Day: July 10, 2008

Howard has been incredibly stressed this week. Last night he was stressed to near incapacity. So many things were pressing on his mind that he couldn’t see how to get any of them done. He took a few minutes to write them all on a list. I’d been hovering nearby, hoping to be able to help. I peeked at the list. He’d written it in four columns. One column was the list of tasks. The other three were labeled “big,” “important,” and “now.” Each listed task got check marks in the other columns. It warmed my heart to see that the only task that was checked as big, important, to be done now, was “Daddy Daughter campout.”

Howard was still stressed this morning. When Howard is stressed, I am compelled to do something to make life easier for him. It is my nature to do things for people I love. I was prepared to take his list and arbitrarily knock items off of it so that he did not have to worry about them anymore. Part of me wanted to knock the Daddy Daughter campout off the list. It is a church arranged night at a campground. There are activities for kids, and breakfast is provided. It is a happy thing to do, Gleek is really looking forward to it. Kiki is less enthusiastic. I was less enthusiastic. There is so much work involved in prepping for a camping trip. Surely Howard and the girls could do some other activity instead and have it be just as good? Then I remembered Howard’s list. There is something about camping that is different than other bonding activities. It forces everyone to really unplug from regular life and pay attention to different things.

I realized that I could push for a cancellation of the campout, but Howard would feel guilty, I would feel guilty, and Gleek would feel sad. Not a good choice. Instead I turned around the other way and turned into campout facilitator. I made the girls help me get out the tent and taught them how to set it up. I inflated our air mattresses inside the tent to make sure they would both fit. I went and bought an adapter so that Howard can use electricity from the car to run the pump that inflates the mattresses. I bought all the food necessary to cook dinner at the campout. I bought batteries and checked flashlights. Tomorrow I’ll throw myself into food preparation and packing up the van so that they can go. I’m taking all the workish bits so that Howard and the girls can just jump in the car to leave and have fun. It will be good for them all and I think they will be glad they went.

I sat snuggled on the couch with Gleek and Patch on either side while Maria twirled on the screen singing about the hills. My eyes filled with tears as my ears filled with the familiar tunes. Some movies only get better with age. We watched the whole film together. Kiki and Link watched too. I saw the film anew through the eyes of my children. I watched Maria dance and play on the screen and realized that I’ve done far too little playing lately. I heard the nuns singing about the problems with Maria and I glanced over at Gleek, who is perfectly described by the song as well. I leaned over and whispered to the kids about Germany and Austria and what “Anschluss” meant. After the movie was over we all sat around and discussed what parts of the movie were true and which were made up. We talked about Hitler, and Nazis, and why they were bad. The next day Kiki watched the movie again on my mini player. She was drawn to the songs, wanting to learn them so that she could sing them. For me the songs tapped into a well of memory. I sang them over and over again during my childhood years. I sang them with my sisters in harmony. I sang them to our pet duck, who was a surprisingly attentive music audience. I sang them on swings and in parks. Now I want to sing them all again. I want to take all the kids on a picnic and run around laughing and singing. After some thought I realized it is not merely the music that draws me, it is the joy. Despite taking place in dark times, The Sound of Music is a joyful film. The joy is what I long to have, whether or not it is accompanied by singing. I can consciously create that joy by loving my life for the good in it no matter what other circumstances there may be.

The movie had to go back to Netflix. This is all right. I can rent it again sometime. The memories it brought back and the new memories made, I get to keep forever.