Day: May 14, 2009

All four kids were in the van with me. They were chattering excitedly, speculating on where we might be going. My announcement of a surprise had them all intrigued.
“Kangaroo Zoo!” shouted Gleek hopefully.
“Nope. Mom made Patch put on shoes. You don’t need shoes for Kangaroo Zoo.” Link answered.
“Not Kangaroo Zoo.” I confirmed.
We kept talking around the issue. I told them it was not a big surprise, because we needed daddy for there to be a big surprise. That meant that this surprise was either medium sized or small. Guesses were made for a local elementary school and the dinosaur museum.
“Nope!” I said cheerfully.
The kids subsided into meditative silence while they pondered their clues. After a few moments Patch spoke up.
“I know why we get a surprise.” He kicked his feet cheerfully. “Any time Mom has a day off from work, she likes to do nice things for us.”
There were murmured agreements from all the kids. Then Link spotted The Purple Turtle (a local restaurant) and they knew exactly where we were going.
“Discovery Park!” Link shouted with glee.
“Yup!” I confirmed.
All the kids bounced in their seats. They’ve been longing to go to Discovery park for months. In fact, every time we visit Discovery Park they declare their desire to live there. It is an amazing wooden playground with mazes, rocket ship, and a volcano as well as more standard playground equipment. We arrived to discover that the park was nigh empty. The weather was perfect. It makes me think that we should make park trips on Thursday afternoons more often, because apparently the rest of the world was too busy doing other things.
When it was time to leave, I smugly announced that there was a second part to the surprise. I had to tell Link and Gleek what it was in order to get them to agree to leave. We stopped at Hogi Yogi for sandwiches and ice cream. The kids were all marvelously well behaved sitting there inside the store. They also loved the sandwiches. I did too. But even more than the sandwiches, I loved watching them and listening as they talked to each other and me. I loved being away from my house, and my computer, and my work so that I could really see the kids. It was a good outing.

When Howard and I decided it was time for him to quit Novell and be a cartoonist, we were very aware that this would represent a significant lifestyle change for our children. Much of my energy over the next couple of years was spent in making sure that the kids perceived themselves as better off even though we had less income. It worked for a long time. But our lives have shifted since then. We are not pinching pennies and both Howard and I are constantly busy. I’ve become naggingly aware that, while Howard and I love our business challenges, the kids might wish for it to be different. From their perspective, there really is no difference between busy at a corporate job and busy at a home business. All they know is that mom and dad are not available to pay attention right now. I want my children’s future analyses of their childhoods to be of the “we were really lucky” variety instead of the “I will never do that to my children” variety.

I need to be spending more time and attention on the things that are important to my children rather than the things that are important to me or to the business. My first effort on this score will take place this afternoon. As soon as they’re all home from school, I am going to make myself completely available for the rest of the afternoon. We will probably go to a park. Then there may be ice cream. After that, who knows? But the festivities will wind down in time for bed because there is school tomorrow. I will also make some time available on Saturday. Even more important is remembering which hours are supposed to be devoted to house and family. Small business tasks keep trying to creep into those spaces and I need to evict them. My house and my children need to have my undivided attention at least once per day each.

The current spate of insanely busy should wind to a close by June 2nd. There will be a family trip on the weekend after that. We won’t go far, but we’ll be together away from the house. Howard and I are already turning over plans for a much bigger family trip next summer. We’re planning it now so that it is the first thing on the calendar for next year. We’ll have to plan everything else around it.