Craving Sunshine

I’ve been feeling stir crazy all day today. I’ve been cooped up in the house with four kids all day long. I kept mulling over plans that would get me out of the house, but then I’d glance at the thermometer which read no higher than 15 degrees all day long. That isn’t just cold, that’s cold which MEANS it. (Yes I know many places in this world get much colder, but I’ve never lived in them.) Temperatures tonight are supposed to be -3. Brrr.

I probably should have gotten outside for a walk anyway. It would have been good for me. I can’t say exactly why I didn’t. Why do we do that? Let small things, like cold, keep us from doing things which will be good for us and which we would enjoy doing? Once I get moving I love going for walks outside. I particularly enjoy it if I can go by myself and thus not have to stop every fourth step to examine rocks, sticks, or pavement. Last year I walked to and from Link’s school pretty much every weekday. This year I’ve only done that a handful of times. I miss the walking. And yet somehow rather than just going out for a walk, I find myself waiting for a warmer day, or a less tired day, or after I eat something. Thus do windows of opportunity slide silently into the past.

I changed my desktop background. It now features a photo I took of pansies glowing in strong summer sunlight. It isn’t a great photo, but it has flowers in it and more importantly it has that sunlight glowing across the whole screen. I have other pictures of summer flowers and I find myself browsing them lately. It is as if I’m trying to fool my brain into believing that summer is here, or at least near. It works for a moment while I’m staring at the pictures. They make me glad. But I can only stare at flower pictures for so long before I get bored. Then I click away to some other spot on my computer. At least the bulbs which I planted in pots are beginning to sprout flowers. I may have blooms by next week.

My house faces south. On sunny days I get sunlight streaming in my front windows. I find myself sitting in the front room in the late afternoon. I’ll find reasons to be there from about 3:30 until about 5 when the sunlight gets weak. I don’t plan to do that, but I end up there anyway. It’s like I’m instinctively trying to store up light because I know the night will be long and dark. Not only is the night long and dark, but the next day may or may not feature sunshine. Utah winters tend to have lots of gray cloud cover. But despite my need for sunlight and flowers I find myself optimistic and cheerful. This year winter does not loom inside my head the way it has done in years gone by. I think all that writing and mental sorting I did last January really helped.

It also helps that I’m filling the winter months with small events to look forward to. Tomorrow I get to have some local friends over for Sunday dinner. Wednesday I get to host a church luncheon. Friday I get to have a long-known-but-little-seen friend over for lunch. Then I hope to escape town altogether on the weekend of the 27th. I really want to have hours to just chat with my sister-in-law. I’ve been saving up things to talk to her about. Phone calls aren’t the same. And I’m really looking forward to seeing submissions from artists for my children’s book, most of those will be coming in this week.

Small happy things are important during winter.