Month: April 2007

One of our first Seattle events was a tour of Wizards of the Coast. This was arranged by the wonderful Stacy Whitman who is an editor there. We knew we were in the right place as soon as we walked into the lobby. The giant dragon sculpture was a big hint. The kids were very impressed with this dragon and with the larger-than-life knight who contemplated the dragon from the other end of the lobby. We took some pictures and looked over the display shelves while we waited for Stacy.

Wizards of the Coast is now owned by Hasbro, so there were some little kid toys out on the lobby table. Patches happily occupied himself playing with Mr. Potato Head. Gleek, rather appropriately, played with a barrel of monkeys. Stacy then arrived and took us on a tour of the facility. At first I felt just like I was walking back into a Novell office building where Howard used to work. Gray carpet and gray cubicles were everywhere. But then I realized that instead of the normal boring landscape art, the walls were covered in fantasy and science fiction art. Wizards was displaying concept art for their various games and books. Also Novell never had a life size model of R2D2. That was cool. The kids all greeted him like a long lost friend. But only Kiki and Gleek consented to be photographed with him.

The tour was somewhat abbreviated to match the attention spans of the kids. Patches was carried for the whole tour by Howard because it was hard for him to keep up. As we passed cubicles I noticed that many of them were very decorated, a practice Novell certainly never encouraged. I could tell that these were creative people and there was a sense that everyone was happy to be there. These were people working at their dream jobs and I could tell. They had everything from a little kitchen to a break area with two jigsaw puzzles in progress. I could tell that it was a good place to be.

The tour ended at Stacy’s cubicle where she had stashed free stuff to give to us. The kids were delighted with all the collectible cards, particularly with the neopets cards. They continue to play with them and Kiki has even ventured out to Neopets.com to create her own virtual neopet. It was a good tour and a good visit.

During the month of March I was very focused on writing and other projects. I felt compelled to bring some things, like the website and business cards, to completion. Now it is April and I’m feeling a little out of balance. I’ve been thinking a lot these past few days about the kids and my role as their mother. The oft quoted phrase from a leader of my church floats through my minds “No success can compensate for failure in the home.” I feel like I’ve been failing my kids. Their wants and needs have been pushed aside a lot lately as I try to make them all conform to my plans for the hour, or day, or week. I’ve also been thinking of my sister Nancy. When she was visiting here I watched her drop her things to respond to her kids. I don’t think I was ever as attentive to my kids as she is to hers. I certainly have not been lately. I’ve been thinking about the trip to Seattle. During the trip my whole focus was to keep the kids safe and to make sure they enjoyed themselves. This meant that I did not get to do some of the things I would have liked to do, but it was alright because I was really focused on the welfare of the kids.

I am a planner. I always have a plan. I invariably get grumpy when my plan gets rearranged. I need to build more of my plans around the things that my kids want me to do. I am always doing things for my kids. Many of them are things that the kids don’t feel need to be done or would rather I didn’t do. I need to make space to do some of the things that they keep asking me to do, but I fail to find the time for. Today I sat down and listed all the things that my kids have been asking me to do, but which I haven’t gotten done.

Kiki has been wanting to try putting egg into her hair to make it shiny. She also wants me to fix two pairs of pajamas. Kiki’s birthday is coming up and we need to plan that. Kiki also has big plans for an embroidery project that she needs my help to accomplish. Link has been asking me to fix his blankets for months. He is also wanting to find ways to earn money so he can buy a video game. He needs me to help him sort through his belongings and decide which ones to sell in a store that he sets up for neighbors and siblings. Gleek wants to have a manicure time. She also wants me to do craft projects with her. She wants to have time to talk at bedtime and her blankets have needed fixing forever. Patches is constantly asking me to sit down and play games with him, I almost never do. He really wants to know how to read and write, I haven’t been teaching him. He would also enjoy going to the library story time and sitting in my lap to listen to the stories.

