Kiki: (crying and holding her clarinet) Mom. I need help!
Me: Okay. What do you need help with?
K: I’m trying to play this song and it just won’t work!
M: What do you need me to do?
K: I don’t know! I just need help!
M: I need more information so I can figure out how to help you.
K: Why aren’t you helping me?! I need help!
M: Do you need me to come listen while you play?
K: That’s what I’ve been trying to get you to do!
M: Next time please say “mom come listen to me” so I know what you need.
K: (stomps downstairs, makes squeaky noises with the clarinet, then dissolves into tears.) See! I need help!
M: I can’t help you with Clarinet. You know more about it than I do.
K: But I need help!
M: We’ve identified that you need help and that I can’t help. Who else can help you?
K: I don’t know! No one! I’m just going to fail!
M: What about your clarinet teacher?
K: He’s so busy. I don’t want to bother him.
M: He’s paid to teach you and would be delighted to help a student who is actually interested in learning after spending all day trying to teach kids who don’t care.
K: (silence)
M: Put your clarinet away. We’ll worry about this tomorrow.
K: (puts clarinet away and gives me the cold shoulder as she goes past.)
The really sad thing is that I’ve had similarly irrational conversations within the past week or two, only I was doing the part Kiki took tonight. She’s irrational because she’s over tired, her neck is out of joint, and clarinet is not an activity she enjoys. She’ll get some sleep and when she wakes up she’ll find her own solution to the problem because she is incredibly smart and capable when she is thinking clearly. I’m just glad that the conversation did not escalate into an all-out fight because I’m not exactly at my best this evening either.
Does her teacher only teach her at school, or does he also give private lessons?
(You probably don’t know this, but I’ve given clarinet lessons for years, and have been playing it since I was 8 – I might be able to help her?)
She’s right about the same age I was where I kept getting frustrated that my fingers and mouth couldn’t keep up with my mind when I was practicing.
She might possibly need a harder reed, if she’s constantly squeaking, when she hadn’t been before (as a result of learning to blow harder, it often makes a softer reed pop and squawk).
irrational…
My daughter just can’t seem to get it that I :
a. am Older than her. (sheesh! by 31 years!)
b. have lived longer than her and I have experienced many, many, many things that she hasn’t.
c. Actually REALLY Do know things better than her, and know things that she doesn’t know… because I watch the news, and read and have been learning my whole life…
THAT’S why!
d. When I tell her she’s right, it’s often because I just plain give up and don’t want to argue anymore.
( too bad I can’t remember the hilarious things we’ve argued over and I’ve given up being right on…)
aaand often we both just need some quiet, alone time… in order to calm down and return to our sanities.
I’m in trouble aren’t I ? If we are already butting heads?
…thinking…
I’m not ready for a teenager! I didn’t get teenagers when I WAS a teenager! They seem like giggly crazy aliens to me!
Oh no! I already have a preteen! It’s coming!
It’s COMING!
(sorry, small freak out… I’m okay now. 🙂
Clarinet Sister!
Hey! Something we have in common!
Except, I haven’t played Clarinet for .. oh, 17 years… since College…sniff!
I own a clarinet. My fingers remember what to do. But, I have most definitely lost my “chops” and lung capacity.
How cool for you to keep it up and give lessons!
I guess I swapped my Clarinet and Piano knowledge for Crochet knowledge.
Thank you very much for the information about the reeds. I told it to Kiki and she lit up like I’d just explained everything.
So do you still give Clarinet lessons? Kiki may want to take private lessons next fall rather than taking it as part of school. I’d be interested to know what you charge and whether you’re willing to take on another student come Fall.
Re: Clarinet Sister!
I’m jealous of anyone with piano knowledge – I begged for piano lessons as a kid, but we couldn’t afford private lessons. I’m actually looking at trading voice lessons for piano lessons with a girl in my ward!
And I bet if you went and picked up some size 2 reeds, you could work your chops back up!
I am the same way with bassoon, though – I know what to do, and how to play it, but we had to sell mine to afford the hospital bills after having my son, so I haven’t played one in 4 years.
I do still give lessons – I’d taken a bit of time off while my kids were younger, but I’m just starting to take new students over the summer. So far I actually only have one voice student (I do voice, clarinet, and saxophone lessons), but mostly only because I’m not advertising yet.
I charge $10 for an hour lesson, once a week, pretty standard. I usually do lessons from my home, just because I have to keep my babies nearby!(Though if she preferred to do them at your place, and you didn’t mind my babies coming to play, I could do it there as well). I’m willing to do as many lessons a week as a kid is interested in, but most of the kids I’ve taught in the past do Scouts and soccer and dance etcetc and so once a week is usually all they can cram in.
I remember when I was younger – every time I moved up a reed size, it was like a rite of passage! My teacher made it a big deal, to let us know that it was because we were getting stronger and better, and that it was a good thing! I remember thinking I was so awesome because I could play a 4.5 reed on the tenor sax (that’s one of the biggest, hardest reeds out there. Yes, I was crazy! I play on a 3.5 now.)
Oh yes, and you are absolutely right that her teacher would be THRILLED to have a kid coming to him who wants to learn more – when I was working with kids at my old high school (before I moved to Utah), I led the woodwind lessons, and it was a big fat painful struggle to get most of those kids to do their bare minimum. In 2 years, I had one boy come to me wanting to learn more, and he was just this awesome eager kid who wanted to learn to play piccolo (he already played flute). Teaching him for just a little bit each week was so much more fun than running all the other kids through drills and scales, and so much more rewarding, because I could tell he was there because he wanted to know more, he had that musical hunger. Most of the other kids were there because of mom and dad, or they heard band was an easy A (hah!).
Once per week would be about all we could manage. I’m still not sure whether we’re going to go the private lesson route with Kiki’s clarinet. I’ll be in touch if we do.
Thanks for the help and encouragement. 🙂