Thoughts on a competition
My writer’s forum is hosting a five week long flash fiction contest. I decided to participate this year. The first of five stories was due this weekend and judged this week. I want to write a long post describing my process in creating the story. I also want to examine my emotional reactions to the feedback. Unfortunately I can’t, because one of the facets of the contest is that entries are under a pseudonym until the contest is complete. If I talk in detail about my experiences, I will likely give away which story is mine to other forum members who also read this blog. I do not know if I’ll be able to complete the contest because I have other commitments that are more important to me. I don’t know if I have it in me to write five complete stories in five weeks. I also don’t know if I have it in me to ride the emotional roller coaster for that long.
The stubborn, competitive part of me wants to prove to everyone that I can do it. As if completing the contest earns me cosmic writer points, proving to everyone (and mostly to me) that I’m a “real” writer. I also really want to write a story that earns the respect of these people whom I respect. But I don’t know that these are reasonable goals to set myself upon. I also know that I am tired. If I push my writing too hard it will burn me out. It is more important to me to write and complete a birthday story than for me to write four more pieces of flash fiction which will probably not win the approval I’m seeking anyway. And then there is the voice which asks why I am seeking exterior approval at all, isn’t my own satisfaction enough?
Sigh. Once again my brain is a noisy place.