Over the next few weeks I want to get every one of these things done. There will probably be other things which the kids will want me to do as well. I can’t plan all of every day to be at the whims of my children, but I can make sure that there is time for the really important things. I will also be paying more attention to making sure that there are regular meal times and bedtimes. There have been many tantrums and upsets which could have been avoided if only I’d been ahead of the curve instead of behind it. Being a mother is my primary job and I need to go back to putting it first.

Today did not go as I intended. I planned to work hard all morning. Then in the afternoon and evening I was going to hang out with Janci. There was going to be laughter and lots of talking. I didn’t get as much done in the morning as I planned. The time with Janci started really well. We talked over her latest novel and events in her lives and mine. She wandered through my house with me and listened to me babble about all my plans for painting and replacing baseboards. Then we left the house in quest of some fabric for a birthday project for Kiki. We went to three different fabric stores. None of them had what we were looking for. By the end of that I was flagging. My head had begun to ache and all I really wanted was to curl into a ball somewhere and have some down time. Janci said she was tired too, so I dropped her at her apartment. I went in with her for awhile and that was a good thing because we realized that she already has some fabric that will work for the planned project. Also she gave me her old outdated laptop computer. It can’t connect to the internet and it has only a floppy drive. I doesn’t even have a working battery, it has to be plugged in. It does have a working USB port though. This means about all that it is good for is word processing. This means I can type things while sitting upstairs in the sunshine and then use a memory stick to transfer them to my real computer in the basement. There have been many many times that I wanted to work on a story or revision, but I didn’t want to sit in the basement to do it. Someday I’ll have a real laptop, but until then this may make things a little easier.

After leaving Janci’s I bought dinner for the kids and crashed into bed with a book. I finally crawled back out again about 20 minutes ago. I didn’t get everything done today. The house is far from clean. I’m headachy and tired and grouchy. I think I’ve got a sinus infection. When I look sanely at how much stuff I’ve accomplished in the last three days I’ve done plenty. But I’m still mad at myself for not getting more done today. And if I wasn’t going to get stuff done, couldn’t I have enjoyed having a break?

A few days ago Kiki asked if she could mow the lawn rather than having to do Saturday house cleaning chores. I’ve not been looking forward to solving the problem of lawn mowing. I hadn’t yet decided whether to hire a neighborhood boy or just buy a new mower and do it myself. Giving the job to Kiki is a possibility that I’d considered, but I really didn’t want to have to fight over lawn mowing. So when she volunteered to give it a try I figured it would be a good experiment. I want to see if she’ll still be as excited about mowing the lawn after she has actually done it once.

Since we currently do not own a mower I borrowed one from my backyard neighbor. We put gas in it and Kiki got started on the front yard. In order for Kiki to mow the back yard, there was a considerable amount of picking up to be done. One of the items that needed picking up was our saucer shaped snow sled. Apparently it had been acting as a little greenhouse for the last couple of weeks because underneath it was a circle of tall green grass. The kids were all amazed at this beautiful tall grass. Gleek in particular fell in love with this little patch of summer. She was extremely dismayed to learn that we intended to mow it. We then had our own little environmental protest in the back yard. It came complete with a civil disobedience sit in. Gleek plunked herself in the middle of the patch of grass and refused to move. She got the neighbor kids to come and sit with her. The only thing they didn’t have was signs and chanting although I’m sure they would have done that too if they had thought of it.

I had yet to decide what to do about the demonstration when Kiki needed help with a different section of grass that was especially long and weedy. I pushed the mower over the weeds and CRUNCH! The mower hit a large rock. That was the end of the mowing because the rock bent the mower blade so badly that it put an end to all mowing until the blade can be replaced. I had to go confess to my neighbor that I’d broken his mower. He was really nice about it and I’ve offered to pay for the replacement blade.

So the yard remains only partially mowed. With the threat of mowing no longer imminent the protesters have scattered to other activities. What they don’t realize is that later today the blade will be replaced and the little green patch will be mowed. Hopefully by Kiki, although the interruption has dampened her lawn mowing enthusiasm. Within a month the whole yard will be that green, so I doubt the protesters will miss the green patch much.

