Howard is currently on the Atkins diet because he’s determined to lose weight. I’m not joining him in full-on Atkins, but I’m reducing refined sugars and simple carbohydrates. I’m doing it in part to keep Howard company, but even more because I’m tired of the 10 extra pounds I’ve put on since Patches was born. Dieting together is not something Howard and I have ever done before. It has been kind of fun to talk food and try out some of the low carb options that are available these days.
One of the things that Howard occasionally eats are the low-carb Atkins shakes. This morning he offered me a taste. I brought the open can near my face and then the smell hit me. It is amazing how powerful a trigger smell can be. I instantly handed the can back and tried to quell the flood of unleashed emotion. Eight years ago this month I was in the midst of radiation therapy for a (thankfully benign) tumor under my chin. The radiation made my throat sore. Not just sore, but actively painful whenever I swallowed. Imagine a really bad sunburn on the inside of your throat. Eating was a painful chore and so we used protein shakes to attempt to get enough calories into me to keep me alive. I now loathe protein shakes. I will probably always loathe protein shakes. The smell of that Atkins shake went straight to the back of my brain and unearthed a swell of depression and hopelessness and exhaustion. I had to fight back both nausea and tears.
Fortunately mornings are busy and I was able to dive into the tasks and reassert normality. But when I threw something into the trash and saw the can in there I loathed the can with a vehemence which surprised me. The cans in the box on the shelf weren’t as bad, but I didn’t like them either. Prior to smelling one, the cans had no more emotional content for me than the jars of spices they stand next to. I need to get over being angry at cans because it is silly and because Howard finds the drinks useful. But I’m not going to smell one again.
Smell triggers are sneaky and powerful. The smell of a clean baby makes me feel happy and glowy like I did when I snuggled my own children as babies. The smell of pine candles feels Christmasy. There are myriad other smells which trigger emotions both happy and sad. Some smells even trigger specific memories or images. Sometimes the smell triggers one emotion, but the context makes us feel differently. If a person who desperately wanted another baby smelled clean baby, the smell would trigger happy emotions, but then remind the person she can’t have that. She would end up depressed or crying because of a happy smell. If the smell trigger is out of place, like pine scented candle outdoors in summer, it creates a dissonance that I have to pay attention to in order to resolve. I think this might be one reason that the protein shake smell had such a strong effect on me. I was standing right there in the kitchen where I used to be when I drank protein shakes. The location was right as well as the smell.
I know that it is possible to defuse smell triggers. Another smell associated with the actual therapy itself was the sharp smell of ozone. I discovered that some brands of plastic wrap have this same smell. For a long time, a whiff of that smell would make me nauseous. But I’ve had enough contact with plastic wrap since then that the smell no longer affects me. Perhaps I should try to defuse the smell of protein drinks. On the other hand, I couldn’t avoid plastic wrap easily. Protein drinks are much more rare and expensive. Avoiding protein drinks is easier and less expensive than defusing the smell. The other, other hand (not the gripping hand, because it isn’t stronger) is that I hate having that smell as an emotional landmine ready to ambush me. More thought is required.
I know that smell happen to be one of the strongest memory triggers, but how hard is it to defuse it. Is it something that you could do over time by reassociating it with a differnt experience? By example taking a sniff of Protien drink each time Mr. Tayler has one and then doing something nice together? If this is a viable way of defusing the trigger it costs nothing except time and emotional investment becasue the protien drinks were going to be consumed anyways.
I know that smell happen to be one of the strongest memory triggers, but how hard is it to defuse it. Is it something that you could do over time by reassociating it with a differnt experience? By example taking a sniff of Protien drink each time Mr. Tayler has one and then doing something nice together? If this is a viable way of defusing the trigger it costs nothing except time and emotional investment becasue the protien drinks were going to be consumed anyways.
One of my smell triggers is a nice one: Earl grey tea with lemon. When we were little kids, (about 35 years ago) the Parent habitually drank this at teatime. Now, even 30+ years later, the first whiff of a cup of EG with L instantly transports me back to childhood teatime.
so they’re not all bad. And I’m glad you’re making progress with the winter blues; at least the days are getting longer again – it was light enough here at 6pm to walk across the yard without falling over stuff; a few weeks ago it was balck by then. It was also nice and light this morning when I woke up, but that was ‘cos of the snow.
One of my smell triggers is a nice one: Earl grey tea with lemon. When we were little kids, (about 35 years ago) the Parent habitually drank this at teatime. Now, even 30+ years later, the first whiff of a cup of EG with L instantly transports me back to childhood teatime.
so they’re not all bad. And I’m glad you’re making progress with the winter blues; at least the days are getting longer again – it was light enough here at 6pm to walk across the yard without falling over stuff; a few weeks ago it was balck by then. It was also nice and light this morning when I woke up, but that was ‘cos of the snow.
I have one of those triggers with my grandmother’s perfume: Chantilly. Not a nice trigger, but not that many people wear it. She sent me a bottle of it after we’d cut off contact with them, but before she died. *shivers* I threw the thing away.
Also, something my grandfather wore. Aftershave, maybe? Deodorant? I had a bishop who was wearing it, whatever it was, and he gave me a hug once…not a pleasant experience.
Fortunately, like protein drinks, these are not things I run into often at all. So they’re probably not worth trying to reprogram.
I have one of those triggers with my grandmother’s perfume: Chantilly. Not a nice trigger, but not that many people wear it. She sent me a bottle of it after we’d cut off contact with them, but before she died. *shivers* I threw the thing away.
Also, something my grandfather wore. Aftershave, maybe? Deodorant? I had a bishop who was wearing it, whatever it was, and he gave me a hug once…not a pleasant experience.
Fortunately, like protein drinks, these are not things I run into often at all. So they’re probably not worth trying to reprogram.
What is it about grandmothers and Chantilly? My grandma gave me bottles of the stuff on several different occasions. I got rid of it all long ago.
What is it about grandmothers and Chantilly? My grandma gave me bottles of the stuff on several different occasions. I got rid of it all long ago.
I don’t know! It doesn’t even smell that good.
Then again, with my association, I guess I’m not in a place to say if it smells good or not.
I don’t know! It doesn’t even smell that good.
Then again, with my association, I guess I’m not in a place to say if it smells good or not.