Month: February 2006

Today I watched a CNN segment on “unschooling”, which is an educational method where the child chooses what to learn and when to learn it. (This schooling method does not appeal to me. I’m too organizational.) The segment set my brain whirling with thoughts and opinions about various educational methods. I decided to write an analysis of all the methods I know of and what I think of them. I even started writing it. Then I realized that my motivation for writing it was to reassure myself that laziness on my part isn’t the reason my kids attend public school.

I’ve considered homeschooling. I know I’m cabapble of being really good at it. To be honest, the thought of all the work invovled exhausts me. I would be constantly creating curriculum, researching topics, and planning activities. All of that while also managing the household and the business. I don’t want to do all of that. I don’t want to spend hours figuring out how to teach division when there are professional teachers available who already know how. Professional teachers already have the experience that I would have to painstakingly acquire. Why duplicate all that effort?

Public school teaches social lessons that cannot be learned at home. Sitting quietly, taking turns, and dealing with difficult people are all life skills. Some social lessons are painful, so painful in fact that some parents choose to home school in order to avoid them. I know that in public school my kids may encouter bullying, peer pressure, negligent teaching, or drugs. I feel that the best defense against these societal ills is not to shut my children up inside my safe house. The best defense is to inform my children about theset things before they encounter them.

Public school aslo gives my children the chance to meet people frome a variety of backgrounds, heritages, and socio economic strata. They get a chance to meet people with different values than we teach at home. This is good. Sheltering my children from these things is more likely to teach intolerance and fear than to provide safety. People need to have thier values and habits challenged so that they can re-evaluate them. I do not want my children following in my footsteps merely because no other footsteps are available to them.

The biggest indicator of educational success is parental involvement. If a child’s parents are actively involved it education, that child has already won no matter what educational method is used. If all the caring, active, involved parents pull their kids out of public school then the children whose parents can’t or won’t be involved do not stand a chance. I believe in the public school system. It has problems, all systems do, but most of those problems could be resolved if only more parents volunteered. I do volunteer in my kids’ schools. That fact reassures me that laziness isn’t why they’re there, because volunteering isn’t easy.

To summarize: My kids are in public school because I feel that social lessons are as important as academic ones and because by being there both they and I have a chance to help other kids who need it.

There, I feel better. Now my brain can stop whirling and find happy thoughts.

Edit: I feel better until I re-read it and after every paragraph my brain starts supplying contrary arguements for everything I just said. Sigh.

In the game Legend of Zelda: The Windwaker there is an auction in which the player can particpate. It allows the player to bid for goodies. Some computer controlled people bid against you. However, if the player’s bid is much higher than the preceeding bid, then the other people all go into a state of shock and are unable to bid for awhile. This is handy for winning auctions.

As of today, I know exactly how those computer characters feel. I peeked at our ebay auction of Schlock Mercenary business cards and realized it was over $100. I just sat and stared for a minute while little swirlys made my head spin. Maybe I’m making up the swirly part, but my head definitely felt spun for a moment. Last Monday I felt a little silly putting up business cards for auction. I was afraid they wouldn’t get bids at all. I mean, who buys someone else’s business cards, particularly out of date business cards? Apparently there are some collectors out there. This blows me away and makes me really glad at the same time. Thanks to those collectors we have $100 worth of additional time in which Howard can be a full time cartoonist.

We own the Looney Tunes Golden Collection volume 1. (Great collection, I just wish it had more roadrunner.) Looney Tunes was a part of my childhood. It makes me really happy to share some of that with my kids. So, today when I walked in on Gleek, Link, & Patches watching Looney Tunes I was even more delighted that they each were munching on a large carrot. Apparently Bugs Bunny promotes healthy snacking habits. Yay Bugs!

This week is busy. Not an insanely busy one like I had last November, but still fairly packed. Fortunately NotMyBaby’s grandpa is in town for two weeks and so I haven’t had to watch him. That freed up time for me to manage preschool, the monthly potluck luncheon at the church, and prepare for LTUE.

