praise
Last week I did two interviews about Hold on to Your Horses. Both interviews were very complimentary to me and to the book. It was heady to have so many intelligent people telling me how amazing I was for creating this book for my daughter and then sharing it with others. Yet, after both interviews I could not wait to get home and change back into my mommy clothes instead of my professional clothes. I was subtlely disturbed by something about the interviews and it took me awhile to figure out what it was.
The cumulative message from the interviews was “we know you’re an amazing mother because you wrote this book.” As if writing a children’s book is a good measure of parenting prowess. The fact that I wrote a children’s book and shepherded it through publication says things about my writing and publication skills. It says nada about me as a mother. I would be much more comfortable receiving praise about my mothering skills from someone who watched the hours I spend snuggling and cooking and remembering food preferences and dropping off at school and supervising homework. Those are all tasks that will never win me a television interview, but they are far more important to being a good mother than writing a book is. In writing Hold Horses, I’m only doing what hundreds and thousands of other parents do every day. I am using the resources I have to help my children grow. It seems wrong that I’m getting praise and attention merely because I’ve got a flashier set of resources to turn to the aid of my child.
It feels wrong for me to seek out this praise and yet the praise is an inevitable part of promoting this book. I need to continue promoting the book. I still want to be able to pay Angela what her work is worth. I still believe that this is a story that can help other families as well as mine. I guess I just have to keep going, but I wish I could share the praise with other mothers who work even harder than I do with less reward.