Day: June 1, 2009

I’m too tired to form today into a story, so I’m throwing the thoughts from my head into this entry in the hopes that then my head will have more space in it.

One day of summer schedule down, 79 days to go. I never wanted to be the mom who moans and groans about summer. I wanted to be the mom who is delighted to have her kids at home so that she can plan bajillions of cool outings and activities. But the truth is, while outings and activities are fun, they are also exhausting. If I plan too many, I quickly wear out and turn very cranky. The kids get cranky too. And we’re all introverts who function best if we have time alone. Time alone is in very short supply when we’re all in the house all day long. I’ve grown accustomed to having several hours each week day when I remove the mom hat completely so that I can focus on other things. Today felt like an unending stream of interruptions.

The schedule went well. I know that it did. But the first day of a new schedule is always exhausting. We started our day at 8 am with a breakfast that half the kids didn’t want to eat. Then I posted the individualized chore lists and announced that breakfast to lunch was a no-video-game zone. But if they finished their chores in the morning they could video game and play with friends in the afternoon. Gleek plowed her way through the chores as something to do while she waited for swim lessons. Link and Patch spent the entire day playing quietly in their room. Neither of them did their chores. They’ll be surprised tomorrow to discover that the chores are cumulative. Eventually they’ll want video games and friends enough to do the work. Swim lessons worked as planned.

I guess the hardest bit of the day was getting to the afternoon and realizing that I had to find the energy to begin emptying Howard’s office. The contractor will be showing up first thing Wednesday to remove closet walls, plaster, paint and refloor. It will take more than one day. Emptying Howard’s office is tiring because of all the thinking. I’m trying to sort as I go so that the only things that go back into his office are the ones that really belong there. I’ve already hauled away much garbage. Some things have been handed over to kids. Some things are to be given away/donated. And some things are for keeping. Tomorrow is the big move-out day.

On Sunday I attended the pre-funeral viewing for a step-uncle. I did not know him well, so I did not have my own grieving to do, but I knew that he made my aunt very happy for the five years they were married. His death was sudden and unexpected. I was there for her because I love her and wanted her to know that I cared enough to come. The event was strangely like a family reunion. It was full of Utah relatives that I’ve not seen in years. People would come up to me, hug me, and know exactly who I was, but I had not a clue about them or how they were related to me. Even people I did know well when I was younger had been altered by the decade that has passed since I last saw them. And there was this pervasive sense of guilt, not from anyone else only inside my own head. I don’t live far away from any of these relatives, and yet I don’t make time to visit with them. Of course I’m not too good about getting together with local siblings either, so perhaps I shouldn’t feel bad about neglecting uncles, aunts, and cousins. The big family reunion is at the end of the month, we’ll swing by then and catch up I guess.