When Kiki was four years old parenting was still new. I was constantly amazed at her intelligence. I spent hours nurturing that intelligence by playing alphabet games and putting together puzzles. I made sure that she was in an academic preschool which focused on learning to read.
When Link was four years old he was developmentally delayed. I played hours of alphabet games with him trying to help him catch up to his peers. I created special learning boxes full of developmental games to help teach concepts such as colors and story sequence. I had photo flash cards to teach him the names of family members because he wasn’t just picking them up on his own. I made sure he was in a preschool which had a large playground so that he had space to play in between the harder learning times.
When Gleek was four years old Howard had just left Novell. Money was extremely tight. I could not afford to put Gleek into preschool, so I banded together with some other mothers and we created one. Every sixth week preschool was at my house and I spent hours preparing lessons and activities. I watched Gleek carefully to see how she was reacting to the group experience. I intervened a lot to make sure that she stayed under control. I talked a lot with the other moms to help them know how to handle her.
Now Patches is four years old and my life is very different. I am very different. For the other three kids my whole focus was on parenting, now I am working. Granted, I am working from home, but there is still necessary business work which has to be done. Patches is ready to learn letters. He is ready for alphabet games. But I am not ready. I’ve played all the alphabet games. They bore me. I know I need to do it for Patches, but no sooner do I sit down to play with him, and part of my brain starts running through all the other tasks which I need to get done. Patches doesn’t get my full attention the way the other kids did at this age. I worry about that. I wonder if that is why he sometimes gets so whiny and insistent. Maybe he has to be whiny and insistent because it is the only way to make sure that mommy pays attention. Negative attention is better than half-attention or no-attention.
This coming fall Patches will be the right age for preschool. I am undecided about what to do. Part of me thinks that I should just teach him myself. That I should schedule a little school time into each day. That would give him the full attention for awhile. But it wouldn’t give him social interaction with peers. And will I really do it? When it is just me and him, it is so easy for me to get distracted and work instead of giving Patches his time. All too often the quiet mornings with the other three in school are spent with Howard in his office, me in mine, and Patches left to play by himself. Lots of days he doesn’t mind, but other times he wanders into my office every five minutes because he’s bored. Then he gets growled at because he breaks my train of thought.
Another option would be to put him into a preschool program. But money is still tight and a good preschool isn’t cheap. Also I’m not eager to add more pick-ups and drop-offs to my fall schedule which currently looks blissfully clear. On the other hand it would be good for him to relate to a teacher who isn’t me and I might be nicer to him if I have a scheduled break. Theoretically I could get all the work done while he is gone and give him my full attention when he gets home. But will I do that? Or will I just bring him home and disappear back into my office?
Life for Patches growing up is always going to be different than for the other kids. He is always going to have a mom who is experienced parenting whatever stage of life he as at. By the time Patches gets there, it is all old news to me. I have to remember that it isn’t old news to him. He is excited about learning letters. He really wants to be able to learn to write. For him these things are new and wonderful. I need to slow down to preschool speed for him. I need to give him more of me.
When I was preschool age, my parents put me into a high-schol run preschool program – high school students, plus a few teachers, ran preschool activities, while at the same time, students observed us little kidlets and made developmental observations. It was much cheaper than “regular” preschools and mine, at least, turned out to be a very positive thing. I have no idea what the programs are called, or how to look for them, but I thought I’d let you know about it, since it might help you.
Also, I just wanted to thank you for keeping this journal. I’m still in college, and haven’t really considered things like having a family. Your blog posts emphasize how much responsibility goes into being a parent, and the sort of decisions that go along with it.
When I was preschool age, my parents put me into a high-schol run preschool program – high school students, plus a few teachers, ran preschool activities, while at the same time, students observed us little kidlets and made developmental observations. It was much cheaper than “regular” preschools and mine, at least, turned out to be a very positive thing. I have no idea what the programs are called, or how to look for them, but I thought I’d let you know about it, since it might help you.
