Today I scooped Gleek into my lap for a snuggle and she stayed in my lap. Usually these random snuggles are met by squirms to get free and run back to what she was doing. Sometimes I get a few minutes of snuggle time before she is off and running again. Today she stayed in my lap for an hour. I’m glad I had the quiet afternoon hour to spend. We talked some about her nightmare last night. She’s been having frequent nightmares lately. I always treat nightmares as red flags. They usually mean that something is unsettling or worrying the child during the day time hours. Sometimes the connection is easy to see, like a nightmare about skeletons after watching Pirates of the Carribean. Other times the imagery of the dream is not diagnostic and I just have to listen to the shape of the dream to see if I can make connections. I love it when I can find the source of the frightening emotions and dispell it.
Today it was not so simple. It took a lot of questions to pull the content of the dream out of Gleek. She had trouble putting it into words. But the fact that she stayed in my lap and continued to remain focused on the conversation demonstrates the level of import these dreams carry for her. In the end I think her dreams are about safety and security. She had to defend herself in the dreams because no one would help her. In classic nightmare form, her efforts to defend herself were insufficient. I think that the answer is more security and affirmation from her family. I need to spend more time snuggling her, talking to her, being there for her. I also need to figure out ways to encourage Kiki to be kinder to Gleek. Kiki constantly treats Gleek like an annoyance which is barely tolerated. I know this is typical behavior for an older sibling to a younger one, but it breaks my heart to see it. Gleek is hurt and Kiki is full of negative emotions and their relationship could be so much better than that. Perhaps I need to make Kiki write lists of nice things about Gleek. That worked before when they were younger.
After the talk about dreams, Gleek wanted to talk about mummies. So we pulled out a book on mummies and read through it. Gleek is like a little sponge soaking up knowledge. I need to read more non-fiction books to her. The talking is good for us both. Even after the book was done, Gleek lingered in my lap. She’d had an hour of mommy all to herself and was loath to have it end. But it could not last forever. Patches and Kiki both arrived simultaneously with requests. The hour was done. Somehow I do not think it a coincidence that Gleek was not fearful at bedtime tonight. I don’t know if I can give her a solo hour out of every day, but I can certainly give her more than I have been doing. She needs the snuggles and attention even if she doesn’t always want to sit still for them.
been there- from backyard neighbor
I am not an expert at childrearing but the thought just occurred to me: does Kiki get “snuggle time”? It’s true that she may be too big to fit in your lap but teenagers need snuggies, too.
When our oldest son was born, our daughter treated him like a wart on the bottom of her foot. We went through years where he was snubbed and shoved. When she did this, I wanted to run to his rescue and scold my daughter. However, over time, I realized that this was her way of saying “he stole my mom.” We started planning more Mommy time together and I noticed that (over along period) I had to yell less and they have become friends because they don’t feel like they have to compete for my attention.
Maybe this doesn’t apply to your situation. I just wanted to share something that helped me.
P.S. I feel weird talking to you on the computer. I need to trudge through the snow to see you more often. I miss our chats. 🙂
Re: been there- from backyard neighbor
I miss the chats too. That path through the yard goes both ways. I’ve been letting the cold keep me too housebound.
(Good suggestions on Kiki. I’ll have to ponder on them.)