Anxiety and Recovery

My kids have been excited about the trip to Seattle for more than a month. They announced “We’re going to Seattle!” to anyone who would listen. But for all their anticipation, they really had no idea what to expect. When we arrived at the Strohl house, Patches and Gleek’s fondest dreams were realized. There were kids to play with and new toys and a dog and cats. Kiki’s joy was focused on the dog and a promised dip in the hot tub. Link got out of the car and found himself faced with a strange house full of strange people, cats which would make him wheeze, and a large, friendly, bouncing dog. Link wanted to get back into the car and drive back to Boise.

The next hour for Link was filled with fear and anxiety. He shut himself into one of the downstairs rooms and lay on the floor crying quiet tears. He’d been so looking forward to the trip and now he’d arrived and it was full of worrisome things. At first I did not realize what Link was doing. I was busy talking with the Strohls and getting settled. Then I looked around and only found three of my four kids. The Strohls, wonderful hosts that they are, took the dog to go stay at a neighbor’s house for awhile. I carried Link upstairs and sat him on my lap. I didn’t force him to talk to anyone. I didn’t try to make him happy. I didn’t try to show him all the cool things about the house. I just required him to sit where he could begin to acclimate rather than huddling and feeling miserable. Within 15 minutes Link was starting to feel comfortable. Within an hour he was down on the floor playing Legos with the Strohl’s son. The next morning we reintroduced the dog, which gave Link a little renewed anxiety, but not much. He had another moment of anxiety when we returned to the Strohls after two days in a hotel. But over all he adapted well and once he was comfortable he had a great time.

Watching Link’s anxiety and helping him overcome it made me realize that Link doesn’t get exposed to new experiences as often as he should. He is content to play at home or with a few familiar friends. He makes friends slowly as people become familiar. Most of our trips involve staying with relatives. Link’s whole life keeps him in a comfort zone. When he is forced outside that comfort zone, he reacts with fear and anxiety. The world is not always going to provide him with comfortable experiences. If I do not teach him how to deal with things that make him anxious, I will have failed him as a parent. I need to consciously expose Link to things which will be good for him, but which he doesn’t necessarily want to do. I need to choose these experiences carefully. The important thing is to teach him how to deal with anxiety and fear, not to make him miserable. We’ll be taking another family trip to new places, possibly next year. That is good, but I also need to provide smaller experiences here at home. I’ll have to do some thinking to figure out what they might be.