Sad: Realizing, at age 35, that I am mildly tone deaf. My singing voice will waver as much as a quarter tone off the note and I can’t hear it. This means that I am retroactively embarrassed about any public singing I’ve done ever. It is possible that the inability to hear notes clearly is related to the scar tissue I have on my eardrums. The scarring is a result of far too many childhood ear infections. Or perhaps my ears are just built wrong for tone discernment. This makes me sad because I love singing. It also makes me doubt my own judgment because I considered singing something I was pretty good at.
Comforting: Having a nice talk with Howard about perceptions, validation, music, capabilities, limiting factors, and plans.
Frustrating: Finally assigning the kids chores that will help us get the house actually clean rather than just de-cluttered. Then having a child whine that the 20 minute job I’ve assigned is too hard and completely unfair. We wrangled and then came back to the conflict from a different angle. The job was done by the child, but it is frustrating to try and get them to care about dirt.
Rewarding: Watching Gleek at her first gymnastics class. She approached it as she does everything else. She threw her whole self at each physical task. Her cartwheels, forward rolls, hand stands, and back rolls would all improve greatly if she would just slow down to get her form right. Right now she is using raw energy and muscle power to get the tricks done. Gymnastics is a perfect fit for her. It is an activity where she is praised for throwing herself into the activity.
Satisfying: Knowing that I got all my business stuff done before noon.
Tiring: Looking around at how much house work there is to be done. We’ve been operating on bare minimum for over a month. And for a long time prior to that we’ve been paying only small amounts of attention. Everything is dirty.
Hopeful: Howard has finished his last convention for the next six months. We have a space of time to really refine our home routine and get things running smoothly both for the family and for getting more books into print.
If it makes you feel better? I’m almost a note and a half tone deaf.
I discovered this at 17, during a hearing exam, after over a decade of music lessons that never took, because I couldn’t hear when I was screwing up.
The other problem? My father, the person who put me into these lessons because he loves music, and the making of? Who I looked to as the apex of what I wanted to be when I grew up (don’t most sons?) Has near perfect pitch.
Heh, my church choir is often a quarter-tone off from itself. But we still have fun singing. We’re the “Intergenerational Choir” – ages range from five up to seventy or so, and we don’t mind that we don’t sound as good as the church’s regular choir because we think we have a lot more fun than them 😀
I guess my point is, if you still think it’s fun, keep doing it.
I got my eardrum blown out in Hawaii while body surfing, haven been right in that ear since. But I still caterwaul at church and sometimes even alone in the truck.
We just spent the weekend cleaning the house, and already it is a wreck again. I feel bad for my wife, at least when I blow stuff up it stays that way, her job is ever recycling and accumulating.
Tonight I put all my clothes right into the dirty laundry to try and minimize my contributions to the mess.
I think I will surprise her while she is at the store and actually start a load myself. Yea me.
I don’t think Howard has perfect pitch, but he got his bachelor’s degree in music composition. This means that he has a very trained musical ear. For all the 15 years of our marriage he has been very careful not to hurt my feelings, for which I am incredibly grateful. My realization probably comes as something of a relief to him.
It is just so frustrating to not be able to tell if I’m doing something right or wrong. It is even more frustrating to know that no matter how much I practice I can’t solve the problem. I can tell when other people are out of tune (I think. I could be wrong about that too.), but not when I sing. But it is nice to hear from someone else with a similar problem.
It might not even be a ‘hurt your feelings’ thing so much as a ‘recognize that you’re not a professional singer. Nor do you have the voice of one, but you still have a pleasant voice, and enjoy singing’.
I mean, people say that they like MY voice, and I think that it sounds like I’ve been gargling with kitty litter. 😉
I intend to still sing, but I will pick the venues carefully. There are many situations where enthusiasm is more important than tonal quality. The choir you described would be one of those situations. It sounds like fun.
‘recognize that you’re not a professional singer. Nor do you have the voice of one, but you still have a pleasant voice, and enjoy singing’
I think that is nearly verbatim what he’s told me on several occasions. My kids don’t seem to mind my voice, but I know for sure that Gleek can hear the tonal differences that I can’t. At some point she’s not going to want to hear me sing anymore.
…why?
I have friends that I go shooting with. They’re not in my league, really. And, sure, most of that is training. I’ve been shooting damn near my whole life, and it’s enough of a hobby of mine that I practice regularly.
However, I’m also better then they are because I have better eyesight. And better innate spatial reasoning.
Doesn’t mean that they, and I, don’t have fun at it.
Regarding singing…
Just remember… God doesn’t care what you sound like… Just that you’re making noise. 🙂
My father was told in high school by a history teacher, of all people, that he didn’t have a good singing voice. Ever since then he’s been very self conscious about singing to the point where he wouldn’t sing in church. He was a scout master for many years and sang with the boys. When I was very small if he and I were alone in the car sometimes he would sing silly songs to me. I don’t remember him being particularly bad or good. I have a good ear for pitch and I loved having my father sing to and with me. I was very sad when I got older that he no longer felt comfortable singing around me.
If you and Gleek enjoy singing together now, odds are that she will enjoy singing with you later. And I would hazard a guess that Howard likes your singing because you enjoy singing and if you’re singing you’re probably happy.
Chalain and I know that neither of us is pitch perfect and quite often one of us (usually me) will throw the other off. But we still like singing together.
Or consider the acoustical qualities of the space you are in. Churches, showers, and the insides of cars typically have very forgiving acoustics or forgiving audiences.