Downtime
For a mother of four downtime is elusive. There are days where I desperately want to have just 20 minutes to myself. I check to make sure that all the kids are occupied and then I sit down to eat while reading a book or to write a blog entry. If I get to finish my meal or my entry, I walk away feeling calmer and ready to be a nice mom again. But almost invariably one of the kids needs something or gets hurt or picks a fight. Then I have to interrupt my relaxation time to be a mom. If my little bit of downtime is interrupted it doesn’t count. I have to start over to resettle into my “I am relaxing” mindset. Today is my third day in a row of too little sleep. This means my need for downtime has been greater than usual. It is worse in the afternoon and evening because those are my low ebbs of energy. Unfortunately evening is a very high maintenance time of day.
Part of me wants to lock myself into my office, turn music on loud and tune out all the noises. Unfortunately that would mean the kids would be unsupervised. They’d probably fight over something. Then there would be hitting and yelling. Or someone would need something and come pounding on my door. Or they’d just sit where they are and holler for me to come to them to solve all their problems.
On one level I understand that all of these things are simply because they are children. They are by definition immature. It is my job to be mature. I have to model good behavior and pass judgment and mete out punishment or rewards. I just get so tired. I need to go to bed tonight just about as soon as my kids do. Then I get to get up and do it all again tomorrow.
Oh and while I’m griping about things, today was cold and gray all day long. There wasn’t enough sunshine.
At least lunchtime was really nice. Howard and I spent an hour together in the kitchen talking and making plans for this coming year. I liked that part of today. And I got stuff done. Not all of it, but enough.