I intended to post yesterday. I even had a space of time allotted to sitting at the computer composing an entry. Scheduling the time is critical to any task I want to get done because I’m scheduled down to the minute for most of this week. But then Link wanted to do a whittling project with the pocket knife he got for Christmas. This required my help in finding the knife. The Christmas knife is still awol, but I did find a different knife he could use. Then we reviewed the cub scout rules for safe knife usage. I turned him loose on a bar of soap. All was well for 20 minutes. Then he cut himself. Who would have known so much trauma would come to pass from such a small injury. As we treated the small nick, Link lamented the existence of the whittling section of the cub scout book, and the existence of whittling, and the existence of knives. Later in the evening he tried to tell me he couldn’t read a book like I’d asked, because he might get a paper cut. A mixture of sympathy and firmness got us through.
Then Kiki had a major (for her) emotional event which required my full attention for 90 minutes and Howard’s full attention for 20 minutes. This time what got us through was faith, prayer, and scriptures.
In both cases the cause of the emotional upset seemed so small to me. Too small to be worth all the uproar. But to Link and Kiki, their various emotions were very real and very huge. If I laugh at the emotions or dismiss them, then my children will stop sharing with me. So I sit for 10 minutes helping Link think through why the risk of getting a paper cut might be worth it to be able to enjoy reading. And I sit for an hour carefully helping Kiki along a path to where she has found her own solution; the same solution I could have handed her within 5 minutes. But if I handed her the solution, she would likely reject it and declare that I just don’t understand.
At the end of it all I had all of the kids in bed and a sense that I’d done parenting really right. For once, I lived up to my own expectations. I was glad, and totally drained of anything resembling energy. So, no entry yesterday because I did something more important instead.
That is important–the most important thing you can be doing. Far more important than writing a blog. Though, the blog is for your enjoyment, and that’s important, too.
I remember from my child development class the teacher stressing the importance of validation. Like you said, if you hadn’t validated your childrens’ feelings and instead just brushed them off as silly, you would have lost a bit of their trust and possibly shut off future communication. It probably wouldn’t have had a huge effect right away, but it’s the sum of the whole–your general attitude will determine the relationship you have with your kids. And it sounds like you did it just right. It’s great that you feel like you lived up to your own expectations. I know those are often the worst–at least, my expectations for myself often seem to be higher then others. So, congrats! 🙂
That is important–the most important thing you can be doing. Far more important than writing a blog. Though, the blog is for your enjoyment, and that’s important, too.
I remember from my child development class the teacher stressing the importance of validation. Like you said, if you hadn’t validated your childrens’ feelings and instead just brushed them off as silly, you would have lost a bit of their trust and possibly shut off future communication. It probably wouldn’t have had a huge effect right away, but it’s the sum of the whole–your general attitude will determine the relationship you have with your kids. And it sounds like you did it just right. It’s great that you feel like you lived up to your own expectations. I know those are often the worst–at least, my expectations for myself often seem to be higher then others. So, congrats! 🙂
*sigh*
So much with the awe of you and your family…
*sigh*
So much with the awe of you and your family…
Is it bad that my reaction to this is that I am *so glad* I’m not a mom?
Is it bad that my reaction to this is that I am *so glad* I’m not a mom?
Not yet–but you will be! 😉
Not yet–but you will be! 😉
No, that’s not a bad reaction at all. You’re emotionally healthy for what is possibly the first time in your life. Dealing with this kind of kid stuff really disrupts the emotional center of balance and right now that isn’t something you want to be dealing with. You are understandably reluctant to be responsible for anyone else’s emotional health.
What this means is that if/when you do have kids, you’ll know what you’re signing up for. Most people do not realize that when they choose to have a baby they are also choosing to deal with tempertantrums, cut fingers, and pre-pubescent emotional crises. They aren’t prepared and then deal badly with the crisis for which they were not prepared.
No, that’s not a bad reaction at all. You’re emotionally healthy for what is possibly the first time in your life. Dealing with this kind of kid stuff really disrupts the emotional center of balance and right now that isn’t something you want to be dealing with. You are understandably reluctant to be responsible for anyone else’s emotional health.
What this means is that if/when you do have kids, you’ll know what you’re signing up for. Most people do not realize that when they choose to have a baby they are also choosing to deal with tempertantrums, cut fingers, and pre-pubescent emotional crises. They aren’t prepared and then deal badly with the crisis for which they were not prepared.
*cue evil laughter*
*cue evil laughter*
Yeah, I’m pretty aware. Don’t I deal with enough people’s emotional trauma? I think I’ve burned myself all out before even having kids.
Yeah, I’m pretty aware. Don’t I deal with enough people’s emotional trauma? I think I’ve burned myself all out before even having kids.
One of the nice things about kids’ traumas is that they are usually so small. Sometimes the hardest part is not laughing out loud at what they are crying over.