Month: July 2006

I’m feeling really happy right now. This is despite the fact that my kitchen is filled with dirty dishes rather than clean ones. I’ve done some weeding today. I started the laundry. Howard posted a picture of the Blank Label convention booth which clearly shows the yards of drape and tablecloth I sewed all day on Monday, and it looks good. It doesn’t just look good, it has garnered compliments which Howard passed on to me. All of that and I finally finished the first draft of a story that has been languishing for more than a year. I just need to tighten it up a little and then it will be ready for others to read it.

I’m feeling chipper enough that I might even go tackle those dishes.

Some days don’t seem like anything special. Today was one of those. It was just a midsummer day. The temperatures were lower because a nice thunderstorm blew through. I’m glad to be back below 100 degrees. The kids played pretty well all day long. There were squabbles, but nothing major. A few things do stick out.

This morning Gleek told me all about her wonderful dream where she had lots of magic wands. She used them to make rainbow shoes for me. Then she used another wand to make me a rainbow dress that was so shiny it made more rainbows. Then she made Yoshis for everyone in the family and she “dinged” them to life and we all rode around on Yoshis. It sounded like a truly wonderful dream and she was snuggly/happy while telling me about it.

I didn’t get much done today. I’m still trying to fight off the tendency to enter a holding pattern when Howard is out of town. I find myself spending too much time online as if somehow that will make me feel closer to him. Or at least to someone grown up. I need to get more sleep tonight rather than staying up past midnight because I don’t want to go to bed without him. Having Howard away probably does nothing to increase our risk of being victimized by crime, but I sure feel safer when he is here. Weird.

My sister in law came over today. She wanted to see the livejournal book I created using Lulu.com, because she has a project for which the same solution might work. She was really impressed with the book and really impressed with my intended project of creating a storybook of stories that my kids have written. After listening to my description of getting Patches to tell a story, she mentioned that she should probably do something similar for her three year old. I know why she hasn’t. The same reason it took me this long to do a project like this. She has a baby in her house. When I had a baby I never had time to sit down with a toddler and write what he said as he drew a picture. I’m so glad I can do it now. I’m really enjoying collecting the stories and I’m going to love surprising my kids with the books. I may even make the finished book part of Christmas, but I’m not sure.

One of my neighbors is moving away in a little more than a week. Her son has been Link’s best friend since before they can remember. It’s going to be hard on Link. It is going to be even harder on the boy who is moving away. It’s also going to be hard on me. These last few weeks I’ve spent lots of time visiting with this neighbor and I’ve learned lots of things about her that I’d simply never known. She has really been through alot in her life and has come out smiling. She’s a good friend and I want to keep in touch for my own sake as well as for the boys. I hope the new neighbors will be as nice.

A Door in the Woods by James Dashner is the first in a series of four young adult books. I’ll be honest, if I didn’t know James personally I probably would not have finished this book. It is written in the first person and contains many of the problems that irritate me about works written in first person. However as the series progresses, James’ work improves dramatically. By the end I’d stopped mentally editing and just enjoyed the story. It is definitely juvenile wish-fulfillment fiction, so I am not the target audience. Kiki is the target audience and she loved the whole series without reservation. She loved them so much that she checked them out of her school library even though we already had copies from the public library. She didn’t want to have to share copies with me. Getting to meet the author was icing on the cake for her. If you have a child aged 9-14 who enjoys fantasy, this is a series I definitely recommend.

On the Devil’s Payroll by David Fuller is a courtroom mystery/drama. Again it is a first work and it suffers from some editing issues and quirks. The characters seem to spend a lot of time drinking coffee which as a non coffee drinker has me wondering whether people really drink that much coffee or if the main character is caffeine addicted. The minor editing issues did not prevent me from enjoying the story or the characters. David Fuller was the first self published author I ever knew and his courage to follow his dream gave me an entirely new look at self publishing. Watching David’s journey through self publishing is part of what helped me to consider self publishing Schlock Mercenary. Go check out his book and if you’re interested, buy it from him directly. You save money and he gets more for his efforts.

Elantris by Brandon Sanderson is a fantasy that blew me away. I cannot believe that this book is Brandon’s first novel. It fully deserves the publishing contract and accolades that it has recieved. I picked it up because Howard sat next to Brandon at a book signing. He seemed like a nice person and the book intrigued me, so I got a copy from my local library. It was worth the two month wait to get my hands on it. I’m afraid this book was so enthralling that my children were mildly neglected until I finished reading it. I’m seriously considering re-reading it before returning it to the library and I’ve added it to my books-I-want-to-own list. You should go buy this book so that Brandon can continue to write full time and make more wonderful books for me to read.

