You aren’t supposed to notice your heartbeat. It is the fundamental rhythm of your life. When that steady beat comes to your attention, it is only because something has gone awry. Sometimes that “awry” is joyful, like the sudden jump in heart rate when that one special person notices you. Other times the “awry” is terrified, as in the thumping heart and adrenaline surge of a vehicular accident.
For the past month my heartbeat has occupied a significant portion of my attention. This is because it has begun, for no apparent reason, to trip over itself. I’ll be sitting at my computer and suddenly Thump THUMP with a succession of smaller beats as it finds a rhythm again. This has been worrisome, although the word “worrisome” completely understates the gamut of fear, hope, and denial I’ve felt over the past month. I hoped it was stress and would therefore go away. I hoped it was a thyroid imbalance and therefore easily fixable. I hoped many things. Mostly I hoped that it wasn’t a real sensation, that I was somehow making it up. The world is a very strange place when you spend time hoping you have a psychosomatic illness.
I’m not completely stupid. I’ve been to two different doctors over this. One did an EKG which was completely normal. The other did a thyroid test that was completely normal. The next step is to wear a heart monitor for a 24 hour period and hope to catch one of the thump events on tape. I’ve had the prescription for that sitting on my fridge for almost two weeks while I tried to pretend that I didn’t need to do it. In order for me to spend over $300 and 24 hours wired to a device, I have to admit that I believe there is something wrong. I twisted and turned a lot trying to not face it. This morning I finally called to schedule the heart monitor.
Because something is wrong.
And I don’t know what it is.
And that terrifies me.
I would be a lot more complacent right now if I could believe in the omniscience of doctors. But I’ve been through a medical ringer before and I remember how much of what they do is based on guess work. That’s probably when I figured out that my doctor is no smarter than I am. He just has a different education and experience set. This means that for ordinary illnesses I hardly need him at all. I can figure it out by myself. In fact I’m often better off managing things by myself because viruses don’t get better more quickly for having spent a $20 copay to identify them as viruses.
At the beginning of this thing I spent a lot of time with Dr. Google. That was where I learned that what I have are “palpitations.” I also learned that the shakiness and anxiety that accompany them are common. I’ve observed symptoms closely, trying to collect enough data to figure this thing out by myself. Stress, lack of sleep, and caffeine make the palpitations worse, exercise does not. Pretty much every source ended with telling me I should go see a doctor, but then so do the entries on sore throats.
I’m done trying to research and guess. I’m done hoping it will just go away. Tomorrow morning I go get wired.
I’ll be thinking of you, and hoping for a quick and easy solution to whatever it is causing it…
I’ll be thinking and praying for you.
BUT, what you describe sounds like something both my wife and I worried over on ourselves at different times in our lives. For me, it was early on in Marine Corps Boot Camp. I got the drill instructor to take me to the Aid Station, and I spent half a day hooked up to an EKG. The doctor pronounced me normal, but gave me a day of bed rest to keep the DIs off my back. I made it through the balance of Boot, infantry school, and eventually a deployment to Iraq without so much as a hiccup after that. I even ran a 9:55 1 1/2 mile a few weeks after my trip to the aid station, and a few weeks after that 21 minute 3 mile.
Earlier this year, when in the first trimester, my wife had something similar happen with her, and she went through your procedure–EKG, thyroid test, visit with a cardiologist and 24 hour heart monitor. All of it was normal. The cardiologist did see the blips, but told her its completely normal, same as the Navy surgeon told me years ago. I can’t remember the explanation at this time, but it’s fairly benign and fairly common. Not even as big a deal as a mitral valve prolapse, which is also incredibly common (but actually makes your heart *click*, which has to be weird).
Oh, and my wife has problems with anxiety which can exacerbate the condition and tended to get her into a sort of feedback loop. The Navy surgeon, years ago, told me that you can get into this vicious cycle where you happen to notice, then you worry about it and concentrate on your heartbeat, which makes it happen more and you notice it more easily, etc. etc. etc.
Anyway, we here know quite well how scary it can be. Hopefully it’s just as benign as it was for us.
Thank you very much for sharing this. It gives me hope. I would be very happy with a diagnosis of “you’re worrying about this too much.” Anxiety problems are no picnic to deal with, but I’ll take that over dropping dead from a heart defect.
Annell
We will be thinking and praying for you. Try to not worry about it(right! Like that will happen!) stressing about it won’t help. Warm wishes.
Worrying
I will be sure to pray for you. I am going to pray that it is nothing serious. And that if it is serious, the doctors will be able to identify the problem. I am going to pray that the tests will be accurate. And that if the results come back that everything is normal that you will have peace and assurance that that diagnosis is correct. I know that He will hold you in the hollow of His hand and be with you. Remember that no matter what the results of this test is, you will not have wasted the money spent on it. Knowing what is wrong or peace of mind is important.
My mother-in-law says that every so often her heart skips a beat. The doctors have diagnosed it as an irregular heartbeat. They say that one beat actually comes early and then there is a longer pause before the next one which makes her think that she has skipped a beat.
Re: Worrying
Hmm. It could be hereditary then.
It occurs to me now that it probably would have been a good idea to call you with this rather than letting you read about it on livejournal. But I hate calling and making people worry over something that is probably nothing serious.
I’ve always had an “irregular heartbeat” or whatever. Every so often my heartbeat gets off, and then gets itself back on again. I only notice if I’m paying attention. I’ve never had it checked out, because I figure if it hasn’t killed me in 25 years, it really can’t be all that dangerous.
But it would be scary to have it come out of nowhere. Heart palpitations are a symptom of anxiety, but you don’t have any more anxiety now than you have at other times, right?
Bodies are weird things, though. Usually when they do quirky things, it doesn’t mean anything’s wrong. I hope that’s the case this time.
because I figure if it hasn’t killed me in 25 years, it really can’t be all that dangerous
I hope that everything works out for the best. I think you’ve made the right decision.
This happens to me too. Has been, for years. As you say, stress and caffiene and anxiety make it worse. (I’ve found stress to be cumulative. I could take a lot of stress and bounce back, and then one day, no more bounce.) I did the whole EKG etc gamut of tests, certain I was dying, and nope, my heart’s fine. I’m glad I did the tests, though; it was worth it to find out that there really is nothing wrong.
Yeep! Hope it turns out to be minor and easily fixed. O_O
>The world is a very strange place when you spend time hoping you have a psychosomatic illness.
Ok, I know this is a serious post, but this line made me smile. It ought to be in a Quote-of-the-Day rotator somewhere…
Re: Worrying
Interesting that genetics has come into the discussion.
I had heart palpitations with every pregnancy. All the books say they’re normal during pregnancy, so I never worried about it.
Far more disturbing was the weird apnea where my body would apparently forget to breathe while I was falling asleep. I’d often go for several seconds without inhaling before the failsafe kicked in and I came awake enough to draw breath manually.
If there is one thing I have learned from being married to Howard, it is how important laughter is when in the midst of serious things. I’m glad the line made you smile. It made me smile too.