Month: August 2007

In high school I spent a year running long races for the Cross Country team and shorter races for the Track team. There is a world of difference between a short race and a long race. Short races are called sprinting. Sprinting is pushing your body as hard and as fast as you possibly can. If you have time to think how much it will hurt later, then you aren’t pushing hard enough. You use up every last ounce of energy as fast as you can until you run out. This is called “hitting the wall.” It is when all the biological consequences of pushing so hard catch up to you. If you train right, you won’t hit the wall until after the race is over, but sometimes it happens before then. When you hit the wall, it is all you can do to keep moving. Long races are all about endurance rather than speed. You try to find a pace that you can maintain througout the run. Endurance racers don’t go fast, but they keep going. As the body learns and adapts the pace can pick up. That’s called hitting your stride.

On Monday morning the starter gun for this school year went off and I began running. I was moving fast, getting things done. Every moment with my kids I was analyzing how they were adapting to the new schedule and making plans for how to further smooth the transition. Oh and I was blogging just about every small incident that occurred. It was all going really well. Then last night I hit the wall. Howard came home grumpy and I was completely unable to do anything to help him work through it. I wanted to, but there was nothing there, nothing left to give. It was only then that I realized I’ve spent these last three days at a sprinter’s pace. Perhaps it was necessary for the beginning of school, but now I need to slow way down. I need to settle in and find a stride that will carry me through until school gets out next spring.

Kiki came home from school bright-eyed and enthusiastic. She’d been worried about navigating through the crowded halls, but found that the experience was actually fun. As she described it like a moving maze and a flowing river I realized that she was viewing the challenge of getting from class to class like a video game where the goal was not to run into other people. She is also full of praises for all her teachers. She thinks that they are all amazingly cool and is glad that the only homework she had tonight was a word search. I’m glad to see the disclosure documents and to realize that these classes are set up exactly to encourage the kind of educational discipline which Kiki needs. I don’t think she is going to be challenged academically this year, but I’d love for her to have the chance to get straight A’s and feel really competant.

I walked Link and Gleek home from school today. I’ve been hoping that I could eventually let them walk home together without me. It is going to be awhile before I’ll let that happen. Gleek needs to learn some good walking home habits before I’ll try to put Link in charge of her otherwise she’ll run him right over with one of her whims and he won’t know what to do about it. Honestly I don’t think they’ll be walking home for awhile either. Gleek is trying so hard to be perfectly behaved during school. First grade is so much longer than Kindergarten, she is worn out by the end of the day. It took her a full 15 minutes to make her way from her classroom to the meeting place. Then I had to threaten Time-Out to get her to climb down from the meeting place tree. Then there were several refuse-to-go-a-step-further moments on the walk home. Only the promise of chocolate chips at the end got her to her feet again. In a few weeks when life is more settled we’ll try walking home again. I’ll happily drive her home from school every day if I get announcements like today’s “I didn’t get sent to time out at all!”

Kiki is going to the doctor on Saturday. She has been sleepy and foggy for weeks. It used to be that she could not fall asleep during the day unless she was sick. Lately she has been sleeping for several hours each day, going to bed early, and getting up late. I know that she’s growing and maturing, but 15 hours of sleep per day seems excessive for that. I hope that she’ll test positive for Mono on Saturday. Having Mono would stink, but I like that diagnosis much more than some of the alternatives I’ve been able to think up.

The new schedule has me blogging a lot more. I’m not sure if that is a result of the large quiet spaces in my days or if it is merely me trying to process how the new schedule affects everything. I think it is a little of both.

You know you’re a blogger when you drop your child off for her first day of First Grade and realize you didn’t bring the camera, but you’re already composing sentences in your head.

Yeah. Gleek will only get a picture of her first day of First Grade because my neighbor took one. But she gets a blog entry. That counts for something right?

Last night began The School Schedule. I had to make sure that dinner was on the table at 6pm because after dinner is homework time and bedtime. Of course we didn’t have any homework last night, but that’s okay because dinner didn’t happen until 6:30 anyway. I’m out of practice. Instead of homework I had all the kids participate in fixing their lunches. We’ll be doing home-packed lunches this year because Gleek is mildly lactose intolerant and I want to have more control over what she is fed. Also Link and Kiki are both really tired of school lunches, so they’re glad to do a litle extra work in the evening. Last night everyone was glad to fix lunches. I doubt that enthusiasm will last through the year.

The bedtime schedule was also a little rusty. I was worn out before we were halfway through with it. It is a very intensive time of day for me because I have to pay full attention to keep all the kids on track. If I wander away for a minute or two, then the kids get sidetracked and I have to work hard to get us all back on course. Practice will make it easier.

