I left for the photo shoot yesterday with feelings of trepidation. I was nervous for reasons I couldn’t quite identify. It was only after I picked up Janci (raisinfish) and began the hour-long drive that I figured out why. The last time I did a big photo shoot with changes of clothing it was at a glamor shots studio. In that case, there were hours of hair and make-up preparation, followed by a long photo shoot. During the whole process both Howard and the photographer were enthusiastic. I had fun until the moment came to view the pictures. They were aesthetically beautiful and totally wrong. I am not a glamorous person. I am not a formal person.
Logically I knew this photo shoot would be different. I was fortunate enough to find Kristyan, a photographer who shares many of my views on life. I was even more fortunate that she was willing to barter a portrait session for some advertising. I would do my own make up and clothes. We used books and flowers as props.
I knew it would be different, but I still felt cautious as Kristyan took pictures and showed them to Janci. They kept looking at the previews and saying they were turning out well. I couldn’t see the previews since I had to hold still. The whole photo shoot was fun and creative. We all got input into how the pictures should go. I enjoyed it and was relaxed and happy during the shoot. It was hard to be anything else with two fun people to talk to. But as we sat down to view all the pictures, I was again afraid. I worried that I would not like any of them. I worried that I wouldn’t be able to like any picture that had me as the focal point.
My fears were needless. The pictures were beautiful and they were right. There were several hundred pictures. Some were goofy, some had closed eyes or props in weird places, some had the wrong lighting, but the rest were beautiful. Kristyan captured me as I want to be. I walked away with 30 pictures that I have permission to used however I wish as long as I give photo credit to Kristyan Williams Photography. I feel extremely fortunate because that level of print release usually costs lots of money.
By the time I got home, I was doubting again. Surely it was not possible that I’d like photos of me. I must have been mistaken. I looked at the photos again. They were still beautiful and right. I did the same thing again this morning. Apparently adjusting my attitude toward photgraphs of me is going to take some time. Fortunately I have 30 beautiful pictures to help with the process.
I really wish I had photography-oriented people in my life to balance me being behind the camera so much. I like taking pictures of people and I think I have a talent for it, but when I hand my camera to friends to get shots of me, they tend to come from the wrong angle, have bad lighting, waaaay backed out in the zoom, all those things that make you end up with pictures that aren’t very flattering. Seeing as how I could use all the help I can get in the pictures-of-me department, it often leads to frustration, especially in the years since I’ve gained so much weight–you know how that can be, looking in a picture and not seeing yourself for whatever physical flaw you see instead? Totally not the fault of the friend taking the photograph, just the kinds of things that happen when you’re not in front of a professional who you trust, you know?
So I know what you mean about the doubting. It’s so hit-and-miss in getting pictures of yourself because you’re not the one controlling the camera. 🙂
I really wish I had photography-oriented people in my life to balance me being behind the camera so much. I like taking pictures of people and I think I have a talent for it, but when I hand my camera to friends to get shots of me, they tend to come from the wrong angle, have bad lighting, waaaay backed out in the zoom, all those things that make you end up with pictures that aren’t very flattering. Seeing as how I could use all the help I can get in the pictures-of-me department, it often leads to frustration, especially in the years since I’ve gained so much weight–you know how that can be, looking in a picture and not seeing yourself for whatever physical flaw you see instead? Totally not the fault of the friend taking the photograph, just the kinds of things that happen when you’re not in front of a professional who you trust, you know?
So I know what you mean about the doubting. It’s so hit-and-miss in getting pictures of yourself because you’re not the one controlling the camera. 🙂