The following is a collection of thoughts on communication. I was trying to sort out some interactions that I’d seen between other people. I’m curious to see if my collected thoughts make sense to anyone else or if I have some faulty premises. All statements and opinions are subject to change upon reciept of further information.

Every communication that we make with another person has a text and a subtext. The text is comprised of the words that are spoken and is in the control of the speaker. The subtext is created by the listener who is affected by body language, tone of voice, and past interactions. Text is where information is passed. Subtext is where relationships are formed and broken.

An example text with possible subtexts:

“Why would you want to do that?”
(Because you always make stupid decisions) created by a son who’s mother has been critical in the past.
(I think what you are doing is stupid.) created by a wife who secretly wonders if she is making the right choice.
(Because I’m curious about you and I want to understand) created by a friend who trusts the speaker.

A relationship will thrive when the subtexts are positive. A relationship is doomed when all of the subtexts are negative. If there is a mix, then the relationship will fluxuate depending upon the balance of negative subtexts to positive.

One solution to a problem with negative subtexting is to get those subtexts out into the open, turn them into texts where they can actually be discussed. That takes a lot of bravery and trust.

Unfortunately I cannot always take the time to turn subtexts into texts. Sometimes the relationship isn’t worth the effort. I don’t care if a grocery store clerk snips because she created a subtext I didn’t intend. Other times I would very much like to turn subtexts into texts, but the other person will not cooperate and merely creates new negative subtexts based on the attempts. In those cases all I can do is try to control my behaviors and the subtexts I create in response to the other person’s texts. Eventually, hopefully, the positive reactions from me will encourage the other person to create more positive subtexts for the things I say.

I can choose what kind of subtexting I want to attach to the statements of other people. Benefit of the doubt is a good thing to give.

This morning Gleek fixed her own cinnamonsugar toast. She was very proud of this accomplishment and announced it in a loud voice. Patches instantly cried “I want toast! I want to fix my toast!” and ran for the bread cupboard. He retrieved a slice of bread and placed it on the counter. I slid a plate underneath and then observed with amusment as he created a sculpted landscape out of soft butter. He then placed a cinnamonsugar mountain in the middle of his landscape and announced “I did it!” He then ate his creation with relish.

I’m hoping that I can take a page from Patches book and create something that I’m pleased with, that I can consume with relish. Only I don’t want toast, I just want a really good day. Yesterday was not such a good day.

I know some people who are embarassed by almost anything. I don’t get embarassed very often. I think it is because the root of embarassment is caring what other people think about you. Self evaluation has always mattered to me more than societal evaluation. There are always exceptions of course. Today held a shining example of a truly embarassing moment. Howard and I had brokered a deal with the Young Men’s activity group in our ward that we’d make a donation to their budget if they would come and dig eight post holes in our front yard. Our baby grape plants need structure to support them. The teenage boys and their two adult leaders arrived on schedule. I remained in the front yard to help out and give directions. I’d already layed out the posts where I needed the holes. Gleek and Patches were “helping” as well, mostly by drinking up all the lemonade. That’s the backdrop to this alarming display performed by yours truly.

I stomped on a shovel with my right foot to drive it into the dirt. The shovel twisted under my foot throwing me off balance. I stepped to the side to regain my balance, but instead of the ground, my right foot encountered one of the posts. The post tipped under my foot and threw me further off balance. My weight had already shifted to the right foot, so in order to remain upright I had to twist and bring my left foot across, causing me to pivot. I was halfway through the pivot when I realized that Patches was right where I needed to step. By this time everyone else realized that I was in some kind of trouble and I had their full attention. I could not miss Patches. I tried, but center of balance was a long gone memory. I collided with Patches causing his begged for lemonade to spill all over him. I managed not to land on him by taking a couple of staggering steps and rolling. During this last maneuver my carefully bound hair came completely loose. I ended up flat on my back 15 feet away from where I’d had a little shovel bobble.

There was a very long moment where everyone in the yard wondered what on earth had happened and wondered if I was injured. I sat up, saw the stares, and did what any mortally embarassed person would do. I hid. In this case I hid by hyper focusing on Patches who was sitting on the lawn crying and dripping with the remains of his beloved lemonade. By paying attention to Patches I didn’t have to actually look at any of the folks who witnessed my bizarre acrobatics. Once Patches was settled with a fresh cup of lemonade I went into the house to regain my composure and to tame my wild hair.