I get to spend half a day at LTUE with Howard. That will be really nice. I wish I could manage more, but I don’t want to incur too much babysitting indebtedness. I’m particularly excited to be able to be on a panel with Howard. We’ve never done that before.

Once LTUE is over I need to plan for Howard’s birthday and Patches’ birthday. There really isn’t much planning to be done, but I haven’t even had enough brainspace to think about it and the birthdays are just two weeks from today.

February is disappearing fast. I’m glad. I’m really ready for longer daylight hours and warmer weather. The first crocus bloomed last week. It made me glad. Unfortunately today it is buried under snow. Sigh.

It amuses me greatly that instead of a crossing guard, an animal control policeman was ushering children across the street near Link’s school. Is it bad that I found it appropriate?

I was sitting at my computer reading the news. Mostly I was just passing time until I could put Kiki to bed. Then I’d have all my kids in bed and could watch a movie. I was alerted to the presence of a child by shuffling steps on the stairs to my office. Link was out of bed. Irritated, I turned to look at him. His face radiated concern and he said
“Mom, I have something bugging me in my mind.” Something about his statement, or his expression, alerted me to the fact that I needed to give him my full attention. My face must have showed this realization, because Link stopped hovering doubtfully on the stairs and climbed into my lap. He cuddled into my lap as well as he could. He’s eight now and those arms & legs don’t cuddle as conveniently as they used to. I pondered that as I held him. As I listened I rubbed my face against his buzz-cut hair. It is pleasantly fuzzy and smells of my Link. The dirty version of Link rather than the clean one, but still mine. His hands are so much bigger than they used to be, but they were still much smaller than mine as he played with my fingers while talking. Someday not so far in the future I expect his hands will dwarf mine, but not yet. Today they are still soft child’s hands.

Link was worried about his movie that he plans to make. See he has this plan where he makes a movie and shows it to his whole school. This is the third or fourth time I’ve heard this plan in as many weeks. When I first heard the plan I wondered where on earth it came from and assumed that it would evaporate as so many childhood plans do. My adult judgement tells me that Link’s plan is unlikely, but I don’t like to squelch a dream. Tonight I’ve determined that this dream of Link’s really matters to him and I need to do more than just be passively encouraging. I don’t know that we’ll get his movie shown to his whole school, but I can certainly introduce him to the joys of stop-motion animation. So tomorrow afternoon I need to haul out our old video camera.

Link was also worried about death and life afterward. He does not want to grow up because he doesn’t want anyone to die. I held him close and looked into his big, worried, blue eyes and tried to convey the lesson that we need not fear the future. I believe that life continues after death and I shared that belief with him. We talked about deceased grandparents and how nice it will be to see them someday. Mostly we just talked and I could see Link’s forehead unwrinkle as he was able to unload the thoughts that had been gathering in his head. My answers helped, but mostly he needed to be heard.

Our topic of conversation moved from death into video games back to his movie and then into silence. We moved from my office chair to his bed where I asked if his mind felt calmer now. He answered that there was still one more thing. He was worried for his blankets. He didn’t want them to get ripped up. He told me how he’d prayed to Jesus that his blankets would always be safe and that Jesus had answered that they would be. He prays when I’m not looking and gets the answers he needs. When did my little boy get so big and so smart and so strong? He holds worlds of thoughts in his head and I never know about it until a night like this when his head gets so full it has to spill over. How grateful I am that I did not scowl and order him back to bed as I first planned.

After an animated description of videogames past and future, Link informed me that he still had two more thoughts in his head, but they could wait until tomorrow. I looked once more at his bright face. All the concern was banished now. He grinned at me displaying his mouthfull of missing teeth and adult teeth partially grown in. Those big teeth change the shape of his face. I think his voice has gotten a little deeper as well. His eyes are still bright blue though. He gave me a really big hug. Then as I got up to go he said “Just one more hug mom.” I know that supposedly boys stop wanting to hug their mothers as they grow. This joyful little person who snuggles right up to me may someday be embarassed by me. I’ll be wistful about that. For tonight I’m going to sneak in Link’s room tonight after he’s asleep and give him and extra hug and kiss just because I still can.

