Day: February 14, 2007

Valentine’s Day has never been my favorite holiday. It may have once held meaning, but these days all it contains is rampant commercialism. Besides, pink has never been my favorite color, particularly when it is paired with red. While I’m not a big fan of Valentine’s day, I am a big fan of showing love and appreciation for those around us. I just don’t think that a purchase of candy or flowers or cheesy cartoon cards is adequate to the task of expressing affection. Love and appreciation are best when they’re used regularly. I’ve decided to celebrate love by examining the different ways that the people in my family show their love to each other.

Of all my kids, Kiki is the one who is most aware of the tightened finances. She responded to this by volunteering to work in the lunchroom at school. She enjoys working there, but even more, she knows that being a lunchroom worker means that she gets a free lunch. For her this is a small, measurable way that she can contribute to the family finances. No one asked her to do this. She figured it out on her own. I only learned about it from a casual comment she once made during a conversation on a very different topic. Kiki also loves to give gifts and make people happy. She was in the store with me a couple of days ago and begged for me to buy balloons for Gleek and Patches because they were sick and she wanted them to be happy. Kiki draws pictures and gives them away. When the time comes for her to sort through her stuff and get rid of some of it, she is happiest when she can give the things to someone. Usually Gleek is the recipient of the stuff, which doesn’t get it out of my house, but makes both girls happy.

Link shows love by snuggling. Many nine year old boys no longer want to hug their mothers, but Link loves it. He loves it to the point that I sometimes have trouble detaching him in order to make him go to bed or get dressed. Link frequently reads bedtime stories to Patches. They both really enjoy that. Whenever Link gets a treat at cubscouts he asks to have three extras so that he can bring them home for his siblings. He loves being able to share.

Gleek shows love by playing with people. She and Patches will play together happily for hours. When they inevitably fight over something, Gleek will at first be gleeful in her triumph. Then she will be concerned that Patches is sad. She almost always gives him exactly what they were fighting over then clowns around by falling down until Patches is laughing instead of crying. She frequently cheers Patches up by bringing him her stuffed animals and making them do tricks. Gleek is very respectful of Kiki’s property and defends it against the depredations of friends.

Patches tries to please people by following rules. We’re still struggling with potty training because he doesn’t yet have sufficient body awareness, but he always tries very hard. When he suceeds, he needs as many potty prizes as there are children in the house so that he can hand out prizes to everyone. Patches shows love to his daddy by snuggling and teasing. In fact Patches is very good at hugs and frequently says “I love you.”

Howard shows love by feeding people. He enjoys cooking and every time he does, he wants to share what he has made. Howard brings home food for me and for the kids. He cooks eggs on demand for the kids. Howard shows love to me by rearranging his schedule to make my life easier. He checks on the kids every night before going to sleep. He snuggles and tickles and teases them daily.

I think that my primary way of showing love is “tasks done.” I’ll fold laundry for kids so that they don’t have to. I’ll quietly put away papers or toys so that they don’t get destroyed. I make beds and pick up shoes and fix meals and do dishes and grocery shop and acquire clothes. I also read stories and give snuggles and say I love you.

All of us do all of these things regularly. Love flourishes best when it is fed daily.