Our children hit the Strohl’s house like a little hoard of water-weary pirates. They quickly made themselves at home and proceeded to ransack and pillage. Most of the pillaging was of finished craft projects made from supplies provided by Donna. Although they also acquired further supplies for future projects here at home. The first of these projects was fuse beads which had the advantage of taking a long time to complete. This meant that the quantity to bring home was fewer. The suncatchers were a different story. Kiki managed to paint 20 of those in a single day. Gleek nearly matched this output. The boys did a single car each and called it good. Gleek also acquired a spare clear plastic merry-go-round designed to be colored. She got this merely by asking for it. The tactic was sufficiently effective that when it came time for us to go home, Gleek asked to take home some of the Strohl girl’s toys. I told her no firmly, but she did get a little easter chick as a going away gift. The other kids each got one as well.

The Strohl house was not the only source of new stuff. Kiki scored a copy of Girl Genius from Phil Folio himself. He even signed it for her. She squealed in delight. When we visited Wizard’s of the Coast Stacy gave us piles of Neopets cards and DuelMaster cards. The kids tore divided the piles with glee. I tried to stash all the cards away to keep them safe, but various children kept demanding them. Patches was particularly adamant about wanting his cards. He still carries around a little stack of Neopet cards for portions of each day. He loves to sit and sort them. None of my kids have a clue how to play the games asociated with the cards, but they’re sure that the cards are super cool. Some of the stuff we acquired we actually paid for. Gleek bought a stuffed seahorse at the aquarium. Patches bought a scuba diver play set. Link bought a game called “Don’t tip the Penguins!” Howard wasn’t to be left out. He bought a set of Girl Genius welding goggles. The kids all covet those goggles.

I’m not above doing a little pillaging myself. When I visited Kreely, she gave me free run to peruse her bookshelf and borrow a stack. I tried to be careful and selective, but part of me just wanted to shovel books into a box and run off with them. I now have a lovely stack of books waiting for me to find the time to read them all. This is a wonderful improvement over wandering through the house, bored because I’ve nothing to read.

So, lots of pillaging. But at least we’re polite pillagers. We always got permission first.

The ransacking was also by permission. Mostly it took place on the night of Thursday March 29. That was the night of the Schlockfest. The adults all hung around upstairs talking and eating yummy food. The kids all stayed downstairs watching movie after movie. They did make frequent forays into the kitchen to grab food and retreat. By the time the evening was over the downstairs was a jumble of toys, costumes, movies, chips, spilled drinks, and assorted other smashed or crushed food items. It definitely had the morning-after-a-wild-party thing going on. The next morning all the little pirates were required to help un-ransack the downstairs. I tried to make sure that it was put back as nicely as it had been before we arrived. I’m not sure I totally succeeded. Donna had everything so beautifully clean and organized. I’m just not sure everything got put back where it should have gone.

Now that the pirates are all at home I think I’ll make them all write thank you notes. See, we’re polite pirates.

My intention for today was to continue blogging about Seattle and to do some yardwork. Instead I was lured into the world of possibilities inherent in curtains. I browsed in Walmart’s clearance aisle and found beautiful curtains. Or rather a single panel of beautiful curtain. Unfortunately to hang them in my house I need a pair. I quested to a second Walmart to see if I could get lucky and find another panel. No such luck. (HomeTrends Crewel. If you happen to see them, email me and tell me where.) While I was browsing curtains I picked up some other possibilities for other rooms in my home. I’m not sure any of them will pan out, but I have a receipt. Then I realized that if I re-arranged the girl’s room I could give them some additional space and potentially I can hang canopies over their beds. So I dove into that project. Remembering my intention to do yard work, I finally put the supporting cross pieces on our grape arbor. The job on that is kind of sloppy, but hopefully in two years it will be so covered in grapes that no one will ever know.