This morning I hauled all the kids out of bed at 6:55. It is supposed to be 6:45, but I was running 10 minutes behind schedule. We had scripture reading and prayers (about 10 minutes) then they all sat down to breakfast. This morning they were all wide eyed and enthusiastic about the coming day. We’d been to open house the night before so the kids had seen their classrooms and met their teachers. Link was extremely pleased that his teacher is young as well as male. I’m already pleased with the teacher because he walked right up to Link and started interacting with him. I can tell already that this will be Link’s favorite teacher ever. Gleek isn’t as focused on the teacher, but her classroom has desks! and cubbies! and carpeted steps! She spent the open house jumping around on these steps. I took a moment to sidle up to the teacher and mention oh so casually that Gleek is something of a high energy person. The teacher responded with a twinkle in her eye that she could tell, but that it was developmentally typical for first graders and that she’s glad to see it. I think I’m going to be able to work with this teacher.

It is always tricky to know how much to tell a teacher before the school year begins. Part of me wants to corner the teacher and explain exactly how wonderful and special my child is. I want to explain where problem spots are likely to be and how we handle them at home. But pinning a teacher down that way isn’t a good idea. They’ve got 27 other sets of parents who want to do the same thing. The teacher isn’t likely to remember anything of a long list of instructions, but she just might remember a single tip if it is given at the right moment. So that is what I try to do. This time I mentioned that Gleek sometimes has to push at boundaries before she’ll accept them, but once she accepts them she’s very good at staying inside. The teacher again nodded and said it was common. In a week or so, when she’s had a chance to deal with Gleek more, I’ll have another conversation with her. At that point the teacher may have already experienced frustrating behavior and will be looking for solutions. Then she’ll be glad to hear how I handle things at home.

I drove Link and Gleek to school this morning and listened to their chatter. Link was very pleased about his new backpack which has a cellphone pocket on the strap and a little ipod pocket on the inside with a little hole for headphones to string through. These things are very cool even though he owns neither a cellphone nor an ipod. He has decided to keep this backpack forever so that when he does get these cool electronic devices, he will be prepared. I’m glad that he likes his new bag because he really needed to not carry a Hamtaro backpack into fourth grade. Gleek’s chatter was mostly her trying to wrap her head around being a big kid. She commented that she’ll be going to school and coming home at the same time as Link. She talked about things she’d seen in her classroom. She talked about getting to have lunch at school. She and Link did some teacher comparisons.

When we arrived both Link and Gleek shot off to their classrooms without a backward glance. Parents were invited for a 10 minute story in Gleek’s class, so I followed along at my own pace. In the classroom Gleek was perfect. No jumping off of steps today. This was the first day of First Grade and careful attention must be paid. She sat ramrod straight, hands in her lap, her whole attention on the story. I watched her there, so tiny. She’s small even in comparison with her peers. She was wearing new clothes and her hair carefully brushed and barretted. Even though she sat perfectly still, there was something intense about her. She wasn’t just listening. She was Listening with her whole self. The bouncing off the walls will come later I’m sure.

And then I walked away and came home to my quiet, empty house. Kiki is home today because her first day was yesterday. She’ll go back again tomorrow. Patches is still here. And yet the house and the day feel spacious. I’m going to have long stretches of time to accomplish things. I’ll have to give some thought about how to make good use of the time rather than squandering it.

It is so quiet with the kids at school.

Last night Howard and I had some friends over for dinner. They are also making a living on a creative endeavor and so we had a very interesting conversation on the particular challenges and joys of this lifestyle. One of the things discussed was the quantity of time that gets spent on work and work related things. I know Howard has to make a concerted effort to take breaks. His default mode is working on something. Our friends were relieved to hear that because they feel the same way. And we all agreed that we’re lucky to be able to make a living on work that we can’t leave alone.

Then, at a moment when Howard had wandered out of the room, the husband leaned forward and asked me a very interesting question. He asked “Do you mind that Howard is working all the time?” I hardly even had to think. I assured him that I did not. I’ve now had time to ponder that answer and it is accurate, but I don’t think it is complete.

Howard is a person who always has to be doing something. He literally can not stop. Early in our marriage that caused a few difficulties as we learned how to deal with each other. I learned that Howard can pay full attention to what I’m saying while he is also surfing the internet. He learned that sometimes I need him to turn away from the computer and give me his full attention. I learned to ask for his full attention when I need it. He learned that sometimes I really need attention, but am reluctant to ask. Over the years we have worked out how to manage these things.

Howard’s need to always be doing things is so core to his being that he’d have to become someone else to excise it. During the early years of our marriage that need was filled by writing music. Then it found expression in producing music. There was a short stint as a science fiction reviewer for the company that eventually became About.com. Then the job at Novell became more of a career path and much of the energy was absorbed there. Then of course came Schlock Mercenary.

