Goats in the Grocery Store

Long ago, when Howard and I were expecting our first child, we were given a humorus list by a friend. The list offered suggestions about how to prepare yourself for parenthood. It had such gems as, preparing for feeding by hanging a gourd with a hole in it on a string. You then swing the gourd and try to spoon oatmeal into the hole. Or, to prepare for dressing a child, you try to shove an octopus into a string bag. The suggestion to prepare for shopping with a child was to take a live goat with you to the store. You were then expected to pay for anything the goat damaged or ate. If you wanted to have more than one child, take more than one goat.

This is on my mind because I took all four goats children to the store today. I did this on purpose as a family togetherness activity. I announced that we had $10 with which to buy ice cream and toppings. That part of it worked well. We had some lively debates over whether it was better to get two cartons of ice cream or additional toppings. Also whether to get a more expensive brand with a cooler flavor or a cheaper one. As far as a budgeting lesson goes I think the experience was a good one.

Unfortunately interspersed with the negotiations about toppings and prices and ice cream, were other exchanges. Local grocery stores have taken to providing shopping carts that have plastic cars on the front. Thus little kids can drive a car while mom shops. This actually makes sense and the kids like it. I am unable to explain why our local Albertsons went one step further and instead of a car, there is a bright pink butterfly for the kids to sit in. A bright pink butterfly with a pair of steering wheels. Weird. Anyway we snagged the butterfly cart. Gleek and Patches each claimed a steering wheel and Link climbed into the basket. Kiki volunteered to push the cart and all was well for about two minutes. Then Gleek decided that driving the butterfly was boring, so she wanted to sit on top of it. Sitting on top is not recommended even with an adult driving the cart. Kiki was blundering all over the place and hitting things while she tried to get a feel for how huge the butterfly actually is. I’d always associated butteflies with lightness and gracefulness. This one lumbered.

After the “you may not sit on top” argument, Gleek decided to join Link in the basket. There was just enough room if they were both polite. They weren’t. Not only that, but Patches decided that the basket was the place to be and climbed into it while my back was turned. I was trying to get them to think about whether they should choose butterscotch or caramel and they were squabbling over squatters rights.

Then came the checking out. I was tired of the butterfly/jungle gym, so I ordered all the kids out of it and sent Kiki to go return it to the front of the store. Then I had three loose children all ready to touch the candy and magazines. Or, in the case of Gleek, to do spinning tricks on the ailse bars between check out lanes. I kept raising my voice trying to get their attention. They kept scattering, each with his or her own agenda. I attempted to bring it back under control by ordering them all to hold hands, only Kiki didn’t want to hold hands with Gleek, but Gleek desperately wanted to hold Kiki’s hand.

We made it back to the car. Then we made it home and ate the hard won ice cream. I hope they remember the happiness of the group experience. I hope they remember the lessons about fitting inside a budget. I hope that they remember being together as a family. I hope they don’t remember Mom being frustrated at them all.

It is always a difficult walk being out in public with my kids. I have to try to make sure that they don’t impinge upon others. But which draws more negative attention, them running amok or me hollering to try to keep them all in line? It is better than it used to be, but it is still hard to manage 5 agendas for one shopping trip.