Some days I miss all the clues

Gleek trudged to the car, the very picture of forlorn sadness. She scraped each foot across the snow slowly, shoulders slumped, mouth turned down.
“What’s wrong?” I asked as she climbed in.
She did not answer. I put the car into gear and drove toward home. Link still needed to pack for a scout snowy camp out. We had already waited a long time for Gleek to arrive at the car. I did not want to spend more time in the parking lot trying to coax Gleek into talking. Instead I launched into a described outline of the afternoon schedule. This included packing for Link and piano lessons for Gleek.

Gleek objected immediately. She was not ready for piano lessons. She had not practiced. She did not want to go. I though this was probably the cause of the sadness. We scrambled through the piano lessons and the packing. When the chaos was done, we headed through the back yard for an afternoon with friends. Gleek and her friend got to watch a movie. Patch and his friend got to play Bionicles. My friend and I got to talk for hours. It was fun for everyone. But several times Gleek got shrieking mad with other people over very small issues. I was focused on relaxing and talking. I helped resolve each incident as it occurred, but gave no thought to the fact that Gleek was acting over the top, even by her standards.

Then at the very end of the evening, as we were preparing to leave, I was standing right next to Gleek when she shoved her friend and declared something to the effect of: “I’m not your friend anymore. I’ll never play with you again.” My rebuke was at a fairly high volume “Gleek! You don’t treat people that way!” Then I carried her upstairs to discuss before the necessary apology.

This is when I learned that Gleek had lost her bracelet, the one she had made herself. She lost it at school right at the end. Then she was scolded for crying loudly in the hallways. I am not yet ready to second guess the scolding. I am certain that Gleek’s grief was quite loud and very disruptive to the kids who were still studying. I’ll have to ask about the incident further to decide what, if anything, needs addressing.

Gleek carried the sadness of the lost bracelet all afternoon. She also carried shame from making a fuss and being scolded. She also carried anger that I had not tied the bracelet tighter. Those emotions roiled inside her and put her on a hair trigger. Then each incident with friends added to the anger and shame as each incident convinced Gleek even more thoroughly that she is a naughty girl who will never be able to behave herself.

I was too busy to see it. I was busy with good things, but that does not change the fact that I did not see Gleek’s emotional need until it exploded. I am often busy. I like being busy. But because I am busy, I sometimes miss things I could have caught. This is not me scolding myself or holding myself accountable. It is not possible for any human being to catch every warning sign of every trouble. I would go crazy if I tried. All I can do is try to pay attention and act on the things I do see when I see them.

Gleek and I had a good talk. Apologies were made. Emotions have been vented. Gleek will probably be more at peace with herself tomorrow. Hopefully this incident will add to the store of knowledge Gleek needs in order to moderate herself and play well with others. It is just hard to watch her having to learn lessons for herself when I already know the answers.