Also, I just wanted to thank you for keeping this journal. I’m still in college, and haven’t really considered things like having a family. Your blog posts emphasize how much responsibility goes into being a parent, and the sort of decisions that go along with it.
I don’t think there is a good parent anywhere that hasn’t agonized over these decisions. Talon starts kindergarten this fall. I’ve just taught him here at home so far. He’s been able to read basic words since he was three. I have flipped and flopped over charter schools and public schools and home schooling, etc. I keep telling myself not to worry so much. Kindergarten is kindergarten. Yes, a good start is essential, but for all they will remember, it’s mostly for the social aspects and learning how to learn, follow instructions and follow through. If preschool was a life or death decision, you can bet the government would start trying to make it for us. Younger children in families seem to have a disadvantage in Mom being burned out, but they also have the advantage of older siblings to watch and interact with and learn from. If you don’t have time every day, get one of the older ones to do some lessons or play educational games with Patches. My older siblings did it with me and I did it with my youngers. It takes a village… sometimes that village is right in your house.
I don’t think there is a good parent anywhere that hasn’t agonized over these decisions. Talon starts kindergarten this fall. I’ve just taught him here at home so far. He’s been able to read basic words since he was three. I have flipped and flopped over charter schools and public schools and home schooling, etc. I keep telling myself not to worry so much. Kindergarten is kindergarten. Yes, a good start is essential, but for all they will remember, it’s mostly for the social aspects and learning how to learn, follow instructions and follow through. If preschool was a life or death decision, you can bet the government would start trying to make it for us. Younger children in families seem to have a disadvantage in Mom being burned out, but they also have the advantage of older siblings to watch and interact with and learn from. If you don’t have time every day, get one of the older ones to do some lessons or play educational games with Patches. My older siblings did it with me and I did it with my youngers. It takes a village… sometimes that village is right in your house.
Our local high school runs an excellent preschool program. Unfortunately it is so excellent that if I wanted to get Patches into it, I should have put him on the waiting list about 2 years ago. Good quality and low cost creates huge demand.
You’re welcome. I hope that my blog posts also emphasize how rewarding it is to raise kids. Parenting isn’t for everyone, but it has certainly filled my life with many good things.
Our local high school runs an excellent preschool program. Unfortunately it is so excellent that if I wanted to get Patches into it, I should have put him on the waiting list about 2 years ago. Good quality and low cost creates huge demand.
You’re welcome. I hope that my blog posts also emphasize how rewarding it is to raise kids. Parenting isn’t for everyone, but it has certainly filled my life with many good things.
Of course, on the flip side, being the fourth child, Patches also gets the benefit that comes from experienced parenting. If you’re experienced, it may be like old news for you, but for him it also means that you’re not having to experiment as much with parenting methods. Which means in some ways you will probably be a better parent to him than you were to Kiki at the same age, because she was first, and you didn’t know what you were doing yet. Then, as you’ve said, in other ways, you were probably a more focused parent then. So it’s give and take. I think it’ll balance out in the end.
Of course, on the flip side, being the fourth child, Patches also gets the benefit that comes from experienced parenting. If you’re experienced, it may be like old news for you, but for him it also means that you’re not having to experiment as much with parenting methods. Which means in some ways you will probably be a better parent to him than you were to Kiki at the same age, because she was first, and you didn’t know what you were doing yet. Then, as you’ve said, in other ways, you were probably a more focused parent then. So it’s give and take. I think it’ll balance out in the end.
Which High School? I need to start looking for places for my little Pan.
Which High School? I need to start looking for places for my little Pan.
Mountain View
Mountain View
BYU also has (had?) a preschool program run by the dept. of Education. Probably also one with a waiting list, but if you put his name on the list it’s possible you’ll get the call.
BYU also has (had?) a preschool program run by the dept. of Education. Probably also one with a waiting list, but if you put his name on the list it’s possible you’ll get the call.