Howard frequently brings things home from conventions. Some things are free, others we pay for. Some things I’m excited about. Some I’m indifferent to. And then there was the sock doll zombie. Howard thought the zombie was very cool and clever. He bought it and brought it home to share.
I have a thing about zombies. They are just wrong. And creepy. And gooey. I think my reaction to all things zombie has to do with my inability to disconnect the subconscious sympathy I have for wounds. Zombies always have wounds and part of my brain can’t stop staring and thinking “Look at that! His arm is falling off. Ouch. Ow. Ow. Ow. Don’t let that happen to my arm. Better tuck the arms closer in. Ick! That one has a big hole in her head. Ouch. Ow. Ow. Ow. Better bring my head in closer too. Just to be sure.” And so part of my brain tries to get me to curl up into a ball to protect my various limbs. Another part of my brain is arguing that zombies are fiction and I shouldn’t take this so seriously. A completely non-verbal part of my brain processes the fact that I seem to have actual twinges of phantom pain radiating from the same places on my body as the wounds of the zombie. It is all very dissonant and fairly unpleasant, so I avoid all things zombie.
Then there was the sock doll. It was definitely a zombie complete with mottled green skin and wounds that made me twinge. Yet it was still somehow…cute. It was cute and zombie. My head fairly filled with dissonances while I looked at it. So I stopped looking at it. Which was difficult because Howard was showing it to Kiki. They both found it very funny watching me flinch if the doll got too close to me. I’m afraid I disappointed Howard because I could not like his cute little stuffed zombie. In fact I did not want it where I might accidentally see it. So Howard took his zombie to Dragon’s Keep to be properly appreciated. I thought that was the end of it.
Today I was vanless because of repairs, but I needed to have a vehicle. So I drove Howard down to Dragon’s Keep. Patch had to come along with us. As we were packing everything into the car, Howard tossed the Zombie doll from the trunk into the back seat. I paid no attention until half way to Dragon’s Keep when Howard and I became aware that Patch had developed a whole game of beating up this zombie doll. Then Patch tossed the doll over the back of the seat because he was done with it. Again I thought we were done, until Patch asked for a retrieval of the doll for the return trip. Then when we came home, Patch did not want to leave the zombie in the car. In fact the thought of abandoning the poor zombie in the car had Patch nigh on to tears.
“What are you going to do with the zombie?” I asked, picturing myself explaining to friends of parents why my son is playing with a zombie.
“I’ll just put him on Daddy’s bed.”
So the zombie came into the house and was deposited on “Daddy’s bed” which is also MY bed. I was very careful not to look at the doll. If I don’t look, the dissonances stay away. But there was a zombie lurking in my room. All afternoon.
Then at bedtime Kiki decided to read while laying on my bed. She found the zombie and gave it back to Patch. I think she didn’t want it looking at her while she read. Patch hugged the zombie close and took him to bed. But I think that Patch was not entirely comfortable with the zombie either, because after a few minutes he got back out of bed. He carried the little zombie over to me and shoved it right up against my face.
“What are you doing?” I tried not to yelp the words, not sure if I succeeded.
“He likes you.” Patch assured me. “He wants to be with you.” I looked at the boy, who was adorable. I tried not to look at the zombie, even though it was cute. Then I let the boy sit the zombie next to me before he trotted back to bed. The moment Patch turned to walk away, I picked up the zombie and put it face down so that it would stop looking at me.
So I’m sitting here, next to a zombie doll, blogging. This is not what I expected when I signed up for the mother gig.
LOL! The whole story had me laughing the whole way through. Poor zombie, getting no love. (Though honestly, I kind of mentally cringed with you at the wound thing. Ew!)
ROFLATSOMEP
(rolls on floor laughing at the success of my evil plan)
Fie on you and your sock doll zombie!
*shakes fist*
Cease discrimination against the living-disabled!
I am dying to see a picture! ~Wendy
I have an Ebola plushie that I adore and even have a theme song for, but a sock zombie would be beyond my limit to handle. I find that old time favorite sock monkey doll creepy enough and I have your reaction to zombies too. I’m afraid I would have to burn or bury a sock zombie – or burn and bury it – and cover the ashes with garlic powder and colloidal silver.
Howard is lucky you love him enough to put up with such torture.
Here’s a picture of several sock zombies.
Mine isn’t shown, but it’s very similar.
Howard’s zombie is both cuter and more disturbing than the dolls pictured.
*shudder*
I feel sorry for the zombie too. But then I’m creeped out and so I have to make it face away from me again. But then I feel sorry for it because it is cute …
*pokes Howard*
See? Mamaslyth says you’re lucky to have me.
That’s hysterical. Poor Sandra. Bury the poor creature just to see which one of your darling family digs it up again and presents it to you.
Ummm… She is the woman who birthed your children…
Are you sure it is entirely wise to raise her ire? 🙂
I’m sorry, Sandra…
I shouldn’t laugh, I know that…
But goodness I find it all quite funny… Will Doll Zombie be at the next shipping party? 🙂
*raises hand* Second this proposal! All in favor?
Psh. Right. Bury a ZOMBIE doll. Don’t you know anything about zombies?
😉
You realize that come the next shipping party, we are doomed, yes?
Thank you! I desperately wanted a visual reference on the sock doll zombie.
Oh … um … I’m sorry.
(And now I find I still wish I could see *your* sock doll zombie. O_O )
Ha!
…that’s a lot more zombies than usual…
The problem with posting a picture of the zombie is then it will be lurking in my journal archive as well as in my house.
The other problem is that as soon as everyone knows exactly what it looks like they then can start thinking “all this fuss over that? What’s the big deal?”
Also the zombie you’re imagining is probably better/creepier/cuter than the actual zombie.
…but I might post a picture anyway. We’ll see.
It currently resides in the cupboard next to Howard’s side of the bed. The cupboard doors are shut and the kids are not supposed to get into that cupboard.
…I’m betting that within a week a child will find the zombie and give it back to me.
This is Roster007
I have to say that because of my Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia I have become very fond of sloths. AND after last Halloween when SoccerGirl drew a zombie girl who looked a lot like me, I started feeling a kinship with zombies. (Imagine me shuffling around the house, moaning and groaning. lol)
I LOVE Shaun of the Dead (when it’s on t.v. and the t.v. edits the swears… and it balances zombies with humor) but, I watched a zombie story on that Fear t.v. show and it WAS DISTURBING! The girl THOUGHT she was the only one that was okay and in the end it turned out that she was ACTUALLY the zombie! ew!
so, sorry, I guess I’m not as grossed out by zombies… those dolls were really cute! (you can send it to me. : ) It’s just those CLOWNS that I can’t take!!!! ew! Shudder!
-Roster007
*thwap*
*thwap*
Help help! Come see the violence inherent in the system!
We’re being repressed!
Sprinkle it with salt 🙂 At least if classic zombie stories are accurate.
I suppose those don’t look too bad. And Sandra’s right, what I was imagining was far more intense than those shown.
Still don’t like the sock monkeys though.