In all, my brain was busy spinning plans all day long. Not once did I quietly create a space for continuing to blog about Seattle. I need to make myself slow down some, but making my home prettier is so much fun. It is also expensive. I need to take back some of those curtain panels which aren’t really what I want after all.

Our last two or three major road trip have all included vomit in the car. Usually we manage to bring the flu with us and generously give it away to all my relatives. I think I might change our family name to Vector. We’ll be the Vectors. When Patches came down with flu 10 days prior to our Seattle departure, I considered it inevitable. I was actually a little glad. Perhaps this time we’d be done with the vomiting before the trip. But just in case I packed a bucket in the car.

That did seem to be the case. One by one the flu mowed my children flat. One by one they got better. Then we left for our trip. On the day we left, I honestly thought we were all better. I did not think that anyone was still contagious. Then we arrived in Boise and I realized that I was not feeling well. Nor was Howard. And Link was still running to the bathroom a lot. Apparently I was in contagion denial. By the time we left Boise, we were all well. Unfortunately within 8 hours of our departure my sister’s entire family was mowed flat by the flu. They were still recovering on the following Monday and we decided to drive straight home rather than risk re-infection. Also my sister sounded so tired on the phone and I didn’t want to give her any more work.

I feel guilty about making them all sick. I’m tired of bringing new and exciting illnesses to give to my relatives. But I’m really glad that none of us were sick during our stay in Seattle. We enjoyed the trip. And the just-in-case bucket was not used once.

My kids have been excited about the trip to Seattle for more than a month. They announced “We’re going to Seattle!” to anyone who would listen. But for all their anticipation, they really had no idea what to expect. When we arrived at the Strohl house, Patches and Gleek’s fondest dreams were realized. There were kids to play with and new toys and a dog and cats. Kiki’s joy was focused on the dog and a promised dip in the hot tub. Link got out of the car and found himself faced with a strange house full of strange people, cats which would make him wheeze, and a large, friendly, bouncing dog. Link wanted to get back into the car and drive back to Boise.

The next hour for Link was filled with fear and anxiety. He shut himself into one of the downstairs rooms and lay on the floor crying quiet tears. He’d been so looking forward to the trip and now he’d arrived and it was full of worrisome things. At first I did not realize what Link was doing. I was busy talking with the Strohls and getting settled. Then I looked around and only found three of my four kids. The Strohls, wonderful hosts that they are, took the dog to go stay at a neighbor’s house for awhile. I carried Link upstairs and sat him on my lap. I didn’t force him to talk to anyone. I didn’t try to make him happy. I didn’t try to show him all the cool things about the house. I just required him to sit where he could begin to acclimate rather than huddling and feeling miserable. Within 15 minutes Link was starting to feel comfortable. Within an hour he was down on the floor playing Legos with the Strohl’s son. The next morning we reintroduced the dog, which gave Link a little renewed anxiety, but not much. He had another moment of anxiety when we returned to the Strohls after two days in a hotel. But over all he adapted well and once he was comfortable he had a great time.

Watching Link’s anxiety and helping him overcome it made me realize that Link doesn’t get exposed to new experiences as often as he should. He is content to play at home or with a few familiar friends. He makes friends slowly as people become familiar. Most of our trips involve staying with relatives. Link’s whole life keeps him in a comfort zone. When he is forced outside that comfort zone, he reacts with fear and anxiety. The world is not always going to provide him with comfortable experiences. If I do not teach him how to deal with things that make him anxious, I will have failed him as a parent. I need to consciously expose Link to things which will be good for him, but which he doesn’t necessarily want to do. I need to choose these experiences carefully. The important thing is to teach him how to deal with anxiety and fear, not to make him miserable. We’ll be taking another family trip to new places, possibly next year. That is good, but I also need to provide smaller experiences here at home. I’ll have to do some thinking to figure out what they might be.

