Day: June 24, 2007

I do not like to sit with my children in Primary Sharing Time. I am thoroughly bored by the meeting itself (No surprise, it is geared toward 3-7 year-olds not adults) and frequently so are the children (At this age kids quickly get bored of everything.) So all they have to do is find ways to entertain themselves. My job is to try to teach them appropriate reverent and attentive behavior. If I were just sitting with someone else’s children I can be detached and amused while helping correct. But Gleek and Patches feel compelled to climb all over me, play with my hair, squabble because they both want the whole lap, and otherwise impinge upon my personal space. I always end the hour wondering how anybody puts up with my children who behave as appropriately as monkeys or goats would in the same place. I am mad because I’m unable to correct them without making a scene. I am mad that somehow I failed to teach them properly. And I am stuck in a miserable situation because I am in charge of not only my kids but other people’s children as well. Those other kids? They get no attention from me. None. I can’t see past my own ape-goats to do more than snap out a whispered “Sit down!”

Class time is fine. During class time, I’m in control. I get to shape the lesson. I get to respond to the needs of the kids. And I only have to deal with one of my children instead of two because the other child is off in class. And I can say “I’m not a mommy right now. I’m a teacher.” They actually understand that. If the class is out of control, I have piles of tactics to bring it back. I’m very good at managing small groups of children. It is torture to have to sit quietly while being climbed over and watching someone else sort-of manage a large group of children. (I’m not critizing here. The teacher was doing well. Large groups of young children are extremely hard to manage.)

Today I substituted for Gleek’s class. As I picked up Patches his teacher tried to corner me to ask if I’d be in town next week. I said I wasn’t sure. I really do not want to do this again next week. It is selfish of me. I know that primary teachers work hard. I know how frustrating and uncomfortable it is to have to beg people to substitute. I’ve been there. But right now is really not a good time in my life for me to be subbing for my younger two kids. In a couple of years it’ll be fine again. In a couple of years I may even enjoy it thoroughly. All I know is that after having me sit with them this week, next week I’m going to have to work twice as hard to get them to go at all. If I sit in there again next week it will all be worse. I hope they get someone else before they get around to asking me. I don’t want to have to say no. But if they do ask I think I’ll say no.

In the summer I have kids with me all day every day. Those two childless hours at church provide a blessed and much needed relief. Usually after church I’m ready to spend time with my kids because I’ve had a break. Right now I just want to lock myself in a room all by myself and ignore them all.

(Note: All parenthetical comments were added later in the day because I am apparently unable to let my grumpy rants go unqualified.)