A summarized conversation with an upset almost-teen
Kiki: (crying and holding her clarinet) Mom. I need help!
Me: Okay. What do you need help with?
K: I’m trying to play this song and it just won’t work!
M: What do you need me to do?
K: I don’t know! I just need help!
M: I need more information so I can figure out how to help you.
K: Why aren’t you helping me?! I need help!
M: Do you need me to come listen while you play?
K: That’s what I’ve been trying to get you to do!
M: Next time please say “mom come listen to me” so I know what you need.
K: (stomps downstairs, makes squeaky noises with the clarinet, then dissolves into tears.) See! I need help!
M: I can’t help you with Clarinet. You know more about it than I do.
K: But I need help!
M: We’ve identified that you need help and that I can’t help. Who else can help you?
K: I don’t know! No one! I’m just going to fail!
M: What about your clarinet teacher?
K: He’s so busy. I don’t want to bother him.
M: He’s paid to teach you and would be delighted to help a student who is actually interested in learning after spending all day trying to teach kids who don’t care.
K: (silence)
M: Put your clarinet away. We’ll worry about this tomorrow.
K: (puts clarinet away and gives me the cold shoulder as she goes past.)
The really sad thing is that I’ve had similarly irrational conversations within the past week or two, only I was doing the part Kiki took tonight. She’s irrational because she’s over tired, her neck is out of joint, and clarinet is not an activity she enjoys. She’ll get some sleep and when she wakes up she’ll find her own solution to the problem because she is incredibly smart and capable when she is thinking clearly. I’m just glad that the conversation did not escalate into an all-out fight because I’m not exactly at my best this evening either.