We arrived at my sister’s house in Boise on Monday March 26. My sister’s house is a familiar and comfortable place. The kids all disappeared to play with cousins and I had leisure to look around at the things my sister has changed since I was last there. She has done quite a bit of re-decorating. Her front room in particular has taken on a very comfortable and finished feel. I noted in particular how most of her wall decorations were things other than framed pictures. She had candle holders and floral arrangements and wire artworks. I really like that. Now I want to do more with my walls than just hang framed pictures on them.

Then on Wednesday March 28 we arrived in Seattle. The Strohl’s house is beautiful. Every room was clean and had objects in it whose only purpose was to add beauty to the room. But the house was also definitely arranged for people and kids to live in. I did not feel like I had to carefully not touch anything. Donna also had candle holders and wire things on her walls. The guest room where we stayed had a canopied bed and a little table and chairs with a fountain trickling quietly in one corner. It was like a peaceful little sanctuary. Several times during the visit I retreated down there to just sit and soak up the tranquility. A chorus of frogs sang outside my window only adding to the beauty of the place.

I sat in that place and thought about my house. My house isn’t beautiful. It has some beautiful things in it, but mostly the house itself is a container for my things. I realized that I want my house to be a Place. I want it to have character. The only way for it to acquire that is for me to put some time and effort into making it beautiful. I need to do some remodeling. Nothing major, just repainting and adding small touches here and there. Also I need to do some cleaning. I realized that if I’ll just scrub things a little more often, that will go a long way toward making my house more beautiful. I made plans to start on the scrubbing as soon as I got home and to evaluate how much money we can afford to put toward home improvement projects.

Then on Tuesday April 3 at 2 am I arrived home. I walked in the front door and was greeted by warmth and the smell of home. The surroundings were uncluttered because I’d picked up before we left and I was able to settle into this place that is mine. Being home again made me realize that my home is not ugly. It is a little worn and needs some renewal, but it is a good house with potential to be a wonderful house. I still remember having a delivery guy glance in our front room and ask if we are artistic people because our front room seemed artistic. I like that. I want my home to tell about me. I want my home to be welcoming and comfortable and beautiful. And like anything else, I’ll only achieve that as far as I’m willing to put in some work to make it happen.

Since our return from Seattle on Tuesday I have been asked “how was your trip?” more times than I’ve bothered to count. Usually that question is immediately followed by “Did you have fun?” These questions seem easy to answer, but they’re not. How was my trip? Did I have fun? Well there was definitely some fun involved, but I can’t say the whole trip was an unmitigated delight. I could have done without getting lost 3 of the 4 times I drove in the Seattle area. I learned a lot the challenges of combining a family vacation with a business trip. Some things worked other things didn’t. The kids and I got to go new places and see things we’d never seen before. Seeing those places with my kids was really good, but it was a very different experience from going by myself. This trip was not often relaxing, but it was definitely a good thing to do. I fully intend to do “vacation to new places” again, although I think next time I’ll arrange for Howard to be on vacation too. He worked the convention all weekend.

All the places we went and things that we saw sparked a bazillion thoughts in my brain. There were many blogworthy ideas and events. Thus far I haven’t blogged any of them, but I took notes and over the next week or so I’m hoping to go through them all and get the entries written. I’ve discovered that I really need mental space to process my experiences and to write about them. During the whole trip to Seattle I ran from event to event until I crashed into bed at night. Even in the times that I scheduled as “down times” for the kids, I was still on duty watching to make sure that kids didn’t drown in the hotel swimming pool or squabble over property rights. It wasn’t until the long drive home that my brain was able to process all the things that happened. I drifted half asleep while my mind wandered then I’d wake up and make notes about my brain wanderings. Then I’d drift some more, then write more notes.

Upon my arrival home I had to unpack everything and re-settle us all into being at home. That was Tuesday. Yesterday I had to spend all day catching up on accounting and the quarterly financial reports required by the state and federal governments. Today I am going to do some spring cleaning and I’m going to do some blogging. Fortunately the spring cleaning keeps my hands busy, but allows my brain space to roam and compose entries. So the two things should go well together. Perhaps when I’m done writing all the entries I’ll finally have a concise answer for “How was your trip?”