Month: November 2008

Howard and I trade off teaching a primary class at church. We have four 10 year old boys in our class. They are frequently less than excited about being in class, which always provides a challenge for us as we try to keep the lesson on topic and relevant to them. Today the lesson began by talking about choices and consequences. I suppose I should have expected the lesson just post Thanksgiving to turn to the topic of gratitude, also Christmas presents, because talking about Christmas gifts is a sure way to have their full attention. I was trying to think how to make clear to the boys why we should be thankful even when we are not happy about what we receive, when I spotted Howard’s tie. It features a full length picture of Dr. Suess’ Grinch.

I then reminded the boys of the story of The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. I asked the boys what the Whos did when they woke up Christmas morning and found that their presents, tree, food, and decorations had all been stolen. It took the boys a minute because the focus of the story is really on the Grinch, but then they remembered that the Whos simply gathered around an empty space and started singing joyful/thankful songs. The song of the Whos was what triggered the change and growth in the Grinch. I then asked the boys what they thought would have happened if the Whos had instead cried and lamented. I could see the light of realization in the boys’ eyes as they pictured the Grinch rejoicing over the sadness of the Whos and dumping Christmas over the cliff. The Whos had nothing, but they chose to be grateful. The result of that gratitude was the return of all their Christmas things and a new friend in the Grinch.

The choice to be grateful always brings a reward. The reward may not be as huge and flashy as the one that came to the Whos, but the reward will always be there. True gratitude does not seek the reward, but always receives it.

I keep skipping breakfast. This is not intentional. I just get moving on the day and then realize I’m really hungry at around 10:45 when Patch arrives home from Kindergarten. I know I shouldn’t skip breakfast. I’d have more energy all day if I didn’t. And yet the pattern persists. I think it is because eating represents a break. It is a time for me to slow down and relax a little. Slowing down is the last thing I want to be doing first thing in the morning. Mornings are when I dig in and get piles of work done. I’m more likely to eat if there is something I can grab and eat quickly. On the mornings that Howard cooks for me, I’m happy to eat. So perhaps eating is not the problem so much as preparing food. I don’t want to get creative preparing food. I want to use that energy and creativity on the other tasks of the day. The answer probably involves me planning ahead and having quick-to-grab foods available. Unfortunately this requires me to think about breakfast ahead of time and I’m not likely to want to focus on food then either. I wish food were optional. Eat it when it is fun, skip it when it is not. But if food were optional, I’d probably never take breaks until I was brain fried and exhausted. Breaks are good for me. So is food. I need to make sure I get both regularly.

It is hard for Howard or I to take a vacation. In part this is because we know that there is no one else to do the work if we don’t get it done. This is coupled with the fact that doing the work is very important so that we don’t let fans down and so that we can continue to pay our bills. Another large part of the difficulty with vacations is that we love the work itself. I enjoy the challenges of book layout, shipping organization, and writing. Howard loves creating the Schlock comics. We love the sense of accomplishment that comes from doing our work well. But we need vacations and breaks because burnout happens even when you love the work.

Yesterday we spent half the day at Howard’s sister’s house. During that time, neither Howard nor I could check our email. We didn’t stress about things to be done or schedules to be met. We just ate good food, played some games, and visited with good people. It was delightful. Today we were both back at work. Howard coloring comics, me packing and shipping books. But by about noon I fizzled out. I’ve spent large portions of the afternoon staring at nothing in particular while my mind wanders. It comes back eventually, but has no memory of where it has been. This, along with the fact that I’ve fallen asleep twice, leads me to believe that I’m still fending off the bug that knocked me out on Wednesday.

At least the kids had motivation today. They did a pile of cleaning up so that they could set up the Christmas tree. It is up, with lights on, and a section of the middle is decorated in clumps. By the time we got out the decorations, only the shortest people still had any energy to spend on decorating. Perhaps later today I’ll get out the ladder and spread out the decorations more evenly. Or maybe it’ll wait until tomorrow. We’ve still got two more days until our regular schedule resumes.

Thank you to each and every one of you who reads this blog. Your friendship, morale support, suggestions, and kindness help keep me going.

I am thankful for all of you today.

Sometimes my back brain knows more about what is going on than my front brain.

Clue #1 This morning when I got dressed, I dug through the laundry to find the warmest, most comfortable clothes available.

Clue #2 I accomplished a few things. There were many more that I wanted to do (Not just wanted to “have done” but I was actually interested in doing) but instead I sat down to read a book.

