Day: March 10, 2006

I don’t like dreaming about my children being dead, but sometimes I do. I don’t dream of traumatic deaths, mostly I dream that a certain child is just gone. They are dreams about grief and about the huge hole the absense of that particular child would leave in my life. Last night I dreamed such a dream about Gleek. I dreamed that she never got to take her dance classes. Fortunately I awoke from the dream to discover that Gleek had snuck into bed with me. I was able to snuggle her for awhile before putting her back in her own bed so I could sleep the rest of the night.

This morning when Gleek woke up I took a few extra minutes to snuggle her on the couch. Gleek is only really snuggly when she’s sleepy, I need to savor the times when she is, because she’ll soon be too big to bundle up in my lap. When that happens I will grieve a little for the 5 year old Gleek that is no more, but only a little, because I’ll have a whole new Gleek to love. The thought of not having my 5 year old Gleek and the future being empty of other iterations of Gleek, makes me want to cry. And snuggle her lots more.

I don’t like these dreams, but I think it is good I have them sometimes. The dreams make me take a look at what I have and appreciate it lots more.