I suppose I could have stayed in the house and made Howard go out to finish the supervision, but this was my project. I was the one who knew how things needed to be done. Besides the best way to erase and embarassing moment is to confront it directly in the presence of the witnesses. If I stayed in the house those teenage boys might have found humor in telling tales of what that wierd Mrs. Tayler did for no apparent reason. Instead I went out and made a story of it, describing it in much the same ways that I did above. At least this way if they tell the story, it will be my story and I can laugh with them about. But I don’t think they’ll bother to tell it now because instead of a bizarre event, it is now just one of those bobbles that happen to us all.

Anyway, I now have posts in the ground and once I get the cross pieces installed, my grapes will have a place to grow.

Today my kids all had money burning holes in their pockets. Barnes & Noble lured us in to the store with a summer reading program and we departed with four purchases. It concerns me a little that my kids all seemed to feel that it was constitutionally wrong to walk out of the store without spending money. It makes me very very glad that they’re all so willing to pool their money to make sure everyone got what they wanted. In all it was a good outing although I could have done with fewer toys in the bookstore and some lower prices.

I discovered the perils of inappropriate footwear when I went tubeing on the Portneuf river in Lava Idaho on July 3rd. My mom volunteered to watch Patches at my brother’s house. This allowed him to have a quiet crowd-free day with a nap and me to not have to watch a 3 year old while riding the river. Kiki was off at camp, so I just had Gleek and Link with me. I was wearing flip flops. Tennis shoes were what I needed to have worn, but even the flip flops were better than going barefoot which was the only other available option without a 40 minute drive.

The Portneuf river was running higher than usual this year since Idaho had more than it’s usual quota of snow last winter. We knew this going in, but none of the crowd expected the result. Apparently this particular ride is fairly leasurly with tubes floating lazily from catch point to catch point. This year all the catch points were underwater. The ride was fast rather than leisurely.

Gleek, Link, and I were together on a three person tube. Gleek in front of me, Link behind, with me in the middle dangling my legs to provide some control surfaces. At first we were all excited and cheered at each swoop over rocks. I realized very quickly that white water meant rocks close to the surface and if I wanted to keep my feet I needed to pull them up onto the tube. Several times I nearly lost my shoes and in between mini falls I spent a lot of time trying to turn the tube around so I could see where we were going. I kept watching for a place to stop so that we could regroup, but I couldn’t plant my feet firmly in those flip flops without losing them. Also the current was strong, it swept us along quickly. I was not frightened, but I had to pay attention every minute to steer us.

About halfway through the 10 minute ride, Link slid from his perch on top of the tube into the middle of the tube hole. This meant that half his body was dangling under the water. A mini fall was coming and I knew those rocks would scrape him unless he could get back on top of the tube. Unfortunately he was behind me and we were moving fast and I could not stop. He got dragged over that fall. I got him back on top of the tube. I could see that it was a minor scrape on one knee, but it was bleeding. Blood always makes my kids panic. Link spent the rest of the ride terrified and crying for a bandaid. Gleek saw the blood and was scared too. I was unable to allay their fears because I couldn’t stop and all of my attention had to be spent steering. We finally reached the exit point. Fortunately some of our crowd was there to help tubes exit the river. We all got out. Link’s knee was bleeding and I discovered some bleeding scrapes on my feet that I’d been too busy to notice earlier. Link and Gleek both vowed they’d never ride a river again. I vowed that the next time I ride a river I’d be wearing tennis shoes. If I’d been wearing proper shoes I might have been able to stop for a moment.

Much of the rest of the group had also had something of a rough ride. One inflatable boat arrived half sunk because a hole had been torn in the bottom. We all discussed the matter and decided that we needed a different section of river. Fortunately several miles down river provided us with a place where the river was wide and shallow without rockfalls. Once we got there Link and Gleek played in the water for awhile. They were reassured enough that they consented to ride with me for a section of this river. That was a pleasant and relaxing ride. Link liked it enough that he wanted to do it several times. Gleek decided that playing with sticks in the shallows was more entertaining.

A group of older kids and adults, did decide to go back and ride the rough section again. Part of me wishes that I’d gone with them. The fast water and short falls were fun. It was the frightened children and improper footwear I’d cheerfully do without. In the end it was a good day. At least for me. Gleek and Link have very vivid memories of that first tube ride. I’m afraid those aren’t so good. But at least they have a story to tell, right?

Patches is so much improved this morning that I’m going to revert to thinking he had strep throat and be grateful that we live in a world with antibiotics.

Thanks to everyone who offered sympathy and sore throat recipes. Unfortunately Patches is only 3 so we couldn’t really apply any of them, especially those calling for swishing or spitting. But I’ll be using them the next time I or any of my older kids gets a sore throat. Which hopefully won’t be this week.