Last night the paint on my car was scratched with something sharp. This was done while my car was sitting in my driveway. It was not an accidental scrape. It is hard to accidentally scratch the F-bomb on the side of a vehicle. It is also hard to accidentally hash mark the hood so it looks similar to a game of tic tac toe. I suspect this vandalism is related to the fact that we recently locked our gate, thus forcing teens to hop the fence if they want to cut through our yard. We had to lock the gate so that my back yard neighbor’s toddler wouldn’t wander through the gate that was consistently left open. I even put up a sign apologizing for the necessity of locking the gate.
Now Howard and I are left with a choice. How do we act in response to the damage that was done to us? We know who tends to travel through our yard. Of the travelers we have ideas about who would do this kind of damage. But we have no proof. Innocent until proven guilty. And our suspicions could be wrong. Sometimes “nice” boys do really stupid things.
I’ve thought much today about the bishop in Les Miserables. The bishop took in Jean Val Jean and fed him. When Jean Val Jean responded by stealing the silver, the bishop did not punish him. Instead the bishop also gave Jean Val Jean the silver candlesticks. That act of kindness changed Jean Val Jean forever. I could act as the bishop did. I could return kindness for malice. A neighbor fixed the gate for me today. Now it will swing shut and latch instead of bouncing back open. This means I no longer need to lock the gate. But I have to wonder if rewarding vandalism with unimpeded passage through my yard teaches the wrong lesson. Perhaps in doing so, I am merely teaching a young and impressionable person that damaging property is an effective way to get what he wants. Perhaps the right answer is to lock the gate permanently and request that kids stop traipsing through my yard. The “one idiot ruined this for everyone” principle. But I don’t want to have to enforce that. I like good relations with my neighbors. I like most of the kids I see traipsing through my yard.
I have thought of calling the police, but that seems futile. They have much more important crimes to pursue and they’re unlikely to be able to find out who did it. I have thought of approaching the parents of the kids who generally travel my yard, not with the intention to accuse, but with a request that they help me seek the truth. But even worded carefully my request could be taken for an accusation. I don’t want to start a feud. I also do not want to start a witch hunt or a big neighborhood drama. And yet, I worry about the vandal if his damage passes without consequence. It is much better for children to learn consequences on small violations instead of large ones. On the other hand, perhaps a neighborhood drama is the only way this vandal will hear about the negative consequences of his act. Perhaps the witch hunt is necessary to create an awareness of guilt.
In the end my choices come down to who I want to be. Do I want to be a seeker of justice? Do I want to be a giver of mercy? Do I choose my actions because I fear the vandal might strike again if I anger him? Do I harbor anger, seeking vengeance and reparation for the damage that was done? I’ve figured out that vengeance does not interest me. I don’t need to punish. But somewhere out there is a boy who knows what he has done and either feels guilty or doesn’t even care. That boy needs to learn from this experience. He needs to learn why we do not damage the property of others just because we feel like it. I just wish I knew the best way to make sure that lesson gets learned.
A note on mercy and Forgiveness
Both are wonderful things, but we are only human. I have in the past had vandalism occur and reacted by baiting the vandals. I placed a cheap easy to break item in close proximity to that which seemed to trigger the vandal, then watched from afar.
In my case I used camo and a spare treestand as it was a wooded area with folks tearing up a camping area because we put up a cable gate to keep folks from pulling in and parking on our private access road.
In your case a camera in a window, or just a char near a window and some time one eve may suffice now that school is back in session, thus limiting the time on the hands of youngsters who may have a malevolent streak. We used some glass water jugs that looked easy to break as a low hanging fruit. It can be as easy as seeing how walks up and looks at the sign vrs walks up and trys to force the lock on the gate.
If you’re expecting a level of enlightenment like Jean Valjean, you have to predicate a level of self-awareness not common amongst teenagers. The chance for redemption is the exception to the rule: it is the substitution of mercy for justice when the lesson is already learned. Knowing nothing of the circumstances other than what is described herein, I think I would be hard pressed to ascribe that level of maturity to the vandal in question.
Lock the friggin’ gate.
The boy knows and will take those thoughts until his memoirs, aged 50+.
Lock the gate *now*.
I wouldn’t lock the gate, personally.
I’d leave a sign on the car. Nothing rude or offensive, just a note saying that it wasn’t a very nice thing to do, scratching the car.
It probably won’t make a difference. But it might, and “might” is generally as accurate as we can get in this world.
I believe you may need a police report to have insurance cover the repair. Other than that, a reason to report it to the police would be to prevent a pattern and/or to document if there was to be a repeat offense. The mercy part is being kind when you deal with the guilty party. I believe I would show more mercy if he came to me and admit his guilt. That isn’t very likely. Do you know the parents of those you believe did it? I guess there are a lot of “what ifs”. I’m interested to know how you decide to handle it and what the outcome it. I’m sorry this happened. 🙁
Depending on your insurance policy and whether or not you have comprehensive coverage on that vehicle, calogipi may be right. My department handles hundreds of vandalism claims per year, and we ask for police reports for every single one.
This doesn’t help with your overall problem, but at least it may take some of the difficulty of the choice of procedure out of your hands. (Of course, it also may not — in most of the claims we handle, we get police reports but the police decline to investigate.)
Re: I wouldn’t lock the gate, personally.
nor me, I think. I like the note idea. Something along the lines of “what would you feel like if something you value was spoiled?”
