Tomorrow morning we will be starting medication for Link. The undiagnosed ADD that we’ve suspected for years has finally been officially diagnosed. For the next few months we’ll be trying various medications to find if any are helpful to him. They may not be, or they may have detrimental side effects, but we’ve come to the decision that the experiment is merited. This has been a long hard road and we are nowhere near the end of it, but medicating is a very significant step which deserves to be chronicled.
I have always felt very opposed to medicating Link. He is a bright, sweet boy with both strengths and weaknesses, but I never felt that there was anything wrong with him. I felt that medicating him would be the cheating way for me or his teacher to get out of the extra work necessary for behavioral modification techniques. I was ready to change his diet and exercise patterns or find other “natural” ways to help him deal with his challenges. I believe that American children are vastly over-medicated and I didn’t want to be part of that. I felt all of that and more until one week ago today.
One week ago today I had an IEP (Individual Education Plan) meeting with Link’s teacher, the school psychologist, the principal, and the resource teacher. They very kindly and gently suggested that I have Link tested for ADD. They also gently advocated in favor of medication if it seems called for. They did not pressure me or try to insist, they just gave me a pile of new information to consider. Part of the information they gave me were the results from several test they did on Link. Those results showed me exactly where Link’s strengths and weaknesses are. The psychologist told me that Link’s pattern of strengths and weaknesses is classic for an ADD child. They also told me that where Link is strong, he is brilliant. Where he is weak he struggles to comprehend things that his classmates understand intuitively.
I came home from that meeting with my brain buzzing. I talked it over with Howard. For the first time we considered the possibility that rather than turning Link into a compliant zombie, medication might instead remove shackles from his legs and allow him to fly.
The thing that really changed my mind and opened me to the idea of trying medication, was the results from an emotional/psychological profile. Those results were created from a survey I filled out where I recorded things I observed about Link’s emotional states. His teacher also filled out the survey. This test showed that Link is not only at risk for things like anxiety, depression, somatization (physical symptoms caused by emotional states,) withdrawal, and social atypicality, he’s already experiencing these things. I don’t think there is anything wrong with Link. Howard doesn’t think there is anything wrong with Link. But our opinions aren’t the ones that truly matter. Link knows that there is something different about him. He sees the differences from his peers and is sure that it means that he is broken or stupid. He knows and feels this, but has no clue how to make things different, so he withdraws and avoids.
Eventually an adult Link might come to the conclusion that there isn’t anything wrong with his brain. That adult Link might become comfortable in his strengths and weaknesses. He’ll have coping mechanisms to manage both. But before he can arrive at that mature view of his capabilities he has to walk the long hard road of puberty. If he continues to avoid and withdraw to the point that he seeks solace in self medication via street drugs or alcohol, he may never arrive at that mature assessment. Link’s weaknesses will interfere with the process of him coming to terms with his weaknesses.
I’ve done lots of talking to people who have first hand experience with ADD this past week. I’ve talked with adults who are managing their ADD. I’ve talked to parents about their experiences with an ADD child. I’ve talked to our doctor, who also happens to be a parent of an ADD child. I’ve talked to the school psychologist, who is another ADD parent. I’ve talked to Link’s teacher. Some information I’ve gleaned:
Most ADD people end up self medicating somehow. It may be caffeine or alcohol or street drugs or pornography or eating, but they administer something to themselves to assist them to focus. Correctly managed self medication can be a good thing. Unconscious self medication can lead to all kinds of dark places.
An adult ADD friend says he doesn’t feel any different when he is taking medication than he does on the days he skips medication. However on medicated days he ends the day with tasks completed and a sense of accomplishment. On unmedicated days he ends the day with many piles of partially complete projects. As an adult he can look at that difference and attributed it to medication or lack thereof. Right now Link has no comparison. He has an endless stream of days filled with failure to complete important tasks. This has to hurt his self image.
Medication can be complimentary to behavioral modification. There will still be times when Link doesn’t have medicine in his system. I can use those times to teach him the coping mechanisms that he will need for life.
ADD medications are fast acting and clear out of the system quickly. This means that I can decide on a daily basis whether to medicate or not. My adult ADD friend does exactly that. On the days he needs focus, he medicates. On the days he needs to multitask he deliberately does not medicate. If I decide to stop the medication, it will be out of Link’s system completely within 12 hours.
The most important conversation I had about ADD was with Link. I talked to him and explained that ADD was a label for how his brain works and that it means he gets distracted easily. He indicated awareness of this tendency. I explained that there was a medicine which might help him to focus and not get distracted as easily. I asked if he would be interested in trying this medicine. He looked at me with wide-eyed hope and answered with an emphatic “yes!”
After all this thinking and talking and research I have realized a very important thing. The only thing that we stand to lose by trying medication is the moral high ground of being able to say “I’ve never medicated my child.” In other words, the only thing I have to lose is my pride. I’ll swallow that whole if it will give Link the chance to grow up healthy, strong, and confident in his own capabilities.