Clue #3 I was completely wrapped up in the story of the book, but I was having difficulty tracking it.

At that point I remembered that sometimes I sit down to read when what I really need is sleep. It is a habit I picked up when the kids were little and I could not sleep unless they were also sleeping. So I curled up in bed wearing sweats, under two blankets, and began shivering. My front brain finally caught on and I thought “Hmm. I might be sick.”

The next 3 hours proved it to be true. I fell into a quicksand of sleep. I woke frequently, with thoughts such as “I should check on Gleek and Patch” or “The kids have been playing video games all day, I should make them do something else,” but I was always sucked back into unconsciousness before acting on any of the thoughts. Similarly I realized that a pair of socks might help me stop shivering and Tylenol would be a good idea, but the plans were also slurped into the morass of sleep. A couple of times Gleek or Patch came and bounced on the bed with requests. I hope I gave good answers because I don’t remember what they asked for.

Howard came home and rescued me from the pit of sleep. He tended to the kids, provided dinner, and made sure I got some Tylenol. I feel better now. In fact the front of my brain keeps thinking that we’re all better and so we should do something productive. The back of my brain keeps us sitting firmly in a chair and taking it easy. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be all better.

I love watching Mythbusters with my kids because it is so educational. Frequently we have to pause the show to have long conversations about electricity or weather or firearms or water currents. The show exposes gaps in the kids’ knowledge of basic physics and culture. I have to think fast and search my brain to help fill those gaps. It is not relaxing, but it is fun.

Watching Mythbusters is also concerning because it is educational. I sometimes listen with alarm after the show is over, when my kids start imagining how they would perform tests on various myths around the house. They long for a giant whirlpool of their very own so that they float boats in it and watch the boats sink. Then the light of inspiration hits as they realize that we possess three ready-made whirlpools in our toilets. Then we have an extensive discussion about why flushing boats down the toilet is a Very Bad Idea. This leads to a discussion of how plumbing works and why toilets clog. Which then leads to the story of when toddler Link managed to wedge a chunk of concrete into the ubend of a toilet so securely that the only way to remove it was to smash the toilet open and buy a new toilet. I think I’ve got them convinced not to experiment with the toilets, but I’ll be watching for the next few weeks just in case.

I wonder what it would be like to have home be a refuge from work. I spent a decade as a Stay At Home Mom. Home and family was my work. Now I’m a Work From Home Mom. Again my work is all in my house. I use the different types of work to give me breaks. I take a break from business stuff by taking care of Mommy or house stuff. I take a break from Mommy stuff by doing business or house stuff. I don’t often need a break from house stuff because I don’t do it often enough to get really tired of it. (This is a mistake, by the way. having the house a mess is depressing.) In theory this rotation works, but the reality is that sometimes I feel like a cartoon character sitting dizzily on the floor while the different types of work circle my head like tweeting birds.

Yesterday I left my house. This is not unusual. I run all sorts of errands on a daily basis. What was different is that I had no agenda other than “get out of the house.” I went to the library. I wandered the stacks, picked a few books, then sat down and read for two hours. I could feel the tension unwind inside. People wandered by my reading spot, but not one of them needed anything from me. There was no work nearby that I could just do “real quick.” If I wanted to do any work, I had to walk out of the library and drive for 10 minutes. It was a lovely, lovely break. When I got back home, I liked my house again. I was glad to see Howard and the kids. I felt better about everything.

I’ve been thinking that I did not need to schedule breaks into my life the way that I used to, because now the kids are all gone for school on a daily basis. But I need to remember that rotation of work is not the same as a real break.

I am grouchy today. Everywhere I look I see all the small damages that house and furniture acquire after years of use. Each thing is small, but the accumulation makes me feel like my home is shabby. Even worse is knowing that many days I don’t even notice all of this stuff. How many people have I invited to sit on that couch with the stuffing coming out of the split in the cushion? The same split I intended to repair years ago? Sigh. It makes me want to refurbish and paint everything. Except I know that I do not have the time to undertake a series of home improvement projects. And I do not have the money to pay someone else to undertake them for me. At least not right now. Little by little we’re starting to use excess funds to make some of the repairs. We ordered new blinds a couple of weeks ago to replace the stained curtains which are falling off the bent curtain rod in the boys room. I wish they were here already. Maybe then I could believe that I’m actually going to start doing all this stuff instead of getting distracted and forgetting it for another 5-10 years, during which family and friends will politely ignore the stuffing spilling out of the couch cushions.