My point here is that Howard is always pursuing some goal. I love that about him. I resonate with it because I am the same way. So the question “Do you mind that Howard is working all the time?” is kind of moot. There is no choice between “busy” and “not-busy.” He is always going to be busy, it is more a question of what will occupy him. I love Schlock Mercenary because I get to participate. I can read scripts and sometimes help shape them. I can talk plot points and character arcs. I can dive in and do editing for the books. There are things I can do to be part of his dream. And in return he saves some of his energy and time to help me in pursuit of mine. The time he spends busy, or away at conventions, are just the price we pay for the dream.

Interestingly I’ve been asked the opposite of this question as well. “How do you stand having Howard home all the time?” This one is usually asked by other stay-at-home women. They run the household all day while the husband is at work and then when he comes home the day shifts into a different mode. The husband-at-home mode is either play time or project time, but either way it represents a different agenda than exists during the rest of the day. There are tasks which are saved for when the husband is available and tasks which must be accomplished before he comes home. Husband-at-home time requires more communication and co-operation which can be frustrating.

What day-job people often do not realize is that even though Howard is still in the house, he is very much at work. He disappears into his office for hours and I don’t see him unless I specifically need something from him. I run my things and he runs his, the only difference is that we bump into each other several times and exchange status reports. I still have tasks that require Howard to be available, they just aren’t lumped into a single block of time. Ditto with the tasks which must be done when he’s not around. Over the years we’ve developed a good working relationship and a whole pile of unwritten rules that make it all work.

I love having Howard work from home. I also understand his need to get out and socialize when he draws at Dragon’s Keep. I love the way that business and family curl around each other. Sometimes I am frustrated by the way that business and family get tangled up.

I think that what both of these questions tell me is that our way of life is out of the ordinary. Funny, to me it just feels normal.

Tomorrow morning at 7:45 Kiki will board the bus for her first day at Junior High. This is the 7th grade orientation day provided to give the new kids a chance to figure things out without 8th and 9th graders around. She claims not to be nervous. This is a good thing. I am nervous. I can tell because I keep wanting to corner Kiki and have talks about teasing and peer pressure and such. I’m restraining myself. I doubt she’ll encounter the worst that junior high has to offer on her first day there. There will be time to cover these subjects later. In fact, we’ve already covered most of these topics before. Me cornering her today will only pass my nervousness on to her without increasing her share of useful information. I need to let her be excited and cheerful. She’s either equipped to handle whatever Junior High throws her way, or she isn’t. I think she’ll be fine. She’s smart and pretty and confident. The winds of peer pressure seem to blow right over her without touching her in the slightest.

Tuesday morning at 8:00 Gleek will walk into her first grade classroom. At the same time Link will walk into his 4th grade classroom. 1st and 4th are both transition grades. The adjustments here are bigger. I think they are both ready. I think it will go well. A week from Tuesday at 9:30 Patches will be off for his first day of preschool.

All of my kids are setting out on voyages that they are variously prepared for. I hope none of them hit stormy weather before they get a chance to start sailing.

I’ve spent all day battling Entropy and Chaos by cleaning my house. Such a forward momentum assault always feels satisfying because Entropy and Chaos aren’t very confrontational. So I press forward and make a portion of my realm sparkle and shine. Then I turn and discover that while I was busy here, Entropy and Chaos have been hard at work over there. They aren’t much for confrontation, but they’re great at siege.

I’ve made some headway. I’m at least partially prepared for the onset of school next week. I’m not sure why the house has to be clean for me to feel prepared for school, but it does. Perhaps it is that the visual clutter is a constant reminder of things not-yet-done and thus creates mental clutter.

I’ve been working hard and have made several trips to the garbage can. It makes me really happy to throw bags of stuff away. Each bag of stuff in the garbage represents a bag of stuff that I’ll never have to clean up or take care of again. Items that are still usable get donated to a thrift store. Thrift store donation makes me even happier because I get the additional pleasure of knowing that something I donate may be helpful to someone else.

As much as I enjoy getting rid of stuff, you’d think my house would be less cluttered. Sigh.

I’m not such a big fan of scrubbing. I don’t mind doing the actual work, but it takes me so long to get around to it, that the job becomes huge. The bigger the job gets, the longer it takes me to get to it. It is a vicious circle. As a result nothing is ever as clean as I’d like it to be.

Break time is over. Back to battle with me.

Our plan is to have the layout work for the next Schlock book done by August 31st. That is two weeks from today. Crunch time.

Next week school begins. I’ve got to figure out how the days are going to run and to get back to managing homework and bedtimes. We all have to be getting up earlier, going to bed earlier, eating healthier. I also have to figure in the after school activities which are also starting up. This probably won’t feel settled for two weeks.

The observant will notice that the two weeks of supposed schedule settling, overlap the two weeks of schedule disrupting crunch time.

Add into the mix some financial stress, and a need to tighten up the budget, just to liven things up.

In the background looming are a couple of conventions, the chaos of book shipping, holiday book shipping, and the various holidays and birthdays themselves.