Sadly, there’re kids around who think this is “cool”. a chap I know had the same done to his car recently. One thing to note: unless the damage affects some kind of warranty, it’s not worth repairing it; once it’s scratched, it’s unlikely to be done again, but if it’s newly repainted and shiny…
The only way you’ll find out who is with concealed video surveillance, but that’s something you may not be happy with.
Re: A note on mercy and Forgiveness
I suspect this is a single strike vandal. We don’t have a big problem with vandalism in our neighborhood, so I don’t think it will be repeated. If it is, then I’ll look into placing a camera.
You’re right. The substitution of mercy for justice is most effective when the person is really facing justice. In this case the vandal is not facing justice because no one knows who did it. However, the Bishop did not give the candlesticks with the intent to change Jean Val Jean. The Bishop gave the candlesticks because he saw within himself that desire to retain the silver was pulling him further from his own Christian ideals. The Bishop gave away his prized possession to define himself not to change someone else. The fact that Jean Val Jean was changed was a bonus. Similarly, I must choose my actions based on who I want to be, not with the expectation that my actions will change someone else.
Locking the gate makes sense if giving consequences is the only consideration. But locking the gate inconveniences me personally. I don’t want to have to unlock my gate every time I want to go from my front yard to the back yard. Also I can’t reach the lock from the back yard, so then I have to traipse through the house to unlock the gate. Every time I’m annoyed by the locked gate, I will think of the vandal and be angry again. I don’t think I want to do that to myself. If it didn’t cause trouble for me, I’d do what you recommend.
Re: I wouldn’t lock the gate, personally.
I shall have to ponder leaving a sign on the car.
Re: I wouldn’t lock the gate, personally.
If it weren’t for the word, I probably wouldn’t bother to have it fixed. But I don’t like having my car display an ugly word to me and my kids.
Thank you for posting this. It had not even occurred to me that insurance might help to cover the cost of repairs.
I’m pretty sure we have comprehensive on both our vehicles. I’ll have to look up the damage clauses. So now I have a valid reason why I should contact the police. I’ll need a report to file an insurance claim. I doubt the police will bother to investigate further and honestly I’d rather them spend the funds on investigating more important crimes.
Set up a security camera?
I was gonna suggest claymores, but a Security Camera would likely be a far better choice…
What kind of a relationship (if any) do you have with the primary suspect?
It occurs to me that mentioning the situation in a casual conversation might be even more effective than a note at raising the offender’s awareness of the consequences of his crime.
Something along the lines of — “Someone scratched up my car and I’m really frustrated about it. Now I have to pay to fix the car, and all because of a locked gate that I was planning to fix and unlock again anyway.” — would not sound like an accusation if the person being spoken with is innocent, but might raise awareness or even start an enlightening conversation either way.
This sounds reasonable, to me…
I’m so sorry this happened to you guys.
I suspect that this is a single strike rather than a repeat offender. We don’t have much trouble with vandalism in my neighborhood. But if there is a second offense, we’ll probably do a camera.
The trouble is that we don’t have a single primary suspect. We have a dozen teenagers who traverse our yard regularly. When I start thinking “who would have done this?” some seem more likely than others, but the truth is that any kid can have a really dumb idea. So I’d have to have that conversation a dozen times…which sounds exhausting to me. But if the opportunity presents, I’ll probably have that conversation anyway.
Filing a police report is a good idea, even if they don’t investigate. If the vandal does this to anyone else in your neighbor or has done this before they police may see a pattern. Hopefully this is a one time occurrence.
If it comes up in conversation with your neighbors it would be good to tell them what happened. As it is here, it will be apparent to them that you regret the vandal’s actions as much for his/her sake as for your own. It might be a one time act or it might be the beginning to a pattern of destructive behavior. You wouldn’t have to go out of your way to talk to the parents of the teenagers who you speculate might have done this. But if the neighborhood is aware this type of thing has happened parents may take the opportunity to talk to their children about respecting the property of others.
I had that same word scratched into my locker by someone when I was in 12th grade. I was glad when they painted over it.
If it were me I would pass a letter to all parents in your neighborhood stating that there is a vandal on the loose and they should watch out for graffiti or similar incidents on their own property.
perhaps they will all choose to tell their kids that such things are unacceptable and you will get the one who did it without naming names.
Ona
This is something to consider.
I will definitely discuss it with neighbors if the subject comes up. I don’t know if I’ll bother to seek out neighbors and bring up the subject.
I hope you don’t have to get the whole car repainted. 🙁 A friend of mine had a touch-up tube of matching paint for fixing scratches on his car, but it sounds like this is too extensive for that to work.
I know what you mean, too. Hash marks I’d’ve left, but an obscenity I’d have to get rid of. Blah. I hope you don’t have to lock the gate, and I hope you find out who did it. If only so you don’t have to feel suspicious of every other kid in the neighborhood.
That’s a good idea, better than most. better yet, to do it informally in conversation; “look what someone did to my car!” sort of thing, and “keep an eye out if you see anyone” maybe.
Alternative Measures
I don’t know how far you want to go, or whether this would even work. However, if I was in this situation, I’d be inclined to get the parts of the car that had been damaged painted a completely different colour. So if you’re car is red, get the hood painted yellow and the side painted blue. That way:
a) The vandal has a constant reminder of what s/he did, which may induce feelings of remorse
b) You don’t have to look at an F-bomb or deal with sudden urges to play tic tac toe during traffic jams
c) You get an amusingly painted car.
What I don’t know is how your insurance, if it’s covering the cost, would view you changing the colour. Another consideration: if you got all the scratches covered with pictures of Schlock, would that count as a business expense?