Today I flipped out. I felt it coming on at about noon. By 3 pm I was a wreck and called Howard who was at the Keep. He came right home. Then of course I felt horrible for ruining his relaxation time. At first I couldn’t identify why everything was suddenly overwhelming. Why the chaos which I’ve handled easily for three days was suddenly overwhelming. I was being reduced to tears by things which are totally normal around here and which I usually shrug off.
An example, the kids dumped clean laundry out of their laundry baskets so that they could use the baskets as boats. Usually this is annoying and I make them put it all back. Today this was infuriating and I shouted at them to put the baskets back right now. When they didn’t start moving after 10 seconds I launched into a tirade about how much I hate clean laundry on the floor and that we never never never are allowed to dump clean laundry to play with baskets. I was holding onto control with the barest tips of my fingernails. I think I scared my nephews who’ve never seen me be that way before. Then of course I want to retreat into a private space and cry and berate myself for my loss of control.
That is one example of a repeating cycle all afternoon. It made no sense that I should be so volatile and irrational about every small provocation.
Then I counted on the calendar. 10 days ago my parents were in town and we had a whirlwind couple of days. 10 days ago the schedule disruption caused me to miss a dose or two of my thyroid medication. Guess how long the delayed effect of a missed dose is.
So now I have an explanation and I just need to weather out the storm. And I need to not listen to the voices which take small incidents and blow them into major traumas. My emotional tendency right now is to latch onto an incident and fret it until it feels huge and overwhelming. I have to tell myself over and over that if it really is an issue, it will still be an issue tomorrow when my emotional stability is closer to normal. It won’t be an issue tomorrow. I know it won’t. None of the things which are driving me to tears today will be a problem tomorrow.
I really need to never be separated from my regular doses of thyroid hormones. I’m a completely different person without them. I’m inclined to cry about that, but I think instead I’ll put that into the stack of things to consider tomorrow or the next day. For today procrastination, denial, and repression are my friends. Tomorrow a more rational Sandra can look again to see if any of the mirages are real.
from Jennie
Tim (dear husband) is also on thyroid meds (i totally missed some how that you are also) – and he gets….wierd…when he doesnt take his thyroid stuff either. His thyroid does not work at all – hasnt for 17 years…He gets moody, his fingers and face swell etc. He doesnt notice the side effects as much as me…he gets irritable, short tempered and little things seem to set him off, he starts sweating more – like soaks the pillow at night – (which is ALWAYS a sign…. email me if you want to compare more side effects etc. He SWEARS it doesnt make him moody etc – but…it DOES. Very cool that you can be so self-aware. About a year ago I looked at a photo of him – and realized his meds were not working again – I was talking to him and looked at the pic and realized how swollen he had slowly gotten again (seems silly to not notice but he is such a big guy to begin with…) and he went to the doc and they did blood work and said he was still okayish in his ranges – and Tim came home and told me and I disagreed with the doc and went back to the docs with him and took the photo from just a few months earlier and told the doc the symptoms I had noticed and the doc sent us to a different specialist and they did another blood etst and then agreed with me and changed his dosage *(uped) – and the little increase made a HUGE difference – no more swelling, no more moodies, etc.
Re: from Jennie
I’ve been on thyroid medication for almost 7 years now. For a long time my dosage fluctuated because I was pregnant twice and nursing twice with all the body weight changes and hormonal shifts those things entail. My dosage has been stable for about 3 years now. It is really nice to be stabilized. …as long as I remember to take the medicine every morning.
Re: from Jennie
Im not sure how it works – are you supposed to be steady? (if so Im more curious now why his hasnt been) or will it fluctutate with weight and age? I would guess it would be normal to have it change as your metabolism normally evolves with age etc? Tim’s dosage has changed…at least twice in the last five years (maybe three….I know they put him on a dose and then changed it three months later…so that three month period would be the third – not sure if that counts).
I flip out like that… and I have nothing to blame it on but hormones…. blasted hormones.
May peace be yours, serene and full
With gentle contemplation
While reinforced by friends and family
And medication.
===|===========/ Level Head
Re: from Jennie
The necessary dosage changes with fluctuations in weight and age. It also changes if your thyroid is in the process of failing. My thyroid was damaged and so it makes sense that it would stay at the same level of severity. Where Tim’s is naturally failing I’d expect more fluctuation. For the first several years they tested my levels every three months. Now I only have to test once per year.
I never really thought about my thyroid’s effect on psychological things like mood, compared to how it affects my weight and levels of energy. I just started taking meds for my thyroid. Well, I guess it has been 2 years, but I’ve only recently gotten used to it. It’s so annoying to have to adjust my eating schedule (normally I get up and eat first thing, but now I have to take my meds and then wait an hour, which honestly I still don’t do very well). Then again, I know I get more depressed when my thyroid levels are out of whack. Anyway, it’s interesting to hear. Thanks for being so open about it, because I’m still learning about it.
Missing several doses in a row throws me into a mental tailspin like yesterday. Missing a single dose isn’t such a big issue. If my dosage is a little too low, I don’t notice the mental effects as much as the lack of energy and weight gain. So for me fatigue and weight gain are longer term effects, the mental effects seem to be caused by sudden shifts in thyroid levels. This probably means that if I suddenly stopped taking meds I would be a basket case for a couple of days. Then I’d settle in emotionally but I’d pack on the pounds and sleep a lot more. I think I’ll keep taking my medicine.
I know that the medicine says to take it an hour before meals, but I often take it with breakfast. I figure I’m better off taking it with food than forgetting to take it. After 7 years on the stuff I’ve just trained myself to stumble out of bed and take it before I do anything else. Then I often eat because I’m in the kitchen anyway.
Yeah, that’s what I tend to do, take it with breakfast, for the same reason–better to take it w/food than not take it at all. The doctor says my levels are okay, so perhaps it’s okay, but I bet I’d do better at losing the weight I’ve gained in the last couple years if I was more diligent about the hour wait. Dang it. 🙂