After the crowd
Sandra Boynton has a counting book. It counts up from “1 is good for a quiet walk” all they way to “10 makes a celebration loud LOUD LOUD!” The book does not end at 10. The next page is mostly white space with a little cat sitting in the middle of the strewn confetti from the prior page’s celebration. With the cat are the words “and 1 is wonderful after the crowd.” I feel like that cat right now. She too enjoyed the party while it occurred, but is now glad to have the silence that comes after.
I came home to a house cleaner than when I left and children fast asleep. I paid the babysitter extra for this miracle. There is calm and silence for what feels like the first time in weeks. Now I can look out at the snow and not have to go out in it. Even more than the crowd of people, I am finally done with my crowded thoughts. I don’t have to juggle or shift or plan for tomorrow. I no longer have a box full of stress sitting in my office. I can finally sit and sort through all the thoughts that have been shoved to the back of my brain because I was too busy for them. The back of my brain has become quite crowded. It will be nice to disperse that crowd too.
I am so tired. I should sleep. But if I sleep, then I will wake up to kids who need food. There will be Things To Do again. I’m reluctant to let go this moment of silence and calm even for sleep.