Fourteen years ago today I got married. Howard often jokes that he had to talk me into it, and he did sort of. I was bewildered at how easily Howard sailed into my life and changed the shape of it forever. I was no longer me by myself, I was part of We.
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| August 5 1993
We don’t look exactly like this anymore, but the smiles are still the same. |
Periodically either Howard or I have a breakdown of sorts and we end up tearfully asking the question “Why on earth do you put up with me?” When I am the one asking, Howard doesn’t even pause for though before he rattles off a list of things about me that he can’t do without. He tells me I’m wonderful and does it in a way that I have to believe him. Why do I put up with him? Because he doesn’t have to pause to think for an answer to that question and because he keeps listing things until I feel better.
I am not the person I was when Howard and I met. We have grown into each other and taken on some of each other’s attributes. Howard taught me how to be aggressive and handle confrontations. Early in our marriage I just handed off all of those to him, but over the years I’ve watched him and learned. Now I can handle anything from asserting about a billing mistake to telling a family member a necessary but unpleasant truth. Howard’s self assurance was something I admired and over the years I’ve managed to make some of it my own. I love Howard’s ambition. He is never content unless he is reaching for a goal or pursuing a project. I love that and I do all I can to help his dreams come true. I can throw myself 100% behind his endeavors because I know without a doubt that he will abandon those dreams should I or the family need him to do so. I can not count the number of times that he has dropped everything to come to my rescue. The rescues have varied in scope from small to huge, but he was there for me when I needed him most.
I love that anytime I come to Howard with an interest or hobby or dream that I want to pursue, he supports me 100% in whatever decision I make. At every turn, in every conversation, he affirms his belief in my intelligence and capability. At times when we disagree about a course of action, he never impliesthat my preference is stupid or lesser.
I love that he makes me laugh and that he laughs for me. I love all the stupid running jokes that we have which evolve over months or years of interactions. I love how he deliberately builds such jokes with the kids. I love that he makes me laugh even when I’m in tears over the tragedy of the day.
I love watching Howard as a father. I love the very different relationships he has constructed with each of the kids. I love the silly games they play together. I love how when I’m at my wits end trying to manage four kids, Howard steps in and backs me up with his big Daddy voice. I love the times he shushes the kids so that I can take a nap. I love the times when he assigns work to kids so that I won’t have to. I love having a tag-team partner in managing kids.
Why do I put up with him? Because he has grown to be so much a part of myself that I couldn’t remove him without ripping all that I am apart and building it new. Because I am stronger, surer, better than I could be without him. Because he sees the good in me when I can’t. Because 14 years ago I promised to be with him forever and it was the best decision I’ve ever made.
Comparing you in the wedding day photo to the you in your icon, you haven’t changed a whole heck of alot…
And Howard had hair!! That threw me for a second… 😉
I love it when you two talk about your life as a married couple. It’s really amazing, and powerful to read.
What a gorgeous couple you two are, then and now, inside and out. You guys make me tear up.
Cool beans! Wife and I are approaching 8 this Thanksgiving (hey, the family was all together already) and I know what you mean about complimenting each other in life. Gives one a steady point, even when everything’s up in the air.
As for your wedding pic, man, Howard looks very familiar in that one (I first saw him in his Celtic Warrior pic, 6 years ago or so). Did he ever attend USF or UCF in Florida? Weird!
No. The only college Howard attended was BYU. But he did do summer programs at Duke a couple of times during his teen years.
I must be thinking of another cartoonist who said they spent some time in Florida, back in the ’90’s. Still, his pic of back then is darn familiar. Weird!
Congratulations on your anniversary.
Congratulations. You two are one of the sweetest couple I’ve ever had the good fortune to meet. And, Sandra, you haven’t aged a day.
congratulations!
woo and hoo! 14 years! it’s a goodness!
and that has to be one of the best descriptions of the goodnesses of a marriage that i’ve seen recently.
Wow. You should write a novel or something. That was really moving.
Congratulations! It’s wonderful to see the profound, abiding love you have for each other.
Yaaaay!!!!
CONGRATULATIONS!
Fourteen years! Good job.
Are you getting to or did you get to do something fun together, by yourselves, without kids… you know, alone? : )
Re: Yaaaay!!!!
Not really, unless you count watching Monty Python while snuggled on the couch. Howard is too busy trying to replace the buffer he lost during comic con and I’m too busy prepping for the reunion.
Congrats, you guys! You are still as lovely as a summer’s day, and Howard is the same, but with less hair.
We just celebrated 5 years – hopefully we make it to 14 without killing each other! 😀
“Because he has grown to be so much a part of myself that I couldn’t remove him without ripping all that I am apart and building it new. Because I am stronger, surer, better than I could be without him. Because he sees the good in me when I can’t.”
Exactly that, on this end.
Forever is a good thing
Congratulations..
The Dragon Lady and I are working on 37 years and 4 kids worth of marriage, and we have learned a few things…
1) Learn to disagree and argue, but never give up on each other
2) Above all else, put your family first.
3) Insanity is heredetary–you get it from your kids.
4) Normal is a setting on the dryer, not a description of life.
5) Take time to do nothing together…
–Volvo Mech
I just had this funny image pop into my head of Howard standing there in a tuxedo and 4-inch high New Rock Boots.
Congratulations to both of you!
Kevin
It is a funny mental picture, but the New Rocks post-date the wedding by a decade.
Many congratulations! The wife and I are approaching 17 years ourselves. Where does the time go?
I’m looking forward to the next 17…
CUAgain,
Daniel Meyer