Day: May 30, 2006

I just spent 40 minutes explaining to my introverted daughter Kiki that a mumbled apology while staring at her feet simply doesn’t feel like an apology to extroverted Gleek. Gleek needs eye contact and touch to really feel reassured. When Kiki is upset she needs alone time, when Gleek is upset she needs people close by, if you leave Gleek she feels abandoned. For the sake of the conversation with Kiki, I called it “two different body languages” although that really isn’t the best terminology since more than body language is involved. The core message of our conversation was that for an apology to be effective at repairing damage, it needs to be placed in the language of the reciever which may or may not match that of the giver. Kiki naturally wants to show her shame by hanging her head and speaking low, but Gleek reads that behavior as being disengaged and unsorry. Hugs and eye contact make Gleek feel better, but are uncomfortable for Kiki to extend because she needs her space.

I’ve got a long road to walk with these two to help them relate well. But hopefully at the end I’ll have an introvert who speaks fluent “extrovert” and an extrovert who speaks fluent “introvert.”