Vandalism and choices
Last night the paint on my car was scratched with something sharp. This was done while my car was sitting in my driveway. It was not an accidental scrape. It is hard to accidentally scratch the F-bomb on the side of a vehicle. It is also hard to accidentally hash mark the hood so it looks similar to a game of tic tac toe. I suspect this vandalism is related to the fact that we recently locked our gate, thus forcing teens to hop the fence if they want to cut through our yard. We had to lock the gate so that my back yard neighbor’s toddler wouldn’t wander through the gate that was consistently left open. I even put up a sign apologizing for the necessity of locking the gate.
Now Howard and I are left with a choice. How do we act in response to the damage that was done to us? We know who tends to travel through our yard. Of the travelers we have ideas about who would do this kind of damage. But we have no proof. Innocent until proven guilty. And our suspicions could be wrong. Sometimes “nice” boys do really stupid things.
I’ve thought much today about the bishop in Les Miserables. The bishop took in Jean Val Jean and fed him. When Jean Val Jean responded by stealing the silver, the bishop did not punish him. Instead the bishop also gave Jean Val Jean the silver candlesticks. That act of kindness changed Jean Val Jean forever. I could act as the bishop did. I could return kindness for malice. A neighbor fixed the gate for me today. Now it will swing shut and latch instead of bouncing back open. This means I no longer need to lock the gate. But I have to wonder if rewarding vandalism with unimpeded passage through my yard teaches the wrong lesson. Perhaps in doing so, I am merely teaching a young and impressionable person that damaging property is an effective way to get what he wants. Perhaps the right answer is to lock the gate permanently and request that kids stop traipsing through my yard. The “one idiot ruined this for everyone” principle. But I don’t want to have to enforce that. I like good relations with my neighbors. I like most of the kids I see traipsing through my yard.
I have thought of calling the police, but that seems futile. They have much more important crimes to pursue and they’re unlikely to be able to find out who did it. I have thought of approaching the parents of the kids who generally travel my yard, not with the intention to accuse, but with a request that they help me seek the truth. But even worded carefully my request could be taken for an accusation. I don’t want to start a feud. I also do not want to start a witch hunt or a big neighborhood drama. And yet, I worry about the vandal if his damage passes without consequence. It is much better for children to learn consequences on small violations instead of large ones. On the other hand, perhaps a neighborhood drama is the only way this vandal will hear about the negative consequences of his act. Perhaps the witch hunt is necessary to create an awareness of guilt.
In the end my choices come down to who I want to be. Do I want to be a seeker of justice? Do I want to be a giver of mercy? Do I choose my actions because I fear the vandal might strike again if I anger him? Do I harbor anger, seeking vengeance and reparation for the damage that was done? I’ve figured out that vengeance does not interest me. I don’t need to punish. But somewhere out there is a boy who knows what he has done and either feels guilty or doesn’t even care. That boy needs to learn from this experience. He needs to learn why we do not damage the property of others just because we feel like it. I just wish I knew the best way to make sure that lesson gets learned.