The Johari Window was invented by Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingram in the
1950s as a model for mapping personality awareness. By describing yourself from
a fixed list of adjectives, then asking your friends and colleagues to describe
you from the same list, a grid of overlap and difference can be built up.

A Johari window acctually seems like a useful way to get a peek into how I’m percieved by others. A couple of online friends have set up one and it interests me as well.

To contribute to my Johari window go here: http://kevan.org/johari?name=Sandra%20Tayler

To see my Johari window without contributing go here: http://kevan.org/johari?view=Sandra%20Tayler

To get your own Johari window go here: http://kevan.org/johari

On Saturday February 18 there is a Science Fiction and Fantasy symposium at BYU. Howard has been invited as a guest for that day and the two days preceeding. The important thing about Saturday is that at 3 pm Howard and I will have our first chance to give a joint panel. I’m excited about this. I got to be part of a panel at Fandemonium a couple of years ago and it was really fun. I can’t imagine who better to share a panel with than Howard. So over the next week I need to be doing brainstorming over possible topics to discuss. I don’t think we can run out in just an hour. Especially not if we manage to foster a discussion rather than a lecture.

Possible topics:
running a home business
why we quit a high paying job to do cartooning
how we manage a home business with kids underfoot
the creative process for Schlock Mercenary
frugality as a way of life
making ends meet
what makes our marriage work
how we met
division of labor in our family
our 5 and 10 year plans for the future
why we blog

Those are just off the top of my head. Any suggestions for other topics? If you were in that panel with Howard and I, what would you want to hear about?

During church last Sunday I had an epiphany. Like any good epiphany, it was not a single inspiring thought, but rather a mental shift which caused a cascade of new thougts and re-adjustments of old thoughts. The epiphany was this: if I am filling my mind and heart with gratitude for the things I have, then I do not have room for dissatisfaction or fear or any of the other feelings which make me unhappy. The thought itself isn’t brilliant. It is one of those “I should already know this” kinds of thoughts. But the application of this epiphany in my life shifts how I view everything. I’ve been resentful over the possible loss of cartooning when I should be feeling grateful that we got to do it at all.

When Howard quit Novell, we only figured he’d be able to cartoon for a few months before having to get another full time job. Circumstances have conspired to allow full-time cartooning to continue for 18 months so far. At first we were only grateful for each month we could continue. But now I’m greedy. I want it to last forever and I know that our savings are running out. The end of the savings felt like the end of cartooning, the end of everything. Currently cartooning pays about 1/3 of our family’s bills. I do not see how we can triple cartooning income in only 8 more months. Another two years, probably, but not in 8 months. Obviously this situation cannot continue. But so long as my head was full of fear and frustration I was unable to see anything but the looming deadline of “no more money.” It was getting very hard to pinch pennies cheerfully when attaining our goal of cartooning forever seemed futile. This feeling of futility hung over both Howard and I. We’ve lamented time and opportunities now gone. Howard’s work on the book is progressing, but isn’t done yet. Even our best case scenarios on book sales don’t solve the financial problems. I was picturing us running out of savings and Howard having to give up cartooning for a corporate job.

Today gratitude has banished fear. Most people never get the chance to live thier dreams. We’ve had our dream for 18 months now. That is a marvelous gift. Today I feel grateful that we’ve had the chance without feeling fearful that we won’t get to keep it. This clarity of mind and heart meant that when I did bookkeeping this morning I saw the finances differently. Suddenly I see that we don’t need a high paying, high stress corporate job. All we need is a way to bring in that other 2/3 of our monthly bills as we gradually continue to build the cartooning income. A part time job might do it. I’ve no idea what kind of a part time job, but I’m sure that somewhere out there is a job that would work. For the first time in more than a year I can visualize a financially sustainable future.

It seems I have yet another thing to be grateful for.