Anger managment

Today I am angry and frustrated because of decisions that someone else made. This means that I am angry at the pair of people who made the decisions. I am not a keeper of grudges. I believe that harboring anger will only hurt me without helping situations at all. This is particularly true since I know that there was no intent to harm. But this does not prevent me from getting angry, it just means that there is a process that I have to work through so that I can let go of the anger and forgive.

Step one is to minimize the damage. For this particular instance, I’m still working on this. I won’t know until next week exactly how much damage was done to me and mine. Right now I’m doing all in my power to make sure the damage is as small as possible. Hopefully the only damage will be additional stress that my family had to cope with. Part of minimizing damage is to not communicate with the people in question. I also need to not spill all the details and names in a place where they can be hurt by it. There will be a time later to talk, but I need to not be actively angry.

Step two is to assess the situation. Here I assess how much damage was done and how that affects other things. I have to decide whether I believe that the incident was a single unfortunate event or indicative of a larger pattern that needs to be addressed. I decide whether preserving a relationship with the people is important. Sometimes the best solution is to drop the relationship. If the person is someone I have to deal with on a long term basis (family, or coworker, or neighbor) then the option to abandon the relationship is absent or very complicated. In that case I have to decide how to speak to the person about the issue. Hopefully the problem can be resolved and will never happen again. If the issue can not be permanently resolved, then I have to take action to minimize or negate future damage should the same problem re-occur. The key here is that I take time to look at the situation from all angles before taking actions.

Step three is to actually put into action the plans I made in step two.

Hopefully somewhere in the process I can let go of the anger and forgive. Contrition from the other party really helps with that, but isn’t critical. It is possible to let the anger go even if the other people are unrepentant.

Note: I always read this kind of entry and wonder “was it me that made her mad?” If you are asking that question it isn’t you. I don’t believe the people in question read my journal. If you have ever commented here, it isn’t you. If you have never met me in person it isn’t you. If you see me regularly, it isn’t you. If you’re still wondering, you can email me username at livejournal.com and I’ll tell you that it isn’t you.