On my kitchen wall I keep the family calendar. It is where I coordinate all the events of our lives so that I don’t forget any of them. Each family member has a different color of pen, so I can tell at a glance who is affected by the note. For the past month all of the days have been filled with rainbow scrawls written in tiny letters to fit around the other things. For the past month there has not been a single day with nothing written on it.
I also have a planner. It is correlated with the calendar on the wall. In the planner is the minutiae of task lists and errands and chores. All the events from the calendar are there, along with reminders to do laundry and visit the post office. Each day gets a whole page of the planner. For the past month all of the days have been filled with notes and lists to check off. Each day I check of 3/4 of the things on the list. Then I turn the page and transfer the incomplete things onto the next page. The next page is usually already full and the incomplete tasks have to squeeze around the things already there. None of the past month’s pages are empty.
For the past month my life has had no spaces. We run from busy task-filled weeks, into busy event-filled weekends. There have been few spaces to pause, take stock, and breathe. The one exception is the retreat I did last weekend. It made me realize what I have been missing. I’ve been missing days, hours that have no check boxes associated with them. I’ve been missing doing things just because I want to rather than because they need done.
My state of mind was clearly illustrated by my computer desktop. I’m in the habit of leaving things I’ll need around the edges of the screen. It keeps them where I will not forget them. But the shortcuts and files and folders begin to accumulate and the space in the center gets smaller and smaller. This also manifests in my house which has been accumulating clutter. I have not had the space to look around and see what needs done. Things only get done if they are on the To Do list. And even if they’re on the To Do list, they only get done if they manage to seem more important than everything else there. Things like sorting the non-legos out of the lego bin don’t even register as important until the bin is so choked with toys that the kids haven’t been able to use it for weeks.
My retreat and this week have made me realize that I need to defend the blank spaces on my calendar with vigor. Next month has lots of empty days. I really need to keep some of them empty. I need to make sure that each day has an hour where I’m not required to be efficient. One hour out of the day where I can do something that is not in my planner or on the calendar.
I need to make space in my life.
I probably drive you crazy with my comments, but I just have to say thank you for writing so clearly what I’ve been feeling without being able to articulate it. I am always leaving what I call “triggers” to help me remember what to do. Those “needed things” around the edges of the computer screen (I laughed when I saw that because it drives my husband crazy when I do that) and the things I leave out to remind me end up turning into piles and get overwhelming at times. Last week I had five days away from home and children that I don’t think I’ve ever had since my nearly eighteen year old was born. Much needed. I didn’t need to write my long lists of things to do the entire week. Last night I was planning my week and dreaded writing down all of the things I need to accomplish. But I took a deep breath and went ahead and wrote it all down. I needed to empty out my head and see on paper what is weighing on my mind. I need to make sure and schedule blank spaces. And even more than that I need to keep from feeling guilty for needing the blank spaces. But it’s like re-charging our batteries. Necessary. I hope your week goes well. 🙂
Your comments don’t drive me crazy. The opposite in fact. Sometimes I throw these blogs out into the ether and the lack of response leaves me wondering if it matters to anyone but me. So feel free to comment all you want.
You’ve just helped me identify why clutter bothers me so much. It tugs at my attention. Obviously these things are laying around because I’m supposed to do something with them. When I clear away the clutter I can see what I actually need to do and I feel much better.
I did it this weekend. I cleared a space. Even though I really DID want to go out with Ross to a Halloween Party for adults, Even though I really DID want to go check out the Gold and Green Ball at the church and dance at least once with Ross…BUT, I NEEDED quiet time, I NEEDED to rest. WE NEEDED quiet, restful time alone at home as a family.
It was okay to NOT go to a halloween party and it was Okay to NOT go to a Ball at the church… and it was very good to stay home and be quiet.
Ross and I DID get to go to the grocery store by ourselves. and watch a movie together later 🙂 as close to a date as we get these days. 🙂
It was a little hard because I really did WANT to do those fun things… but, I’m glad I didn’t.
Good luck with your space finding and keeping. 🙂 it’s hard!