More Bedtime Conversation

Tonight I again took time to listen to Gleek at bedtime. She told me that she wanted to talk about “mad and school and stuff” so that she could have good dreams. I was so glad that she recognized that the talking helped her yesterday. We then had another rambling conversation. Mostly it concerned her mishmash of feelings for Bestfriend. I was surprised at the clarity of detail that Gleek could give to incidents which happened over two years ago. Apparently she’d never dealt with some of the emotions caused by those events and was just now trying to come to terms with them. She is getting in touch with her feelings instead of repressing them or running away from them and that is marvelous.

We talked about how everyone feels mad and that there is nothing bad about feeling mad. The problem comes in when we hold on to the anger. I explained that that was called a grudge. Gleek’s eyes widened with realization and she said “I’ve been having bad dreams because I’ve been holding on to my mads!” I believe she is right. I can’t believe how brilliant she is to arrive at that conclusion on her own. All the unresolved conflicts and emotions of the day come back to haunt her at night. Now she plans to let all the mads go out into space where they won’t trouble her anymore.

I listened to her talking and making connections and working through feelings. It was amazing. As I listened I came to a realization of my own. Gleek has turned one of those developmental corners which suddenly opens whole new worlds of thought. Her brain has gotten suddenly bigger and it is going to take her awhile to sort it all out. Until she does, I suspect that we’ll be having many more long bedtime conversations. I can see how much happier and relaxed she is after all the talking.

I watch her talk and her face is alive with character. Her thoughts outrace her words and so one topic segues into the next with hardly a pause for breath. I study her face, it is so small and beautiful. I could dance with joy that she is finally capable of talking through all these complex emotions that have driven her behaviors for years. Sometimes it was hard for me to believe it would come, but here we are. I cry for the joy of it.