat the crust first.
I [try to] live by it to this day, in the day job and all!
My dad told a story about a traveling preacher (an old-timey circuit rider) who was, of course, invited to Sunday dinner at the home of some parishioners. He (back in the days when all preachers were men!) was served a piece of delectable peach pie at the end of a wonderful meal – whereupon he turned the plate around so that the point faced away from him, and proceeded to dig into the crust.
The littlest daughter worked up the nerve to ask him why he did that. “Oh,” he said, “I don’t like crust. So I always eat it first, to get it out of the way.”
In my house, the “homework/chores before play” rule was communicated as a principle to live by: Eat the crust first.
I [try to] live by it to this day, in the day job and all!